Do you know where your common sense went?

As
humans, we have a tendency to seek reason where there is none. Most of what
goes on in our lives is random. It may give us a sense of control when we blame
the supernatural for causing noteworthy events. Still, I suggest this is mild
insanity.




The
modern calendar wasn't even developed until 1582, which technically wasn't the
year 1582 until the calendar was created. It amazes me when intelligent people
suggest ancient man simply started counting years after Christ was born. Many
of these people also believe man once coexisted with dinosaurs and a magic pill
will cause unlimited boners and weight loss.




So, it's
11/11/2011. Wow. Technically, there is an annoying 2 and 0 within that date
confusing things. I mean, if it were 11/11/1111 then we'd have something. Oh, I
bet a shit storm of epic proportions would happen, including:

Happy
hour portions wouldn't be so damn chincy.
Teenage
boys would cut their bangs and pull up their pants.
Teenage
girls would stop dressing like Hollywood ho-bags.
Politicians,
coaches, and evangelists would stop lying.
My
sheets would fold themselves without eating one of my socks.
Cat
fur would no longer stick to my clothing.
I'd
watch an entire sporting event on TV without ads for Dremels or ED medicine.
A
cop would pull me over and give me $300 and a gold star for my superior driving
skills.
Children
would leave the sofa, go outside, and play football.
An
attractive woman would offer to buy me a drink without selling me anything or
introducing me to Jesus.
Amazon
would reward me as their 111 millionth customer by giving me unlimited free
books to read on my Kindle.
Elvis,
Freddie Mercury, and Michael Jackson would be discovered alive on a remote
island in the south pacific.
My
neighbor's dogs would develop incurable laryngitis.
Hair
would begin growing on the top of my five-head instead of inside my ears.
I
could drink coffee and Coors Light without peeing every thirty minutes.
The
US would foreclose on Bank of America, seize all of their assets, and hand them
over to their rightful owners while relocating senior management to Guantanamo Bay.
Fast
food commercials would stop featuring skinny, attractive people and show the lard-ass
booth busters that more typically frequent those establishments.
President
Obama would tell Michele Bachmann to take a flying fuck at a rusty pole.
Reality
TV and adult cartoons would be cancelled and replaced by Laugh-In, Soap, Monty Python's Flying Circus, and The Carol Burnett Show.
NBA
players would be forced to compete on Cupcake
Wars.
50
would be the new 30.
Scientists
would discover that melted cheese causes immortality.
Women
would burn bras again.
First
dates would include playful touching instead of twenty questions.
Bikers
would be forced to live on a carless island of spandex, leather, and silly
helmets.
Aliens
would arrive and hand out chocolate covered cherries and cannabis.
God
would part the clouds and yell, "Psyche!"