The holidays may dredge up some crap—this happened for me literally yesterday. Our sewage drain was completely clogged and overflowing. But we laughed a lot and had a good day overall, which got me thinking. Back when I was single and struggling—even brief

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The post The holidays may dredge up some crap—this happened for me literally yesterday. Our sewage drain was completely clogged and overflowing. But we laughed a lot and had a good day overall, which got me thinking. Back when I was single and struggling—even briefly (but gratefully) getting public assistance—I decided to love Christmas. Not because I could have things I wanted, but because I wanted to call the shots in my life. At first this idea was a disaster, because I would fall into recrimination when triggered, which was all the damn time. But gradually I began to see how I made small decisions all day long that took me places I didn’t want to be. So I started making new choices. If, say, a barista was rude, I noticed how this kind of thing could send me into a tailspin that turned to—no one likes me! I stopped embellishing those thoughts. Instead of being a dick right back, I’d ignore the barista. Maybe think about something else. When I could stay neutral (as opposed to the gritted teeth of ignoring), I saw it wasn’t personal. I got to a point of empathy for whatever was making them unhappy, and I’d try to be a bright spot in their day. Today, years later, I can sometimes make that work with trying family situations, the kind we all face during the holidays. It does help that I get to LIVE with my chosen family. And I’m still a work in progress. But I can honestly say, the coming week is going to be great! Merry Christmas, to you! Give yourself the gift of being your own holiday cheer.