God and Me

So, I sat down and wrote this blog in a white heat last Spring. I saved it, closed it, and didn't look at it again until now. I read over it several times, realizing that I'd done the number one thing I despise the most.
Proselytize.
It was supposed to be a blog about how I've really had to ask myself some hard questions the past few years about my priorities. It was supposed to be a blog about how I've had to reorient myself in regards to my relationship not only with my family, but also with God and Christ. It was supposed to be a blog about letting go of my biggest dreams, about getting out of the way and seeing what God had in store for me.
Instead, it was more like a 2,000 word tract.
That's not what I want. At all. If you and I were sitting at a bar right now, and you asked me, “Hey, Kevin, how can you believe in a God?” or “Do you believe the Bible is divinely inspired?”, I'd be more than happy to while the hours away talking with you, sharing what I believe, and why I believe it.
But I have no desire to convert anyone.
There. I said it. I have no desire to try and prove other beliefs wrong. I want to talk about books. About horror. About good horror movies. Heck, bad horror movies. About writing. About comic books. About Stephen King. About the superhero movies and television shows I'll never get tired of. About raising a wonderful autistic son. About teaching. Yes, about Art and Faith and how they co-mingle. But I have no desire to convert anyone.
See, these last few years has been about me and God. Me and Jesus. My relationship with Christ, which, before the past few years, was lip-service only. I've looked inside and haven't liked what I've found, and am trying to  - in C. S. Lewis' words - lay down my arms and give up. Surrender.
What will this look like?
I have no idea.
I'm not going to suddenly becoming radically involved in politics, (I hate politics), or tell anyone how they should live. All that stuff is, quite frankly, none of my business. And to be honest? So many of the “loudest” Christians today are the least Christlike, in my opinion.
I'm not going to attack other people. Ever. What I'm trying to do, is give up. Not writing, per se, because I believe God made me a writer, and more importantly, I believe He made me a horror writer, and placed me in the horror genre. I'm not trying to give those things up.
But I am trying to give up my dreams. My goals. My plans. Three years ago, I had a lot of plans and dreams. I had a vision of how my “writing career” was supposed to go. Next month, I'll talk about how I've been trying to give up all those things, and get out of God's way, and see what He wants to happen.