Find Your Rage

Hello, dear readers. We’re you as riveted by this week’s Blasey Ford and Kavanaugh testimony as I was? Certainly, it seemed like the whole United States was watching or listening. I had my ear buds on at work, listening through NPR. My productivity was for shit that day, but I wasn’t the only one. The man in the office behind me was watching on his computer. Later, he and another colleague got in an argument. A civil one, but an argument nonetheless. It’s all such a mess.

I’m glad the FBI is performing an investigation, but I don’t think it will make a difference. I think he’ll be confirmed. Whether this is good or bad news depends on your politics, of course. I’m sure you’ll be able to tell mine from the following screed. Nothing gets me more worked up than women’s issues, except maybe humanity’s crimes against the Earth.

Do I think Kavanaugh did this? I have no idea. I believe Dr. Blasey Ford, but I cannot say with certainty that she isn’t mistaken about the identity of her attacker. I will say this: I think it’s more likely that Kavanaugh assaulted her and doesn’t remember. I think it’s likely he was so adamant about his innocence because he doesn’t want to believe he was capable of such a thing. Human beings have an enormous capacity to lie to themselves.

Certainty? We’re not going to get it here, much to my frustration and everyone else’s, I’m sure.

I think it’s likely Kavanaugh behaved this way because many perfectly normal young men act this way. It’s sad to say, but many women and girls know this in their bones. Am I wrong?

These boys may go on to be upstanding citizens who wouldn’t think of committing violence against women. Before you get and upset and think I’m stating, “Boys will be boys,” please understand that I think statements like that are exactly the problem. It’s why a seemingly normal boy or man will assault a female, lie about a female, humiliate a female, or abuse a female. Our culture encourages boys to act this way. They are taught from a young age that sexual conquest makes them more impressive in the eyes of other boys. The girls don’t even come into it as human beings. They’re nothing more than chips to be used. They’ve been socialized to understand females through a narcissistic lens.

Simply put, they’ve been taught that they matter more than girls. They’ve been taught that they matter so much more than girls that they’ll make a poor girl’s life miserable without a second thought if they think it will make them look cool, like a big man. If it will obscure their fear and insecurity.

How about a story. This one is mild because we’ve heard enough horrible shit lately, but it’s typical of the kind of things that happen to girls and young women on a regular basis.

A naïve young woman, a freshman in college, gets drunk and goes off with a young man. They make out. She lets him knead and suck on her breasts. When it gets too heated, she insists they go back to the others. Later, when the young woman has dates with other young men, they all grab her head and try to force it into their laps. She resists and departs the situation. Only later, when she is older, does she realize what probably happened. The first young man told all his buddies that she had sucked his dick. They pursued her because they thought she would suck their dick, too. She wasn’t a person. She was a dick sucker. The only value they saw in a fellow human being was in terms of their ugly little cocks.

Here’s the kicker. Males hardly ever suffer any repercussions for this kind of behavior. Often, they suffer no consequences for outright assault. They hear, “Boys will be boys.” They hear, “Well you know, boys have urges. Men have needs.” They hear, “We can’t ruin this promising fellow’s life simply because he caused a girl a trauma that will haunt her for years! Who gives a shit about a girl, anyway? Hey, Sally! Suck my dick!”

Sorry. As I write I get angrier and angrier. Care for some female rage? I’ve got an endless fucking reservoir, in no small part because girls hear much different things. They hear, “Don’t let boys touch you that way.” At the same time they hear, “Be nice, be accommodating, or boys won’t like you.” The implication? You’re not worth much if boys don’t like you. The pressure also comes from the boys who condemn girls for being cock teases or prudes, or frigid or stuck up.

Damned if you don’t. Damned if you do.

If you have sex because it’s a normal biological function, you’re loose, you’re cheap, you’re easy, you’re a slut. If you deviate at all from the impossibly narrow slot into which you’ve been shoved, your value is stripped away because society defines and judges you based solely on your interactions with males.

Lest you think my ire is focused only on males, the slut thing? Other females are some of the most egregious offenders. Even worse, a girl might get labeled this way simply because other girls are jealous of her looks or popularity. Some girls have no awareness of the mind-fucking to which they’ve been subjected. Some grow up to be completely oblivious women. In addition to this “can’t win” situation, women's freedom is still restricted because we have to guard against sexual assault. I think things have gotten much better for girls since my time growing up. I don’t think they hear, “You can’t go there/do that. You’re a girl,” as much as they used to, but the threat is real.

It all boils down to this: Nearly exclusively, females suffer the negative social repercussions of sex. Far too often, they are left alone to handle pregnancy, the major physical repercussion of sex.

What do girls hear? Since Eve bit the apple, we are responsible. The whole fucking Judeo-Christian culture is based on the fundamental blame of the female. The patriarchal white male god points his finger at us and bellows:

YOU ARE BOTH THE VESSEL AND THE GUARDIAN OF SEX, FOREVER DOOMED TO BEAR TOO MUCH OF ITS UGLINESS AND SHARE TOO LITTLE OF ITS JOY.

Let’s refuse, shall we? All the good men out there can help us. But first and foremost, we need to work on it ourselves. We are legion. We can do it.