Various Rambling
Life is confusing lately. I feel pulled in a lot of different directions. I have an unbreakable bond with Chris, but for years we've lived more like a pair of slobby old bachelor brothers than like an actual couple. In fact, we recently decided our official designation is "soul brothers." Things are getting very hot and heavy with Grey, to the point where I want to sleep over at his place almost every night, but I can't because I have this house and these cats and my mom and a life set up here. The fact that I sleep better and less painfully over there (his bed is more comfortable and he only has one cat instead of the dozen or so who pile on me whenever I get in my bed) isn't helping me spend any more time at home.
We never even meant to have a relationship. It was just supposed to be lust, but we clicked really, really strongly, like you only do a few times in a lifetime. Going on four months now and it's so exciting, yet so comfortable. I haven't laughed so hard with anyone since I was about 12. Not too long before we met, I was listening to An Innocent Man (which is in general a very happy, in-love album) and "The Longest Time" came on and I heard the lines "I'll take my chances, I forgot how nice romance is, I hadn't been there for the longest time," and I thought, "Welp, I don't guess I'll ever get there again." I gotta say that however this all turns out, it was good to be wrong on that point.
It's my first gay relationship, is what it is. Chris is the most gay-friendly person in the world, and he's been hugely supportive of my identification and transition, but that's just not quite what we have. There have been times over the years when we thought of ourselves that way, but the rest of the world didn't see us that way, and like it or not, society does matter. Being (mostly) accepted as just another guy in the local gay scene, feeling comfortable at the bars, getting to know people -- I never thought I'd have that, but now I realize how badly I always wanted it.
Overall, I feel much more comfortable at gay bars and spaces than I do in the straight world. There are occasional snarky comments and incidents like the one Grey wrote about yesterday, but I never feel threatened. When I'm traveling in the straight world, I've taken to using the bathroom before I leave home or waiting until I get back, because right now I don't really feel comfortable using either public restroom in a straight space. I don't see why they can't be unisex like in Amsterdam (though I admittedly do not miss the Dutch toilets).
[COMING SOON: Original pictures of STEPHEN FUCKIN' KING!!! Watch this space!!!!!one!!!]
We never even meant to have a relationship. It was just supposed to be lust, but we clicked really, really strongly, like you only do a few times in a lifetime. Going on four months now and it's so exciting, yet so comfortable. I haven't laughed so hard with anyone since I was about 12. Not too long before we met, I was listening to An Innocent Man (which is in general a very happy, in-love album) and "The Longest Time" came on and I heard the lines "I'll take my chances, I forgot how nice romance is, I hadn't been there for the longest time," and I thought, "Welp, I don't guess I'll ever get there again." I gotta say that however this all turns out, it was good to be wrong on that point.
It's my first gay relationship, is what it is. Chris is the most gay-friendly person in the world, and he's been hugely supportive of my identification and transition, but that's just not quite what we have. There have been times over the years when we thought of ourselves that way, but the rest of the world didn't see us that way, and like it or not, society does matter. Being (mostly) accepted as just another guy in the local gay scene, feeling comfortable at the bars, getting to know people -- I never thought I'd have that, but now I realize how badly I always wanted it.
Overall, I feel much more comfortable at gay bars and spaces than I do in the straight world. There are occasional snarky comments and incidents like the one Grey wrote about yesterday, but I never feel threatened. When I'm traveling in the straight world, I've taken to using the bathroom before I leave home or waiting until I get back, because right now I don't really feel comfortable using either public restroom in a straight space. I don't see why they can't be unisex like in Amsterdam (though I admittedly do not miss the Dutch toilets).
[COMING SOON: Original pictures of STEPHEN FUCKIN' KING!!! Watch this space!!!!!one!!!]
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