A History Of (Computer) Violence

Recently I heard Viggo Mortensen interviewed on the Q radio program. They mentioned his movie A History of Violence a couple of times. Pretty good flick.

 *** SPOILER ALERT ***

I prefer this role. NERD.

It's the story of a man who seems perfectly ordinary (aside from his amazing hotness), but is concealing a deep, dark reservoir of potentially lethal violence. That theme was on my mind today as I sat down to catch up on some writing projects and otherwise ease the pressure that accompanies me every waking hour to get more stuff done. 'Twas not to be.

It began innocently yesterday when my usually reliable printer decided it was bored with being reliable. This only occurs when I am running late. I was tempted to punt its plastic carcass into the lake, but I didn't have time. So I went to Plan B for getting my thing printed and moved on.

Upon further inspection today, when I needed to print out something else, same problem. Tried the usual tricks (disconnect it from the laptop; turn it off and on; curse it into the wild blue yonder; punt it into the lake). Sought help via printer software on computer. Program would not open. Sought help online. Laptop would not connect with wifi hotspot. Sought help in Control Panel. Printers section of Control Panel would not load.

At this point I should mention the things I need to print are FedEx labels for something that has to be mailed TODAY.

Do you see where this is going?

I am trying to see the silver lining here. I have forced myself to take a break rather than go out into the shed and get my husband's sledge hammer. I will use the time productively to finish today's blog post and ponder on how even mild-mannered folk can be transformed into printer-bashing maniacs by seemingly inconsequential hiccups to the daily routine. Here's a brief list of handy tips to improve your temper-losing experience.

Shouting helps. It doesn't even have to be real words. ARRRGGGHHHH is a good one. Maybe check to see if anyone (small children; neighbors) or anything (pets) is in the area and may misinterpret your therapeutic shouting session. Recall how many folks carry guns these days. You don't want to get shot when you are screaming your head off at your printer because your neighbor thinks a 'roid raged meth head has broken into your house.

Cursing helps. It really, really does. Especially if you were raised not to curse. My go-to is GD but F-bombs appear to be the clear favorite. Again, be aware of your surroundings. Don't do like my brother did and drop an F-bomb when he singed his arm while lighting one of the candles at the Mother's Day dinner table.

Breaking stuff does not help. This is a fine line. I get a tremendous satisfaction from breaking stuff, followed by an overpowering sense of regret and shame. Plus, any innocent bystanders may be injured by flying debris. Plus plus, you have to clean up the mess. If you are going to break stuff, have some cheap junk stowed away in a Breakables box just for the purpose. When the need arises, don your safety glasses, take your Breakables out in the back yard and fling away.

There are way too many examples in real life of people reaching their breaking points with unfortunate consequences. Let's keep it light today and enjoy this supercut of famous movie meltdowns. Warning: lots of cursing, so NSFW. But extremely satisfying. Notice how many scenes involve utter destruction of technology. Yes, printer, I am talking to YOU.

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