Reading Harry Potter with Fantasy Buddy Reads

When I first read Harry Potter, all the books were paperbacks and hardcovers. I pulled them all out of my bookcase, brushed of the dust, and possibly a few Nargles - and read them with the wonderful readers at Fantasy Buddy Reads on Goodreads.

Here: https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/... - I'd recommend joining if you love fantasy, great stories, and good people to read them with.

On to the books ....






When I'm reading books, I often find characters like to pull me aside and whisper a few words into my ear - and I like to give those words an opportunity to be heard.

Beware, dangerous or humorous material ahead - Read at own risk - You have been warned!

From Harry Potter and the 'Philosopher's' stone

Vernon Dursley: "I have no idea why the Potter boy had to come back from School. By the way, would you like a nice drill bit, I have thousands..."

Petunia Dursley: "Vernon ... could you tell me about your drill bit again? About the length of the shaft? About the thickness of the shank? I really would like to hear this story more than once."

Dudley Dursley: "It's a little known fact, that post surgery I kept my little pig's tail in a jar of embalming fluid. I've got it hidden beneath my bed. I often think of it, sometimes I take it out and stroke it. It whispers things to me, wonderful things, dreadful things, things I'd like to do one day..."

Hagrid: "Well, I must say, my elocution lessons have paid off handsomely."

The Sorting Hat: "Centuries ago, I proposed the school houses be called, 'The Dungeons,' 'The Tower,' 'The Basement.' 'The Other Tower' (Yeah, I know, confusing, but that would be part of the fun), and then I'd get to say to new students, 'Off to The Dungeons with ye,' or 'Off to the Tower,' - what fun! - but was I allowed? No. Bloody Wizards!"

Draco Malfoy: "I applied for the role of 'Harry Potter,' and look what happened, (shakes head disconsolately), it's a complete balls up. I complained to the author, but it did no good. Now I'm struck in the dungeons with Crabbe and Goyle, and they're no fun. Now, where's that nifty 'make your own lightning bolt scar makeup' ... it must be somewhere round this gloomy place."

Ron Weasley: "I applied for the role of 'Harry Potter,' too, but fortunately, I got the 'best friend,' role. Everyone knows the best friend always survives. And also, just quietly, you know, there's that thing with Ginny and Harry in the future, and you know, well, just ewwww! - she's my sister!"

Hermione: "Well, it's called 'The Voldemort Smackdown Club,' and I'm president. Well, it makes perfect sense to me - don't you agree?"

Professor Snape: "I applied for the role of Voldemort. I know, I didn't get it, now stop bloody well reminding me about it."

Scene #38: Take #14: INT: The Leaky Cauldron: Professor Quirrell shakes Harry's hand for the first time.

Quirrell: "Potter, pleasss-ed to meets you. Pleasss-ed exxx-scuse my lissssp."

"CUT! Quirrell, it's a stutter, not a lisp. Now set up for take #15... Geez, now get it right."

Quirrell: "I can't help it! It's him, beneath the turban, he's telling me to do it!"

Voldemort: "Well, I applied for the role of Potter as well. My plan was brilliant, flawless, a perfection of genius. I would solve all my problems with a single stroke - yes, it would be that easy - I'd just kill myself."

Professor Dumbledore: "A nudge here, a nudge there, and whipsabobbly, Fanny's your uncle and Bob's you aunt, or some such."

Norbert the Norwegian Ridgeback: "Well, Teddy. It's just you and me now. Send us off in a crate to Romania did they? Just wait till I grow up - I'll show 'em what a chew toy really looks like."

And finally Harry...

Harry Potter: "I literally spent ten years living in a cupboard under the stairs, half-starving myself, and giving myself wedgies every night in preparation for this role. Boy, was I relieved when I got it. Imagine, if I'd done all that for nothing?"

From Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Well another classy chapter of young Harry Potter and company's adventures at Hogwarts.

I didn't like how Tom Riddle was conveniently gloating, daft and forgetful at the end. But then, I get annoyed when villains make a mess of their own plans through a lack of practical ruthlessness. It lowers the tension. I think I'll ping a star for Tom Riddle not shoving Harry's wand through Harry's ear - while he was distracted by poor Ginny lying helpless and dying on the cold flagstones of the Chamber of Secrets - and giving his brain a stir right from the get go.

On the plus side, there were some new characters who'd like a word or two.

Gilderoy Lockhart: "How's my hair? And my smile? You know I won ... well never mind, my contract has not been renewed for the next book. So, I've accepted an offer for the title role in a new musical theater production on Broadway. 'Hannibal Lecter on Ice.' It'll be marvelous, just marvelous. You do love my hair don't you. Yes, of course you do..."

Aragog: "I was terribly sad after my wife Mosag died, I had to eat her. Well, it was the only thing left to do..."

Mr. Mandrake Root: "I have so many hopes and dreams for the future. You know, a garden patch of my own, a Mrs Mandrake Root, lot's of young mandrakes running around, playing happily with the garden gnomes - wait, what is Madam Sprout doing? What on Earth is she carrying that long shiny knife for?"

Dobby: "Sadomasochism and me are parting ways. I've had enough of the Malfoys. They can take their racist pure-blood malarkey and shove it up their - "

Tom Riddle: "Fracking Hell! What do I have to do to get rid of Harry Potter? It's like he's protected by the Gods or something. (Shakes head) If I had a moustache I'd be twirling both ends into oblivion by now. Perhaps I should get a hairless cat and a monocle - that might make a difference next time..."

From Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

JKR is back in her best form with this ripper of a story. It just worked all the way through from start to finish. There was never a dull moment and the ending was stupendous.

Crookshanks: (Lolling on a wide lavender pouffe.) "Well, I must say, it was a marvelous and thrilling adventure. Of course, it was all my doing. I cleverly picked the delightful Ms. Hermione Granger as my pet, and set myself the task of defeating the nefarious villain Peter Pettigrew. I had him cornered several times, but as is my nature - I was only able to play with him. In the end, in a masterful display of strategic planning - I let him go. He will prove more a burden to my arch-enemy Voldemort alive than he would dead."

Buckbeak: "I thought I was signing up for a role in 'The Island of Dr. Moreau.' Little did I know that I was joining a multi-part young adult franchise - Happy me."

The Boggart: (Whispering quietly.) "Sitting in the dark. Sitting in the dark. Sitting in the dark. Sitting in the dark. Sitting in the dark. Sitting in the dark. Sitting in the dark. Sitting in the dark. Sitting in the dark. ... Sitting in the dark ... Sitting in the dark ... (Exclaiming loudly.) Awwww, c'mon.... open the door! ... (Whispering quietly.) Sitting in the dark. Sitting in the dark. Sitting in the dark. ..."

From Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

Wow! Just Wow! WHAM! What a Wonderful Wizardly read. JKR pulled out all the stops and weaved together a real multi-layered winner.

Oh, there were a couple of minor hiccups but what the hell - easy to ignore given how good everything else was. Now it's time to get started on The Order of the Phoenix.

(The Triwizard Tournament has ended.) The Blast-Ended Skrewt (Speaking to the Sphinx after everyone has gone home) "Hey babe, how about you and I shoot on down to Hogsmeade and get wasted on shots?"

The Sphinx: (Looking prim) "I'll let you know, I'm a good girl."

The Blast-Ended Skrewt (Rolling out his sucker) "Get a load of this little puppy. You'd be surprised how flexible it is."

The Sphinx (Rolls her eyes) "Well, Okay then ... By the way, do you like riddles?"

The Blast-Ended Skrewt (Shrugs his shoulder plates) "What's a riddle?"

The Sphinx (Sighs) (Soto voce) "Not another one... Where oh where am I gonna find a real man."

Buckbeak (Pops his head around the corner of the hedge maze) "Yoohoo!"

From Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

"Harry Potter, Rescue Mission." - it says so right on the Ministry of Magic badge...

I'm amazed. This was such an easy five stars to award. Loved it. It had been so long since I last read this book, that I had largely forgotten what was in it. I was delighted to discover that this is JK Rowling's best book so far in this series.

As for a rescue mission, any reader would need a rescue mission after encountering the twisted, excited, breathless, twee, Evil of Ms. Professor Dolores Umbridge.

But let's not guess as to what is in the mind of the polarizing figure of Ms. Umbridge, let's ask her to tell us all about it in her own words.

Umbridge: (Lolling on a wide lavender pouffe, she flicks a little orange something from the edge of her mouth) "Oh my, is that a cat hair ... I must say, I have no idea why the author didn't persist with me as the Main Character for the rest of the series. It's almost as if ... (high pitched titter) ... she doesn't like me ... (shakes head perplexedly) but surely not, surely she would realize just how important I am to the story... look here, (lifts reams of notes) I've been taking notes on my performance as a teacher at Hogwarts all year, look (taps the front page of notes repeatedly) here, here, and here! Outstanding, every single word is 'Outstanding...'

Then, of course there are other people's experiences ...

McGonagall: (In a fit of temper) (ZAP!) "Well, Professor Umbridge, I'll not have you torturing the students. Let's see how you like the next twenty-four hours as a piece of porcelain plumbing!"

Fred: (Speaking to George) : "Hey, did McGonagall just transfigure Umbridge into a toilet bowl?"
George (Grins broadly): "Yeah, and on the eve of the Quidditch World Cup."
Fred: "Ooohhh! Are you thinking what I'm thinking..."
George: "I'm assuredly am bro."

(Later...)

Peeves: (Clutching a large day pass issued by Dumbledore) "Wheeee! Out for the day! Wheeee! Look at all those tents. Wheeee! It's the Quidditch World Cup! (Suddenly possessed by a sly grin) Ahhh... toilets ... must block plumbing .... must block plumbing .... Ohhhh! All but one - just one to leave behind for everyone to use .... Wheeee!"

(Later... after the game...)

Willy Widdershins: (Stepping warily, approaches the one working toilet outside the Quidditch World Cup.) "I'll teach them to give me a minor role. What was it, three mentions, and not even a sniff of dialog, let alone a POV scene.... well. I'll show 'em (points wand at lone toilet bowl) 'Regurgito! (The bowl lurches, then expands - transforming into Ms. Professor Dolores Umbridge, projectile vomiting twenty hours worth of Quidditch World Cup fecal matter...)

(Next day...)

Rita Skeeter: (Gazing at the headlines on the front page of the Daily Prophet, 'Charming, or just Charmed? Umbridge in Imbroglio? Ex-Professor applies for job in Magical Sanitation...') "(Sighs contentedly) I do love my work ...(whispers) and I'm dead sexy too."

Of course, not everyone was happy that Umbridge got the role ...

CUT TO LOWEST LEVEL OF HELL

Satan: (Shrugs his broad shoulders, his great wings flaring behind him. He leans forward, his eyes narrowing with indignation) "I applied for the role of Prof. Dolores Umbridge, and what happened? They passed me over ... can you believe it? (Shakes head in bewilderment) You know what they said? (Snorts in disbelief, flames spurting from his nostrils, and shouts) ... I'M NOT EVIL ENOUGH! ... So, they gave it to her!

FADE OUT.

P.s. The movie sucks and is such a disappointment when compared with this book.

From Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

"It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more."

Well said, and the story progresses as it must, into grief and heartfelt purpose. Harry loses his greatest mentor and turns to face the terrifying evil of Lord Voldemort...

But not alone, for there are those of great heart who will stand with him to the very end, whatever end that may be.

Five stars (4.75 rounded up) well earned, despite the occasional lapse of pace, and the tropey 'gloat speech,' of Malfoy's that was used to illuminate what had been happening throughout the story. I get the last, Malfoy had to display his hesitation, and the speech provided him time to do that... but it just doesn't sit well with me.

However a few words...

Dumbledore: "Yes, well, my contract with Hogwarts has expired, and I have to move on. But, I'm not quite ready for retirement, I'm starting a new class in 'Incredible Wizarding Heroics,' all, are of course welcome to join."

The Sorting Hat: (At Dumbledore's funeral) "A finer brow I've never sat."

The Sword of Griffindor: (Shakes pommel in disconsolate perplexity) "I don't get it, why didn't he take me with him? Merlin's beard, I could've helped."

Fawkes: "Griff, Hat, Are you with me? (they turn and nod at the bird, now wrapped in a mantle of magical fire...) Right then, off to Voldey's lair - we'll show him what for..."

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Well, I'm a bit conflicted on this one.

Series Spoilers ahead - Read at your own risk!

On the plus side JKR has written a final novel for her series that brings together all the threads and emotionally immerses the reader in a series of stunning emotional moments based on devastating losses and utmost bravery.

However...

The problems I have center around Voldemort and the final battle with Harry. This is the climax of the series as it brings to a close the essential conflict between these two characters which is at the heart of everything.

[1] The first problem, Voldemort descends from an intelligent, capable, callous, ruthless, high-functioning psychopath (strong evil) into a witless, delusional madman (a rabid dog).

... Voldemort began to laugh, and the sound was more frightening than his screams; humourless and insane, ... (a page later) ... but now let out a cackle of mad laughter.

JKR is not the only author I've read that posits Evil = Madness. (Here's looking at you Raymond E Feist). It strikes me that Evil is a fundamentally rational approach to life and far more dangerous as a consequence of that rationality. By reducing Voldemort to a figure of madness, JKR reduces the threat and tension of this climatic moment.

[2] Voldemort loves the sound of his own voice, and Harry is happy to engage, including telling Voldemort precisely what was about to happen.

... 'because Dumbledore's last plan hasn't backfired on me at all. It's backfired on you, Riddle.'

Indeed, and it is precisely Voldemort's use of the Eldar wand, after being told that it magically belongs to Harry, that he is killed by his own backfiring spell.

I'm reminded of Tom Riddle in the Chamber of Secrets explaining everything to demonstrate the marvelous cleverness of his evil plan before snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

Gloat speeches - please go away. The Climax was a drawn-out fizzer - deducting 50 points from all houses...

4 stars for this book, and 5 for the series.

The last word, which will be series wide, I'm giving to one of the characters who seemed to have missed out on a bigger role.

The Sorting Hat: "And why wasn't I considered for the post of Professor? I could teach Defense against the Dark Arts, or Potions. I'd certainly be an improvement on the ghost that teaches the History of Magic. It's discrimination - pure and simple. No one likes a teaching Hat!"

And there you have it, not quite perfection, but marvelously told; an easy five stars overall.