Is My Ambition Helping or Hurting My Daughter?

Sometimes it’s hard to tell.

It’s about 5:30 a.m. as I’m writing this. At 6:00 a.m. my daughter’s alarm will go off and she’ll come strolling out of her room and jump in the shower. By 7:00 a.m., she’ll be ready for school.

Except we live only 25 minutes away from her school and her first class doesn’t start until 8:45.

This has been my daughter’s new routine since the school year started. She’s in 11th grade and she’s already professed that this is “her year.” Sewing class every Tuesday, 3D printing every other Monday, kickboxing twice a week, and we’re searching for graphic design classes and a weekend retail job to fit into her schedule. We’re also committed to attending at least one artistic event each week.

This is all her idea. She insisted I pack her schedule and she’s kept me accountable in making sure that happens. My only caveat was that she keep her grades exceptional and she hasn’t scored lower than a 90 on any of her tests.

One part of me is loving this. To watch her grow into a young woman and explore different versions of herself has been incredible. But I know part of why she’s been so focused on waking up early and filling her schedule is because she’s watching me.

Kids Notice Everything

This isn’t a guess. During the summer before she came up with this plan, she asked me questions. She asked me why I wake up so early every day. She wanted to know more details about my career and asked what it would take for her to be successful. Then before the school year started, she came to me with her goals all laid out.

I’m so proud of what she’s doing and the fact that she’s stuck to this schedule for two months. But is my schedule a healthy barometer for a 16-year-old? Should she be imitating someone who gets four hours sleep a night and works 14 hour days?

I want her to be ambitious. I want her to achieve all the goals she sets for herself. But I also want her to enjoy being a teenager. I encourage her to have a social life and to go out with her friends on weekends instead of doing schoolwork a week ahead of time.

I’m Watching and Learning

At this point, I’m not going to stop it. I’ll let her keep pushing herself as far as she can and I’ll support it. But I’m watching her. As much as I want her to succeed, I don’t want her becoming a workaholic teen.

Maybe my next step as a parent is teaching her how to work smart. Let her know that working hard doesn’t have to mean working long hours. Maybe I should let her figure that out herself. As a parent, you never really know what the right move is. Especially when you only have one child, it’s pretty much hunches and gut feelings.

It’s an odd position to be in. Parenting a teenager as someone who’s still considered a millennial is a strange position, generally. I’ve written entire posts on that topic alone. What I’m trying to say is that I’m both wary and honoured that she’s following my example. If you’re doing mostly positive things like I am, then there really shouldn’t be much to worry about.

I’ll keep you posted if things change. For now, she’s taking on the world head-on.

P.S., she’s up and making breakfast now!

C.R.Y

Is My Ambition Helping or Hurting My Daughter? was originally published in C.R.Y on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.