Hurricane Frances
Not Hurricane Frances.
Happy Boxing Day! Here’s a snippet that I wrote during hurricane season, as Hurricane Frances was approaching the coast of the Carolinas. I realized that Jamie’s entire family was in the path of the storm, and this conversation was the result. Hurricane evacuation is an art that, unfortunately, all of us in the southeastern US know how to perform. Some better than others.
A reminder of family relationships: Carly Brodie Moody, a pharmacist, is the youngest daughter of Jamie’s Uncle Doug and Aunt Linda. She lives in Wilmington, NC, and is married to Mike Moody, a physician’s assistant. They have no kids. Carly and Kevin are the same age.
Doug and Linda’s middle daughter, Lindsey, is married to Jake. They have two kids, Zoey and Oliver, and live in Greenville, NC. Lindsey is two years older than Carly and Kevin. Lindsey is a known worrywart.
Will Brodie is the oldest son of Dennis Brodie, Doug and Dave’s middle brother. He lives in Chapel Hill, NC. Tanner Brodie is Dennis’s third of four sons; Tyler is Dennis’s youngest. Tanner lives in Jacksonville, NC; Tyler and his husband Blair live in Washington DC. Dennis and his wife Toni live in McLean, VA; Dennis is a rear admiral in the Navy and works at the Pentagon.
Sarge, who is grandfather to Jamie, Kevin, Carly, Lindsey, and Will, lives in an assisted living facility in Jacksonville, NC. Doug and Linda also live in Jacksonville. “Grampa’s house” is the original family home in Beaufort, SC.
Carly is a fan of Double Stuf Oreos. Who isn’t?
The conversation is as seen from Jamie’s phone, so his texts are on the right. Carly’s are in blue; Kevin’s are in red.
I apologize for the spacing, but couldn’t figure out how to fix it.
September 11, 2018
5:45 pm EDT
Wilmington, NC
Hey guys we’re loading up to evacuate. Going to
Mom and dad’s tonight then caravan to Uncle
Denny’s tomorrow. Pick up Lindsey and crew
on the way.
Be safe. Is Grampa going with you?
Yeah, other old folks are going to a shelter and
he said hell no. LOL
Is Will going?
Nah. He’s safe in Chapel Hill.
Tanner is gonna ride it out at mom and dad’s.
Why??
Mom isn’t comfortable leaving house empty. He
offered. Better him than me haha. They have
hurricane shutters that roll down and sandbags.
He should be safe on second floor.
You’re taking the animals, right?
Duh of course. Wouldn’t leave them behind.
Mike is saying come on. Gotta go.
Let us know when you get to Doug’s.
Will do.
September 11, 2018
7:38 pm EDT
Jacksonville, NC
Hey guys we are at dad’s safe and sound.
Dad is over at the ALF helping Grampa pack.
He doesn’t have much stuff does he?
No but lots of photos and shit.
He needs to scan those.
I keep telling him. Gonna just have to do it
for him I guess. When the power comes back
LOL
What time are you leaving tomorrow?
As early as we can get Grampa. Probly like
6 am.
Is Lindsey freaking?
OMG yes. She’s trying to take her whole house.
Jake keeps telling her no. She keeps texting me
to be on her side but I keep telling her no too.
How are Zoey and Oliver?
Oh they’re fine. Big adventure. Helping Jake carry
stuff to their second floor.
Is anybody checking on Grampa’s house?
Dad and Mike went down on the weekend and
boarded the windows and moved everything that
they could upstairs. There are no trees that can
hit it and it’s lived through 125 years so fingers
crossed.
Text when you’re on the road tomorrow.
OMG it’ll be 3 am in CA!
So we’ll see it when we wake up.
LOL OK.
September 12, 2018
6:18 am EDT
Jacksonville, NC
We’re outta here. Grampa is grumbling
about having to leave but not too bad.
September 12, 2018
7:47 am EDT
Greenville, NC
OMFG I’MMA KILL MY SISTER
Y?
She isn’t READY. WTF has she been doing
all night?? And y r u awake??
Going to pool early to swim. WTF has she
been doing?
NO IDEA. Jake and Dad are both yelling at
her now.
Greaaat. She’s not riding with you is she?
They’re in their own cars like us.
Small mercies.
LOL exactly. Will you help me hide her body?
HAHAHAHA. Later. Drive safely.
September 12, 2018
9:13 am EDT
Roanoke Rapids, NC
Is Lindsey still alive?
Haha no thanks to me. Jake is ready to
strangle her now. She wanted to turn around
and get something she forgot.
FFS.
Srsly.
You are NOT texting and driving, right?
Duh, no, Mr. Popo. We’re at a Hardees.
I am eating a deeelicious fried chicken biscuit.
Bet you don’t have ‘em there.
Nope. Just tofu.
Tofu biscuits? Gack. You are pullin’ my leg.
LOL yes I am.
Don’t y’all have to go to work?
Eventually. Is Grampa OK?
He’s fine. Telling hurricane stories. Oops,
we’re loading up. Later.
September 12, 2018
12:48 pm EDT
Hampden-Sydney, VA
OMFG this is taking FOREVERRRRR
Taking back roads?
Uh huh. Interstates are jammed.
Then why are you bitchin’?
‘Cause I can. Shut up.
Temper temper.
You shut up too.
Ha ha. Where are you?
IDK, somewhere west of Richmond.
On US 15 until we get to Manassas.
I’m just following Daddy.
Hardees again?
No Wendy’s this time. The trouble with
staying off interstates. There aren’t any
Cracker Barrels out here.
Got your hurricane snacks?
No Toni said she’d have stuff. Bet I still have
to go to the store when we get there tho.
But we brought all the booze so Tanner
wouldn’t drink it. It’ll keep me and Jake from killing
Lindsey.
Toni doesn’t strike me as a Double Stuf gal.
Noooooo. Y’all at work?
Yup
Yup
Well then y r u talking to me? GET TO WORK
Yes ma’am.
September 12, 2018
5:17 pm EDT
McLean, VA
PRAISE JESUS WE MADE IT
No casualties?
Not yet. It’s early tho.
September 12, 2018
6:23 pm EDT
McLean, VA
Where are you and what are you doing?
Mike and I are on the way to the store.
Toni didn’t have Double Stufs. Or near
enough margarita mix.
Where’d you park all the cars?
Mom and Dad’s both in the garage.
The rest in the driveway. Uncle Denny’s
parking on the street ‘cause he has to
go to work still.
Pentagon isn’t closing up huh?
Guess not. ‘Murica.
September 12, 2018
7:44 pm EDT
McLean, VA
EATIN’ MY DOUBLE STUFS
DRINKIN’ MY MARGARITAAAA
You’re gonna eat all your snacks before
Florence even gets there.
Double Stufs and margarita? Ptui.
Nawwww this is GOOD SHIT.
Hey Jamie, Carly’s drunk.
YOU SHUT YOUR FACE KEVIN BRODIE
Truth hurts.
Wish you guys were here. Be more fun with
you.
Never been to a hurricane party.
You have to visit in the fall sometime and
GET EVACUATED WITH US
Hm, maybe not.
Don’t know what you’re missing. Oh,
Grampa says hi. He’s helping me eat the
Double Stufs
Should he be eating those?
He’s 93. He can eat what he wants.
EXACTLY. You’re the murder popo, don’t
be the food popo too.
I find that term offensive.
5-1-5-0 SOMEBODY CALL THE POPO
Shut up.
LOLOL what is that from?
It’s a Dierks Bentley song.
Who?
OMG HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HIM
HE IS A GOD
So he’s a country singer.
He kinda looks like you, Jamie.
Huh.
Still getting mistaken for you know who?
Yeah. It’d be nice to get mistaken for
someone who’s actually alive.
