Love and Two Definitions

Last week I wrote about humility, but I was thinking about love as I wrote as well as they seem closely related. I have a couple of favorite definitions of love.

The first one comes from "The Road Less Traveled" by M. Scott Peck:

"I define love thus: The will to extend one's self for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth."

Note he is not defining an emotion or how we feel, but suggesting a decision to act on behalf of others and for our self. I don't suppose his inclusion of self is a self-centered search for self or self-aggrandizement but a recognition that we must choose to do things that help ourselves grow spiritually as well as focus on helping others grow.

The second definition that appeals to me was written earlier, and I wonder if it didn't influence Dr. Peck's definition. But regardless, it has influenced my thoughts recently. CS Lewis suggested in "Mere Christianity":

"… Love, in the Christian sense, does not mean an emotion. It is a state not of the feelings, but of the will …."

That sounds a lot like Dr. Peck, but here's the part that brings new understanding to me,

"We 'like' or are 'fond of' some people, and not of others. It is important to understand that this natural 'liking' is neither a sin or virtue, any more than your likes or dislikes in food are a sin or a virtue. It is just a fact. But, of course, what we do about it is either sinful or virtuous."

Again, love is a choice to act for the welfare of others, without reference to how we feel about them. Mother, father, son, daughter, friend, neighbor, enemy: If love is a choice and action, we can love each of them, whether they are among our favorites or, if given our druthers, we'd avoid them altogether. Our challenge then is to learn to control our feelings about those we don't like and about those we do like until we are able to step outside of those natural inclinations and are able to love (the choice and action) equally all those around us.

"I love you," takes on a whole new meaning if you think of it as an action, not an emotion.