The state of trans rights…

Today I want to bring two trans stories to your attention and then talk about the similarities between them. The usual caution is urged for any new readers: If you don't like being told you're privileged or sheltered, stop reading now. First, I want to point to a story that some people would call a victory. The EU court of human rights determined that Turkey has violated the rights of a trans woman, and has intentionally suppressed her legal rights all the way up to the highest courts in their country. Now she has validation that it happened. But, this is not a victory. It is only an admission of guilt from an outside party. It's a judge saying, "Yep, they did it, all right." There will be no fine, nor any changes to Turkey's legal mindset as a result of that judge's admission of guilt.

This is a common story that displays the problems that trans people face everywhere, in almost every country. Trans folks are not real people with the same legal rights as straights, and we can't rely on the social safety nets that cigendered people take for granted. We cannot trust police because they have a history of abusing and even raping our people in custody. Our homeless people are not welcome in most shelters, and rape centers turn us away because our presence is "too triggery for the real victims of rape." (And sadly, yes, there are sheltered women who claim there is no such thing as a raped man. That's a whole other ball of wax, though. I digress.) In natural disasters, organizations like the Red Cross won't turn away anyone else…EXCEPT for trans victims. They wouldn't want to risk offending anyone else by offering aid to us. Ain't that some shit?

This is worldwide. And the only way this woman in Turkey won her case was by going to an outside authority. Worse, her victory does not mean things will change in Turkey. It just means that the EU court has wagged its finger at Turkey for "bad form." Nothing changes. This is not a victory for anyone, not even the victim herself. It is a sign of the times for us, which sadly don't look that different from three and four decades back.

In this second story, a trans teen was ejected from school for using the bathroom. Pretty simple to understand, so I don't need to elaborate. When asked, people automatically say, "Of course I support tolerance and diversity." But let a queer walk into a public toilet looking suspiciously non-gender-conformed in ANY country, and suddenly even the liberals are getting stupid. "Aaaiieee! They might want to rape our children in the bathroom!" Really? You think this transitioning high school girl is REALLY going to the girl's public toilet at her school because she's trying to find a new way to rape your daughter in her clever disguise?

No, people, she's going in there to take a leak just like your kid, wash her hands, and…no wait, that's how straight people use a public toilet. Trans people sneak in, make sure no one freaks at their arrival, then quickly move to a stall to pee. They debate leaving with this little victory and with pee on their hands, or with going to risk a longer exposure at the sinks. They opt to wash their hands for the sake of public hygiene and get harassed at the sinks by some church lady screaming about her child's defiled virgin brain being violated by the sight of a queer being queer in a public bathroom, of all places. They then try to make a graceful escape while the church lady summons security because one of those uppity queers done forgot their place again. (They are then caught at the door while fleeing and are banned for life from the place of business as criminals, even though this SHOULD all be considered discrimination against the trans person's human rights.)

And while I'm on the topic, there is another, much larger group of people used to societal segregation and the idea that some people are inferior by right of external appearances. If we had the support of that much larger group, the resulting clout would be damned hard for the government to ignore. But we don't count those people as a group as trans allies because their thought leaders have wrongly declared that we do not have a real civil rights fight like they do. So we can only pick and choose allies based on individual screenings and awkward interviews that neither side likes dealing with. It's not a great way to build a political revolution.

Trans people face prejudice so bad that our population has a 42% suicide rate. We have a depressingly high number of murders, and this years Trans Day of Remembrance will have a very long list of names, including a woman in New York who was murdered right after gay marraige was passed. No one noticed. Oh, I reported it. But no one spread the word from there. The news updates stop with me.

While that other population is reduced to thefts and drug dealing as a result of job discrimination, our people are forced into prostitution and pornography to make ends meet. In either field, the people they work with or for see them more often as "she-males" instead of females. To avoid this forced sex work, we have to move to a few places with gender protection, only to discover that the cops in those places still won't respect those discrimination laws. The federal government should be speaking out on this, but play at our rights with trifling gimme gestures like the passport rule without passing more important laws like ENDA or eliminating hateful laws like DOMA. Sure, they'll let us queers leave the country with our passport carrying the right letter in the sex field, but we are not granted the same legal protections offered to all straight US citizens while we're staying home. That is so, so FUBAR. Oh, and while the gays are one step closer to serving in the military after the fall of DADT, trans soldiers are still listed as Section 8, just like good old crazy Klinger.

We cannot rely on the police anymore than a young black man in an inner city could. We have the same dismal education options, and even when we are allowed to use a public school, the "public toilet" is off limits to us. (Let's not even talk about daily bullying, enforced isolation, and brutal shaming acts like being urinated on by groups of boys.) We trans people know exactly what segregation is like, and yet, we can't get the other victims of segregation to acknowledge the similarity of our positions. Our rights are considered a wedge issue to use against every other minority, and even the gays have displayed a willingness to abandon us when it seems politically expedient.

I really don't mean to compare miseries, but I earlier reported on the story of a trans Occupy Wall Street protester who was chained to a toilet in their cell and refused food for 14 hours. No other protester was treated to extra torment and humiliation. The police only felt justified in torturing the trans protester because he's not a real person. (He's a FtM trans, by the way. I can get my pronouns right, really.) And while people have rightly been up in arms about Olsen being shot with a rubber bullet (it pissed me off too, so I totally get your anger and am not belittling it), they have quickly forgot that the New York police tortured and starved an innocent trans protester just to amuse themselves. That's because cisgendered people, and even some gay cigendered folks, don't care about trans people. Hey, we're only 1% of the world population anyway, so who should care? We're only the least of you, and it's not like a young and rebellious rabbi you respect didn't have something to say about the least of you. Or rather, he did and most of you choose to ignore that part because it's more morally convenient for you.

Which is always what frustrates me about any talk about civil rights. By default, I, as a member of the most abused group, am not allowed to bring any of my issues to the civil rights discussion table. I have to respect the views of every other minority at the table, even to the people who think I'm faking my bisexuality, or who think I'm a spy from the men trying to infiltrate the women's ranks, or who think I'm just a confused gay man who mutilated myself in a bid to convert straight men. (These are not views held by "ignorant right-wing religious nuts," by the way. These are views held by gay men, "womyn born womyn," rad-fem lesbians, and other rad-fem groups.)

Every other minority at the table has more privilege than us, and not one group at the table doesn't have a problem with letting their fringe members spit on us when we ask to talk about our issues. They remain silent in the face of our abuse because they wouldn't wish to "silence an ally." So they allow abuse of one ally by another, and they won't speak up about it.

You think I'm lying? ENDA was killed by Pelosi and Frank. That would be the first woman speaker of the house and a true liberal, and the first openly gay senator. (Who is also a well-known transmisogynist.) That's who killed the trans-inclusive ENDA, with help from HRC and other GL lobbies. Not the "evil" Republicans, although they totally would have helped if they were asked. No, it was the most liberal Democrats in office who personally stabbed trans folks and threw them under the bus. (They still failed to pass their watered down bill, so their cowardice and betrayal should sting as bitter defeat for the GL folks not just because ENDA lost, but because their leaders' betrayals cost the GL lobbies a lot of of their T support.)

When our so-called allies are willing to screw us without regrets, you can imagine how much fun the far right has in abusing us. And, what's worse is, they know they can get away with it, because NO ONE WANTS TO STOP THEM. Everyone says they support us, but when pressed to write to their elected offical and ask for ENDA, everyone I've approached has been openly hostile about not discriminating against trans people.

You can talk all you like about having an open mind or supporting diversity. You can lecture me about how I don't really know you at all. But until you start talking to the politicians about this, on EVERY level of government, they're going to assume the silent majority is still a bunch of transmisogynists. Maybe the recent opinion polls are right and that's not really true. Maybe the world isn't as anti-trans as its governments and controlling bodies are. But that's what the leaders assume, that the people who elected them still hate trans people, and they act accordingly.

Being honest, looking at the numbers of discrimination suits that trans workers have to file, and looking at the election results for anti-gay laws, I can very fairly say that even in so-called liberal work environments, I don't believe half of you people when you say you support us. Your voting results don't back up your claims that I'm misrepresenting you as close-minded bastards.

So no, I don't think silent people are really that open minded when it comes to the election polls instead of the opinion poles. Really, I think lots of people just spout their allegiance to diversity so they can act incensed over my anger, flipping my genuine victimhood into their privileged chance to belittle me and complain about how hard they have it in life.

I have it pretty good right now, despite my problems with multiple sclerosis and these constant weather shifts turning me into an emotional blender. But the only reason I have life good now is because someone else is caring for me. If I had to rely on the kindness of US strangers to fund my livelihood, I would have starved, never had my surgery, moved to another country, planet-hopped like a celebrity, or made any of those "impressive" moves that other people claim I did. Or bought a couch, for that matter. I didn't do shit except spend other peoples' money and let other people drive of fly me to different locations. What others see as my hard work on my "amazing" transition is really the story of how a few merciful Samaritans came to my rescue through the most unusual of circumstances. I am damn lucky to have gotten out of Texas and into Italy, a country that recognizes all of my gender rights. If it wasn't for Luche and his family, I would be dead in Texas. Because if someone else hadn't killed me, I'd have killed myself to escape the misery. Without my "Lucky Luciano," I wouldn't be the awesome bitch I am today. If I wasn't dead, I'd still be a defeated and angry person. Now I'm victorious and angry. I know, it's hard to tell the difference.

But, now that I got mine, I'm not looking away and pretending things are all better. I got people in Texas that I wish I could send funds to to pay for their transition and legal fees. But they told me I had to stop sending moeny or it would risk their welfare benefits. So I can't donate cash without making things worse. That is so fucked up. I'm not allowed to help my "sister", by law. My plans to make money and import her over her by exposing straight people to art looking at the other side of life hit a snag because the mainstream lacks empathy for anyone who is beneath them. So I'm flat broke because I write fucked up stories that nobody wants to know about. This may sound like bitterness at closed minds…that's because it is. But only a little bit.

Yet whenever I get funds from hubby, I'm constantly passing it to other people, no matter who they are. Why? Because I have empathy for y'all. So when someone says, "Oh, crap, guys I'm in trouble," I don't care if you're straight or queer, or even if you're someone I dislike and regularly disagree with. If I have cash and you need it, I'm going to email you and ask, "You got PayPal?" Over the last four years, if I'd not had this spending habit, I'd probably have the money to fly to Thailand for the second half of my surgery. But I can't get back into an "all-me" mindset to cut you people loose. So if I can help, I will try. Yes, even if you hate my guts and think I'm a freak. I'm stupid like that.

I don't do it to get back anything in return, but I would have thought these deeds would result in me gaining some small measure of empathy with other people, and that I could then use that empathy to explain these civil rights problems to them. And in most cases, the result is animosity toward me, accusations that I don't know them, or that I'm just full of shit. I've lost multiple friendships trying to explain how bad our lot in life is, and every time, the problem is, I get mad when my friends begin erasing and belittling our problems. So I say, "You're not respecting us!" and they drop insults and resort to calling me names, proving they didn't respect me in the first place. And this is after hanging out with these people for a few years, donating to their causes quietly in the background only to have someone publicly thank me for my help. Even after they knew I'd give them shirt off my back for their causes, they still could not feel empathy for the cause I presented for all-inclusive civil rights.

Some of you may be thinking, "Well Zoe, it's not like you have so few rights compared to me." Is your marriage invalid in your home country? No? Mine is. I can't bring hubby back to the US. Should I divorce him and come back to meet another guy, I can't marry them in Texas because that's gay marraige. And, I can't marry a woman either because that's also gay marraige, unless I change my birth certificate's gender marker and lie about being male. I have to move to a state and call my relationship a gay marriage to please the vanities of straight people, so I'm barred from straight marriage no matter which way I go.

I can be discriminated from most jobs should my gender status be revealed, and should I be arrested, it's a crap shoot whether I'll make it the first night without abuse in some form. Complete strangers who recognize my gender queer status feel no shame in walking up and attempting to guilt trip me for "being a heathen." And oh yeah, I'm barred from attending most religious services except in the most liberal of churches. And even there, the cisgendered and straight worshipers kind of hope I won't talk too much about my queerness. So, I'm a minority being actively stepped on, and some of you privileged people complain at me, "But why can't you find a positive way to talk about this?" (Or worse, folks claim that I'm using old abuses as ways to keep my anger going. This view erases and ignores the fact that my rights are still being abused daily. By so-called allies, no less.)

I don't expect this to change, so I want to leave you with this final thought: When you start to complain about how unfair your life is, think about how good you have it compared to some people. Think about what you take for granted that we're not allowed to have. Think about how even the simplest act of taking a piss become a political event for us, and a reason for straights to punish one of ours for stepping out of line again.

Keep that kind of daily abuse in mind so that the next time you see someone in a minority group complain about being mistreated, your first response isn't to belittle their experiences as "being common." No, it's not true, and the sooner you stop belittling and discriminating against us, the sooner we trans folks can get over our outrage at being fourth-class citizens.