He Who Controls the Pumpkin Spice Controls the World

Folks, there’s a war on our beloved holiday. Tinpot dict-haters are rising up and demanding we, the faithful, hate what they hate, despise what they despise. They’ll use subjective things like “science” and “facts” to point out that our great holiday love isn’t real, that it’s all artificial nonsense put forward by marketing execs looking to make a buck off the suckers. They sit upon their thrones of lies and slander and spew forth so much vitriol it’s hard to keep the faith. The faith…

…in p...