Crossroads

Robert Bateman sat at the counterof a bar. He drained the remaining contents of his scotch and ordered another.      "That kind of day?"      Robert looked up at the tall blonde woman.He nodded and smiled, and she sat down on one of the stools further down, butstill within a comfortable conversation range.       He was at Heathrow airport his flight hadlanded early. He came here for the quietness and not the alcohol. The lightingwas dull and the black marble counter, and dark tables and chairs gave the roomsoftness on the eyes. It was like being in a sanctuary, away from the hustleand bustle where at airports there was never rest bite, just waves of peoplewith their luggage.       The mellow jazz music put a ribbon on theplace and even the bar staff spoke to customers with an easy gracefulness, asif they had each come off of a long haul flight and wanted nothing more, then adrink and to be left alone with their thoughts.      Robert absently watched the blonde womanin the reflection of a long narrow mirror that was behind the bar and ran abovethe display of colourful bottles. He loosened his tie and undid the top buttonof his shirt, while he took in the slow and delicately played saxophone comingthrough the speakers above.       When Robert regained his focus, herealised that the blonde woman was staring back at him through the mirror. Heturned to her and involuntarily smiled, a little embarrassed.      "I was curious to what you were thinking,"she said stirring her drink with her red straw.       "I was listening to the music, admiringthe saxophone."      "Are you into Jazz?"      "No. This is probably my first real tasteof it." Robert took in her long red coat, cream skirt and brown heels.       "You have that look again," she said.      Robert arched his brow. "Excuse me?"      "You're thinking about something orchecking me out."      "I was thinking of something," he saidwithout delay. "Not that you are… I mean I was." He took in a deep breath andlet it out, to untangle himself. "I was thinking that you were either inMarketing or pharmaceuticals."      "I'm in advertising."       "Interesting," said Robert.      She laughed. "Be honest."       "I'm sorry?"       "You're doing that thing people do, whenthey first meet someone, they have this overwhelming urge to be nice, even ifit's a lie."      "So I shouldn't be nice?"      "No. You shouldn't have to lie to benice."      "That's true. You're right, peopleshouldn't have to do that." Robert then laughed. He tried to suppress it, butfailed. "I'm sorry, I just realised that we are having a conversation aboutconversation, unless the scotch has gotten to me."      The blonde woman laughed and extended herhand. "Elise."      He shook it. "I'm Robert."      "So I have a question for you Robert." Shewas interrupted by the barmaid's soothing offer for more drinks. "I'll haveanother one and – " She looked over at Robert, whose glass was empty.      "I'll just have a Coke thanks," he said.      The bar maid smiled and put down two morenapkins.      Elise continued. "Why is a married man,such as yourself, hanging around in a semi empty bar after their flight?"      Robert glanced at her left hand and saw aring.      Elise followed his eye line. "Don't worryI'll reciprocate."       "My flight arrived early."      When Elise swung around on her stool toface him, Robert admired her face. She was beautiful in a plain and subtle way,and her features reminded him of the actress Olivia Wilde, only with longblonde hair.      "Ok that was a deflection, from the realanswer."      Robert pressed his lips together to stophimself from smiling, but his cheeks gave him away. "You're very direct, aren'tyou?"      "Well usually small talk is just an icebreaker, to have a real conversation and since I don't have the patience, andwe're probably never going to see each other again, I thought I'd dive rightin."      "That actually makes sense." Robert lookedat his own reflection in the black marble in front of him, half expecting thereto be no one sitting to his right when he looked back up. "Ok, I'm afraid to gohome to my wife."      She nodded and took a sip of her drink andwaited for the rest.      Robert took a big gulp from his glass, toget some more courage before realising he had switched to Cokes. "I don't loveher anymore, or maybe I didn't to begin with." He sighed and pinched his nose, indisbelief at the conversation he was having.       "You go," he said.      "Ok, I'm here because, I know if I go homeearly I will catch my husband probably having sex with my next door neighbour'sdaughter."      "Interesting, and I really mean it thistime." Robert quickly dropped his brief smile. "I'm sorry – that's for makingan inappropriate joke and the affair."      Elise smiled. "They've been at it for sixmonths now."      "Six months? You must really love him," hesaid with apprehension.      "I love him, but not like, in denial andclinging on to him out of desperation."      "Then why haven't you called your husbandup on it?"      "Because, he'll choose her over me andwe'll get divorced."      "So you love him and are ok with himhaving an affair, while you work?"      "No, of course not, but it's better thendivorce. I'm so busy with my job, I travel a lot and it's comforting to know Ihave someone waiting for me when I come home."      "Ok," said Robert, smiling down at hisdrink.      "You want to add something to that smile?"      "That's one good rationalisation, you gotyourself there. Very creative, that's probably why you're in advertisingright?"      "Very clever, perhaps I should've got youa diet coke, with all that caffeine –"      "I'm not judging but –"      "You think I'm wrong?"      Robert shook his head. "Just calling ithow I see it."      "So lets go back to you, why haven't youconfronted your wife?"      "I'm scared to break her heart and takethat step of ending it. See, I can be honest about it."      "I'm being dishonest?" she said.      "No, but you're deluding yourself… forgetit." Robert took a sip from his glass to break the nervous tension.      "I want to hear what you have to say."      Robert swivelled round on his stool toface her. "Ok, I think you're just like me. You're scared to take that step. Thingsmaybe comfortable for you, they are for me, but surly you can't settle forhaving someone to eat dinner with at home, instead of the relationship you hadwith him before this affair. Whatever happens you're not going to be trulyhappy again, and… I'm not going to be either."      There was a change in direction and Robertdidn't know how they got there, but each told the other their up bringing,first loves, first time they had sex and all the way to where they were today.       Elise was very specific: two seriousboyfriends, a total of four lovers and seventeen was the lucky year for her,which in today's standards was late. She had worked in Boots in the cosmetic'ssection, where she was allowed to be in charge of the advertising of offers,which were the roots of her life now.      Robert had missed his train by somemargin, and he had to wait until he was twenty after some embarrassingsituations where he had everything but a condom and once an erection. He workedinside nearly every supermarket chain and was taking computers apart by thetime he was finishing high school.      Robert was back staring at the blackmarble trying to look into his distorted eyes for answers. His thoughts hadcircled back to his wife.        "I'm hungry, are you hungry?"      He looked up not at first fullyregistering the question. "I'm starving."      They left the secluded bar and joined thewave briefly before entering a restaurant. It was evening, and they hadfortunately missed the rush hour of the other passengers. They sat at a tableagainst the far wall towards the corner and were now looking at menus.      "Is this weird and comfortable at the sametime?" asked Elise.      "I couldn't have said it better."      The waitress had just approached theirtable for drink orders.      "He'll have a Diet Coke," she saidand smiled.      Robert shook his head at her. "I'll have aCoke please, no ice."      "I'll have the same."       The Restaurant seemed to cater for everything from pies to Chinesefood.      Robert put down his menu. "See anythingyou like the look of?"      "I'm thinking of getting a pizza, theirdeep pan looks good."      "Me too, why don't we split one."      "Ok, I was thinking of getting theHawaiian."      The waitress set their drinks down.      "Pineapple? You're actually one of thosepeople who likes pineapple on your pizza."      "One of those people, and what'swrong with pineapple?"      "It's a pizza, who puts fruit on a pizza,it's like having slices of celery in your fruit salad."      "So everything needs to be in its rightfulplace. Fruit can't jump ship. A pizza can't be creative. You're not allowed tohave rich soft cheese with tender ham and the punch of pineapple."      "So you're advertising a Hawaiian pizza tome now?"      Elise started to laugh. "Have you evertried it?"      "No."      "Ok, it's settled that's what we'regetting."      "Do you boss your husband around likethis?"      "No, he's actually got some balls and canstand up for himself."      "I was being polite, you might want to trythat sometime between your advertising campaigns."      Elise raised her glass and Robert raisedhis.      "What are we toasting to?" he asked.      "To, not talking about either of ourspouses during this entire meal."      "Sounds good."      "So you never told me what you do."      "I'm a trainer for this software program,that's used in most major IT companies."      "Interesting," said Elise burstinginto laughter.      Robert smiled and watched her, cupping herhands over her mouth. There was something about her when she laughed, her wholeface lit up and it drew him in.       "I knew you were going to say that," hesaid pointing a fork at her.       "I couldn't resist, but seriously thatsounds like the most boring job I've ever heard of."      "You would be right, and the money is notgreat, certainly not better then what you get for saying tender ham and thepunch of pineapple."      "How much do you make?"      Robert was caught off guard. His mouthopened and then closed while his tongue began pressing up against the inside ofhis cheek. He remembered what she had said about small talk and never seeingher again.      "£35,000, before tax and benefits."       Elise nodded and did her best to berespectful, but her face told a different story.      "You can say what you're thinking," hesaid.      "Unless you've just changed careers,that's umm… how long have you been in the job?"      "Eight years… wow, that is actually prettyshit. Can't believe I'm only just realising that. I already regret asking this,what about you?"      "£70,000"      "You can be honest, you don't have to holdback, it's not as if I can feel worse." Robert took a long suck on his straw."      "£200,000, or there about."      A spray of Coke erupted from his mouth andwent all over the table. It dripped off of the desert menu in the centre andreached across to Elise's side, although avoided splashing her. This sparked afit of laughter and they each fuelled the other. At one point Robert got to thestage where his muscles stiffened up and he hunched forward as he felt a stitchin his gut. They were in recovery laughs, between large gulps of air, as thewaitress came over with paper towels and couldn't help but smile at the two ofthem.      "I think we know who's taking care of thebill," said Robert helping mop up the last of his drink. "But seriously, I'mglad I caught an earlier flight."      "I'm glad I have to wait for my husband tofinish having sex." Her smile faded slightly when she said this. Robert was onto it and knew the joke hurt her.      "Lets play the what if game," he said tojolt her out of going into a dark passage of thought.       "The what game?"      "Ok, so I come up with a 'what if'scenario and you have to answer it."      "I see someone wants to relive theirchildhood."      "I saw it on a show, and yes adults wereplaying and it was fun."      "Ok, you go."      Robert leaned forward. "Ok, what if youcould go back and redo school and university again, what would you be?"      "That's actually a good what if… Ok, letme think about this… Maybe a vet, I've always loved animals." She put her handout palm up, signalling him to go.      "A musician."      Elise cracked a smile and looked down atthe table.      "What?"      "I couldn't imagine you rocking a stage."      "Not like that, like I would want to playpiano, be a composer or something. Creative and good money, but out of thespotlight."      "That's nice I like that," said Elise."Ok, what if you had your choice of where you could live?"      Robert's eyes wondered around therestaurant that was now a little busier but everyone was spread out giving abubble of privacy between parties. "Chicago."      "Why Chicago?"      "I don't know, from what I've seen inepisodes of ER, I like it and I know it's got a lot of culture, also it's closeto Canada, which is somewhere I've always been fond of."      "I love that show, and even though I'veseen it so many times, if I see that it's on TV again, I get sucked in andwatch it. Were you teary eyed at the end?"      "No comment."      "I never pegged you as sensitive." Robertbegan to go red, it felt like he was back at school and he was talking to thehottest girl there. "Ok, back to business," she said. "I would say maybesomewhere in Spain or Portugal, close to Africa, if I was a vet I would want tohelp there too."      "What about if you were still inAdvertising?"      "Somewhere beachy, like SouthernCalifornia or Florida."      Their pizza was here and Robert hadforgotten about the pineapple. Elise took a slice and bit into it. There was a pleasantsurprise for him when he had a taste. It was good.       "So? How is it?"      "It's ok, I mean I can stomach it."      "You like it, I can tell by your eyebrowtwitching just before."      They had a long moment of comfortablesilence while they focused on eating, this was acknowledged with severaloccasions of eye contact and subtle smiles.       "What are we doing here?" said Robert outof the blue.      "I don't know, having fun? Should we feelguilty about it?"      "I'm not sure. You shouldn't, but Ishould, or maybe I shouldn't. I mean this is just one conversation right?"      "Right, we're just avoiding going home, asstrange as that sounds."      In just a moment it seemed as if theirbubble had been burst with a huge spear that brought them back to reality andwhat they had to face.       The silence brought a coldness to theplace and the comfort between them had evaporated.       "Do you want to go home?" said Elise. Itwas asked in a serious tone, not a flicker of flippancy that other questionshad been asked in.       Robert put down his half eaten slice ofpizza and for the first time he felt like he did when he would insert his keyand open his front door.       "No," he said.      "Ok, this is going to sound a littlecrazy, but what if we don't go back home."      Robert's brow stitched together. "Thenwhere do we go?"      "What I mean is what about if we go homebut just to get our stuff and then leave."      "You mean confront our partners?"      "Something like that."      "Together?"      "It depends where you live, but yeah, Iguess that's what I'm saying. Perhaps together we can do what we should've donea long time ago."      "I live in Reading," he said.      "Ok, I live in Oxford."      Robert blew out his breath and his heartwas thumping. But there was a sense of relief moving through him, when hethought about the possibility of being free. After an intense stare at the saltand pepper shaker, at the side of the table, he locked eyes with Elise. "Letsdo it."      "Ok, but it's not enough to just give averbal declaration. It's easy to say here, but when you get to the front door,all that strength and conviction abandons you."      "Sounds like you're talking fromexperience."      "Lots of experience."      "So what do we do?"      "We have to burn the bridge, where wecan't go back and there's no choice but to tell them."      There was no brainstorming, no discussion,it seemed as if they were telekinetic. Elise had a large expense account andused it to get a suite at the Marriott. As soon as Elise pushed open the door,she moved in and began kissing Robert, and led him into the suite. His bodytensed and he stepped back breaking it off.      Elise closed the door behind her.      "Shouldn't we talk before we do this," hesaid.      "The only thing we'll end up doing, istalking ourselves out of this." She stepped closer to him. Their eyes met brieflywith an intensity, and the next moment they were both locked into a kiss andheading towards the bed.
Robert rolled overand collapsed on his back, his heart humming along, his mind now calm. Hestared at the white ceiling in disbelief at what he had done. He suddenly feltElise's hand interlock with his.       "Now for the hard part," she said.      Elise was now behind the wheel of a rentedRange Rover; they were now on the M4 heading towards Reading.       "So what do I say to her?"      "Don't think about it," said Elise. "Justgo inside and say what you're feeling, that's it, that's all you can do. Ofcourse be elegant and let her down gently."      "Ok, so how do I be elegant?"      "Think about it, how would you like to betold. Imagine if your wife didn't love you, what would you want her to say?"      Robert watched Elise browsing herplay-list on her iPod touch. He could smell the hotel's body wash on her, itwas jasmine, he remembered, and the fragrance gave him a warm feeling inside.He looked away when Elise looked up sensing something.      "Maybe I would say, how much she has gotgoing for her and that we're just different." Robert looked over at her forapproval.      "That's a good direction to go in."      "What would you do?"      "Probably the same. I would also, holdtheir hands and look into their eyes, while I talk. It's hard to do but it'svery powerful."      "Is this from Advertising 101?"      Elise smiled. "Just a life skill I'vepicked up on the way."      Robert stared outside his window at thepassing dark hills, and the thick green trees scattered over them. He felt asharp sense of doom and also uncertainty, and wanted this car journey to lastas long as possible. As his gaze fell on a line of white and orange cones andflashing yellow lights, where construction work was being done, he realisedmusic was playing. A long drawn out sound from an electric guitar proved to bethe perfect driving song. He searched his mind for a minute going through hisalbum collection. Then the movie Heat came to him. It was Moby's  'New Dawn Fades'. There was also a stiffcold breeze, and Robert turned to see that the window had been inched downallowing for the air to blow onto her face, and through her blonde tresses. Upahead he saw the junction sign for Reading, and looked over to Elise, who offereda hopeful smile.      "Just up here on the left," said Robert.As soon as the car halted, he felt cold and his hands were trembling and moist.      He looked over at Elise, with his hand onthe door handle.      "You'll do fine," she said.      He nodded and got out of the car.       As soon as he stepped inside his house, heheard movement from the living room. His wife – Julia – came out, with asurprised smiley face. "I thought you were coming in late." She hugged him.      "I managed to catch an earlier flight."      "Come inside, I was just eating pizza."      As she walked back into the room he said,"with pineapple?"            "I'm sorry?"      Robert stepped into the room. "Nothing."He sat down and the first thing he did was look toward the window, but thethick white curtain gave him zero sight outside.      "Dig in," she said. "How was your trip?"      "It was interesting," he said.       Julia looked at him, while taking a bite. "You're actuallyserious, you found it, interesting? What was different about this one?"      Robert looked out at the curtain again,with false hope that maybe this time he could see her sitting inside the car.      Julia looked over at him, and it was easyto see that something was wrong.      "What is it?" she said, putting the pizzadown in the box.       Robert hesitated but then reached out andheld her hands, and looked into her eyes. He immediately wanted to look away,but he dug deep and his eyes were beginning to water without him saying a word.      Julia nervously smiled and looked aroundthe room, confused, however Robert stuck to his task and held his eye contact.       "You have been nothing but supportive ofme, given me so much and… I've been doing some serious thinking." Julia's smilefaded and her face dropped. There was only dread in her eyes. "I'm not in lovewith you anymore. You're like my best friend but – I don't feel that specialconnection with you."      Julia's face was stiff with shock. Shedropped her head and then suddenly looked back up again, to check if this wassome sick joke.      Robert, who still hadn't broken eye contact,bit his lip. "I'm so sorry, Julia," was all he could say.      Julia's face pinched and tears seemed toshoot down her face. She clamped her hand across her mouth and nose. Robertwanted to reach out to comfort her, but decided against it.      "I'm so sorry."      Julia's sobs were now intense and theybuilt up to a loud wrenching cry, which made her lurch forward. "Please – no… please."      Her forehead was now resting on Robert'sleg. He felt her tears soak through his trousers. He gritted his teeth, andgently placed his hand on her head. He sat with her for twenty minutes; she satwiping her tears off her reddened face, and then stayed completely still beforeanother wave of cries erupted within her.       When she had calmed, he didn't have totell her that he would be leaving the house tonight.      "I need to be alone," she said. "I needyou to go."      "I understand." He stood and realised thateverything he needed was in his suitcase in the back of the Range Rover. Therewas nothing left for him to do, but walk out. He felt like he needed to saysomething before he left, some kind parting words, something that wouldpenetrate the pain inside of her. But one more look into her eyes and herealised there was nothing that could be said. He turned and walked away.      As he approached the car, he could seethat Elise was asleep.      She stirred when he opened the door, andher eyes were fluttering when the door closed. She looked over at Robert whosat bolt upright, staring out the front window, but he wasn't looking outside.      A tear escaped his eye and he sighed whenhe felt it. "Damn it," he said rubbing it away.       Elise moved her hand onto his knee, andeventually he put his hand on hers.      "Lets go," he said.      She moved away from the curb and Robertglanced at the lighted window, as they passed.      The first half hour was silent, but therewasn't any tension inside the car, because of the music playing. Right nowNe-yo's 'Miss Independent' seemed to lighten the mood.      Robert looked over at Elise. He saw thather long hair had been tied back into a ponytail, and she had removed her redcoat.       "What are you going to say to him?" hesaid.      Elise kept her eyes on the road. "Iprobably won't have to say too much, by the time we get there, he'll still bewith her."      "So you're planning to just walk in onthem?"      "That's the plan, preferably when they arehaving sex, cause then all of this will be easier to do."      "How did you first find out about this?"      "I got suspicious when he reminded me tocall him from the airport, to say that I had arrived safely. The next trip Itook, I got back to the house and then called him to say that I had landed. Isaw Stacy – the eighteen-year-old next door – and my husband sharing a good-byekiss at my front door. I looked through the rubbish and found condoms, andchecked his phone. He still hadn't deleted his phone sex messages with her."      "So you still have doubts about what'sgoing on?" said Robert, but his sarcasm didn't elicit the smile he wanted fromher. It was her turn now to be tense and anxious.      They were now off the motorway and drivingthrough a residential area.     "Could youplease come inside with me?"      Robert turned in his seat. "I was actuallyhoping you would ask."      This time Elise managed a nervous smile."I'm guessing for the entertainment rather than moral support."      "I'd say 60/40."      The Range Rover stopped outside a tall,and wide neatly trimmed hedge. When Robert leaned forward in his seat, he couldsee the partial paved driveway and the corner of what was a very large house,set back behind the lawn.      When Robert entered through the open gatebehind Elise, he could now see the lush lawn and a pond in the corner.      At the house, Elise peered inside thelighted window, and then stepped back.      "They're having wine and sitting verycomfortably, if you know what I mean."      "I think I do."      "Come on let's sit, I'm sure they won't beable to keep their pants on for much longer."      "Let's hope so," he replied with too muchenthusiasm.      Elise glanced at him and raised her brow.      "Sorry," he said.      They sat down on a bench, which was on thelawn, so they could also see the lights inside the living room.      "How do you know there not just having sexright there on the couch?"      "Because we tried and –"      "And…"      "It's not comfortable."      After ten minutes, one of the bedroomlights came on, sending out another glare onto the grass.      "We're in business," said Robert.      Elise slowly opened the front door steppedinside and listened. She heard what she perceived as laughter, and started toclimb the stairs. As she walked along the landing, she could hear heavybreathing and moans from Stacy.       She now stood outside the door, alongsideRobert.      "What're you waiting for?"      "I'm not sure," said Elise.      "Ok, you're not getting cold feet now."Robert stepped forward and opened the door.      "What – stop!" But it was too late. Eliselocked eyes with Stacy, who was on top of her husband - David. The couple onthe bed were frozen in shock for a few seconds, and then David rolled Stacy offof him and sat up in the bed. He opened his mouth to speak, but there were nowords to explain.       Elise stepped inside, which is when Davidran his fingers through his long brown hair and apologised.      "Shut up," said Elise. "I'm not here foryour apologies. I'm just going to grab my stuff and I'll be out of here. I knowyou love her, and eventually you would leave me for her, so I'm saving you thetrouble. Even though I should, I don't blame you for fucking someone – someone,who's still just a child – behind my back." Elise glanced at Stacy. "Nooffence, Stacy. I've known about this for months, and I should've confrontedyou earlier. But it seems as if you're coping with that guilt just fine, on topof our silk sheets, which were a wedding present, by the way. Anyways, I hopeyou two will be happy, I sincerely mean that."      Elise spun around and took a few stepstowards the door before turning back. "Oh, this is Robert – Robert this is ournext door neighbours daughter, Stacy, and my soon to be ex-husband, David. Shewalked out of the room leaving Robert in her wake. He managed a nod, and thenquickly followed her out closing the door.      Back inside the Range Rover, Elise startedthe car and then suddenly started hitting the steering wheel, accidentallysounding the horn a couple times. She broke down in tears and let her head restagainst the steering wheel. Robert eased her into his arms and held her.      When the tears stopped, she moved aroundto face Robert and kissed him. She then started the car.      "Where are we going to go?"      "The nearest Marriott hotel," she said. "Iwas thinking maybe some TV, room service, and maybe have sex."      "Sounds like a plan." 


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