Why Dogs are More Fun Than Children
As I write this, I have been sitting with Annie up against my thigh for so long that my legs have gone numb, but I have no intention of moving. We are symbiotic creatures, attached to each other. I pause with my pen above the page. She’s having a dream. Her lips quivering, she bares her teeth and paddles her feet as if she’s running. I pet her long, tan flank. “It’s okay,” I whisper. After a minute, she opens her eyes, sees my reassuring face, sighs, and goes back to sleep. I go back to writing.
If Annie were a 10-year-old human, I guarantee she would not be snuggling with me here on the love seat. She would be squirming to get free, complaining that she’s bored, or asking for food. She might very well tell me that I look awful with no makeup and should not still be in my fuzzy bathrobe at 10 o’clock in the morning. Dogs just don’t do that.
Here are a few other reasons raising dogs is easier than raising
children.
They love you unconditionally, even if you’re an idiot.
Dogs never get too old for snuggling.
You’re never too old to have a dog.
If you accidentally step on their toes or eat a whole piece of chicken without sharing, they forget about it in a minute. Dogs do not hold grudges.
Dogs never say, “I hate you.”
When you need some “me time,” you can shove them out the back door and they entertain themselves.
It’s perfectly fine to put a dog on a leash.
Dogs never need school clothes or new shoes.
Dogs don’t expect presents for Christmas or their birthdays. In fact, they don’t understand why we make such a fuss over certain days when ordinary days are the best.
Dogs won’t spend your money. They might eat it, but they won’t spend it, and they definitely won’t use your credit cards.
Dogs are much less fussy about their food. They’ll eat poop if you let them.
Dogs are always up for a race or a game of fetch.
Dogs never complain about your driving; they’re just happy to be in the car.
Anyone who has taken a child to the doctor, can testify that it’s a lot more fun to visit the vet’s office, where you can get an appointment right away, the waiting room is full of dogs, and there’s a cookie jar on the counter.
Dogs don’t enjoy wearing Christmas ribbons or reindeer antlers, but they will if it makes you happy.
While it’s a pain to take little kids out to eat, most restaurants won’t even let your pooch in the door. They don’t get it. When a toddler finishes eating, there’s food all over the floor. When a dog finishes, the floor is spotless, and the plates are so shiny you don’t even need to wash them.
