(2/4) “There had always been permission to kill any Tutsis we...

(2/4)  “There had always been permission to kill any Tutsis we discovered while on patrol.  But on April 6th our instructions became very clear: every Tutsi was to be found and killed.  It was even said over the radio.  Our first official order was to drive to a nearby city and open fire on unarmed civilians.  Most soldiers carried out the orders with glee.  The hatred had sunk into their core.  Let it be remembered that the killings were pursued with pride, passion, and determination. Soldiers fired indiscriminately at people walking down the road.  I pretended to participate, but I didn’t pull the trigger.  That night we returned to the camp and everyone swapped stories.  They bragged about how many people they’d killed.  It became a competition.  Soldiers would radio from other bases, and say: ‘We’ve killed so many already.  Why can’t you keep up?’  All of it was sickening.  I couldn’t eat for weeks.  But it was most traumatizing for the Tutsi soldiers in our army.  My roommate was a Tutsi.  He had to pretend like he was enjoying the murder of his friends and family.  He had to laugh along with the others to save his own life.  He could only remove his mask with me.  And he was the only one that I trusted with my plan.”
(Kigali, Rwanda)