Something good out of this mercury retrograde…

This mercury retrograde has been a mutha fucka. But as we're slowly coming to realize, it's not that shit doesn't happen when your all zen and spiritual like, it's just that you can laugh about it easier (or at least sooner than usual because sometimes at the moment of, it's just not funny).

But, regardless of this cycles tendancy to cause shall we say, mischeif in our lives, it has proven for me to be an amazing time of reflection.

Now, admittedly my inner reflection time didn't start in depth until this week. But because the potential for another relationship appeared in my life, it has inspired a lot of random moments of pondering.

I like being a self aware person. I like taking moments to be fully present and quietly inquire about myself. I also like the honesty that I can come at myself with. Don't get me wrong, I'm fairly good at trying to bullshit me, but I'm very patiently persistent in those conversations. I mean look, you know when you're lying. So I'll just keep repeating the questions until I can feel the truth in the answers.

This can be quite a process. My ego is a wonderfully arrogant stubborn mutha fucka. In fact I think I'll give it a name: Crystal's SVT.

Any who, these effen mercury retrogrades are also excellent for revisiting the past. In my case, it was past tendencies. It's a chance for us to take a look at things, and decide what's coming, and what's being left. I had quite a something to get rid of.

So, something for the last few had been quietly nagging at me. Specifically feelings I was having towards a situation. It made me ask those really deep questions like what I felt I was missing? What I was reaching for? Was there some lack I still perceived in myself that I was looking to have filled?

Now it wasn't an all out regression into bad habits, just little things that I sensed would become big things if I didn't start wondering at their source now. My answers, when it finally hit me late yesterday evening left me with a good two hours of this massive heart charka opening that I swear could have made the entire world smile and start hugging. Maybe it did, that would be cool.

And by the way, if you have not yet had one of those moments, omfg do it. It's amazing to feel, no to be that kind of love.

This epiphany was inspired by this question: I know what it feels like to be in love in a completely unbalanced energetic body. Its flashes of bliss coupled with the raging insecurity of the ego. A dangerous mix inside a Scorpio let me tell you.

So I asked myself, well then what does it feel like to in love inside a balanced energetic body? I pondered this deeply for an hour. I'm not even going to lie, I even looked it up on some of the spiritual sites I visit on the internet. As usual, when I need an answer I'm pointed in the right direction.

And the answer was simple: silly girl. Being in love inside a balanced energetic body means you realize, feel, know deeply that no catalyst is required, it's what you very simply are.  Love. Unconditional, pure, love. All the time.

And then I giggled. If you've never had this moment, this utter realization of truth you're going to think I'm a raging lunatic (and I am) having an incredibly sappy moment (also true). And that's fine. I love you for it.

I'm telling you, it was fantastic. I wondered how had I forgotten this? I knew this. And yes, we want connection, not just because we're disconnected from the Source (or God whatever you want to call it) at times, but because our energy fields are craving each other. After being stuck in this illusion for so long, is it not just fucking fantastic when you can be present with someone else who recognizes the illusion too? But that's a side note. It doesn't change the very simple fact  there is nothing to fear. We never lose love. It's not required that we get it back, or be noticed for giving it out. It is very simply, what we are.

A difficult space to hold 24/7 I know. But something worth working towards, and sharing at as many possible moments as we can.

Now I feel like I can step out of this mercury retrograde, moving forward and that I've used the opportunity presented wisely. I feel like I just graduated third grade or something. So! Bring on the next. Bring eeeeet.

How was your retrograde? Please to share.