To Share Or Not To Share

To share or not to share – that is the question. Over the years I've shared my writing with friends and family members and that's what I'm talking about here. Not about buying a service or paying someone to do it – that's for another day.

So this is an analysis, at least for me, of whether it's been worth it – or not.

Okay, I did it at first because I was unsure. Can I really write a book? Really? Like anyone could tell you. Anyway I shared raw material. This was a mistake. I tended to shape my first book according to some of the feedback. All of it really unspecific and not helpful in the long run. Maybe if you had a really good editor (I wish – it is my dream) it would be okay.

Asking people to read something they haven't chosen for themselves is a problem. Like most grade school English teachers I have learned this over the years. Crap, I don't blame them. Here, waste some of your precious hours reading my drivel. Yes I realize you only like non-fiction but what the fuck. And then of course look for some meaningful feedback. Pipe dream. The only person who bugged me to get a draft copy of one of my book's ended up totally fucking me over. We were to exchange drafts of our books – I was actively working on mine – and I lived up to my end but never received his. Then, for almost two years afterwards every time I saw the guy he'd apologize for not having read it. Over and over until I made it quite clear I didn't give a shit what he did and left him with the impression if he asked about it again that I'd tell him to shove the manuscript (which I paid $40 to photocopy and bind) up his inadequately proportioned ass.

And if you have to ask people to read your shit what do you expect. And really, what if they do read it and think it stinks. How can they say that? Or what if it's just barely tolerable. At the point I'm at I rather have somebody tell me what they don't like about the book than an insipid, useless remark. “It's... a... book” was one of my very favorites. I've also learned that getting people to help proof read is a losing cause. They just won't do it even if it means just making a little mark in the margin. Why? Because it's shitty work and it takes your mind away from the story. So that's another thing I'll never do again.

And asking people what they think after you've given them a book (draft or self published) is the worst. If they haven't done it they feel bad and usually apologize. Or maybe they started it and put it down. Or maybe they actually read it and it doesn't do anything for them. You don't always end up liking the books you do pick for yourself if you're anything like me. The worst is no comment at all. Did they read it and hate it? Did they start but found themselves unable to finish? Is it still sitting on their bedside table? Did they forget I gave it to them?

Now this is a depressing fact, but nobody, other than my wife and one or two others, has actually asked to read any of my books. I usually ask them if they'd like to but again this is a practice I mean to stop. It puts them in a bind. And hell here I am giving away ten and twenty dollar bills - and it's like they're doing me a favor. One of my recent experiences is having somebody, an old friend, cast doubt on me regarding the number of errors still remaining in my latest book although I really did go over and over it. Thanks. I didn't need that, but what was I looking for. I guess if I'm honest I really wanted that person to say “wow, what a creative story, I'm impressed”. But of course I also don't like to be patronized either. My but I'm hard to please!

I've had a few general comments about first drafts of books that have been helpful – really helpful so I don't want to throw away the baby with the bathwater, but overall I'd say giving drafts and finished books to friends and relatives is a big mistake. If they're truly interested, they can buy one. My success or failure (at selling books) will not depend on my siblings, children and friends making purchases.

So my conclusions? First, no more torturing people I know and love by asking them to read my stuff. Second, if I want help proofreading other than what my wife and I can do I'll pay for it (it's fairly reasonable). Third, stop looking for legitimization outside myself – talk about a boxer leading with their chin. Fourth, figure out how to get some feedback from the marketplace where the books will be selling (there are some sites that let you share and allow people to comment).