A season of breaking

I just had my sixth baby this past week. And it was quite the learning experience.

This entire past nine months has been a slow breaking process for me. I was so sick with morning sickness, then I just couldn’t do things I used to do, like long walks and fun outings with the kids. Finally, I could barely even walk. I’ve had to rely more and more on my family, because I couldn’t take care of everything myself.

I pride myself on doing everything. Having to be broken slowly has been very hard. It’s why I haven’t updated this blog, because I knew that all I’d do would be to whine. And who wants to read whiny blogs?

I was terrified of labor and delivery for the whole nine months. Surprise, labor and delivery wasn’t too bad. It was the postpartum hemorrhage that almost did me in. (And it was the doctor’s fault for the placental abruption, even though I begged him not to. Snarl.)

Here I am, four days later, and I still get shaky from the blood loss if I move around too much. So I sit. And nurse the baby. And have to let other people take care of things. This is very hard for me.

But it’s made me rely on God more, which I suppose was the whole point. His strength is made perfect in my weakness, after all. But having my pride beaten down has been so hard. And humiliating. I suppose I needed it, though.

Anyway, I’ll be back to creating things again … soon. Whenever soon might be. :-p