I’m Almost Here

I’m almost here, but not quite. It’s going to take a little longer, and not only because of this emotional crunch, but because of the time. I’m discovering just how much my husband did to support my writing and promotion of books. He gave me so much freedom from the daily humdrum. However, I laud him even more for putting things in order as much as anyone can.

My checklist since May 17 is a story about sudden loss and regaining equilibrium. Between each step insert “try to understand what has happened.”

Make arrangements for cremation.

Call family and friends.

Shut down anything about books.

Cancel all his appointments and mine.

Find checkbooks and passwords.

Call lawyer, tax man, health insurance.

Write obituary–not just the ordinary one, but something to honor him.

Answer phone, email messages, knocks on door.

Learn to say no to offers of help, or give people specific things that would help.

Find notes to know what projects he’d scheduled. Cancel, reschedule or show up to meet the contractor.

Pay bills due.

Pick up ashes.

Field more calls and visits.

That’s a tidy summary for the reality of sudden loss. It looks doable in writing, but some who read this will know what’s happening between those lines.

I’m forever grateful for everyone’s help during this difficult time, and this is the only reason I’m posting something so personal. I plan to return to writing and all that involves. It may be a different involvement, but writing and connecting with other writers is a big part of my life, and my husband wouldn’t want me to give it up. I’ll be around to see all of you, but not as quickly and efficiently as in the past.

With affection to all of you.

Lee