I want my mummy

Dr. Fleshrender had been trying to learn ancient Egyptian mummification techniques for years, but he'd yet to master even the most basic principles.

First of all, he just wasn't into all that yucky stuff with the internal organs and putting them in jars. Coptic (a feel, heh) or not.

Secondly, he found the mixture of soda ash, bicarbonate and household salt he was meant to bath his mummies in just unpleasant. Natron my ass, he'd mutter.

Thirdly, most of his volunteers did not want to have a...