Behavior, Honesty, Drinking, Partisanship

Three issues are driving the country particularly insane this week: Behavior Under The Influence, Honesty, and Partisanship. Depending on whether you are male or female you probably have different takes on what issue is most important to you. As a woman, I can identify with the concerns of men about what they do under the influence and whether they should get a pass or not. I can identify but don’t believe boys are not responsible for what they do at every age and every circumstance. White males under the influence have long been given a pass, and that’s something to think about no matter who you are. But behavior under the influence is only part of the equation of rage right now. How do we determine what matters most? Let’s unpack the three issues.

Behavior As The Main Issue

For millions of women, the debate about male behavior under the influence have triggered nightmares, questioning and rethinking about what happened to them in their college years. Partisanship plays a part here, too. What was better for men ruled. Most of us were silent when assault or sexual exploitation happened to us, either in high school, college, or in the workplace.

Many women can’t speak about what they did or did not, or could not do to stop it even decades later. We were well behaved. Some of us admired our assaulters and didn’t want them to get in trouble. And let’s face it, our  dads would have gotten mad, and not at us. Those millions of women are thinking about it, and hurting in a whole new way. If you are triggered by the question of sexual assault under the influence right now, you may care most about not giving a pass to those who who have behaved badly.

Honesty As The Main Issue

If you’re not concerned about what happened in college or law school so long ago and don’t want to take sides about that, you may be concerned about honesty. Is someone you want to trust and believe in not telling the truth? Is that something you care about? Do you care about integrity of the people in power? Decent people usually care about truth telling. Honesty. If I tell you something, you can believe me now and in the future. I don’t lie about anything even if telling the truth makes me look bad.

But what if I don’t tell the truth about a lot of things, both big and small, and my lies can be proven? Do you still respect me? Do you want to know me? Would you be comfortable lending me money, or giving me a job? Would you trust your children with me? I don’t think I could get a job as anything much if proven a liar. Honesty really matters to some people. And that issue even beyond facts might matter the most.

Drinking As A Core Issue

I’m throwing drinking in here in part because I believe alcohol and its woes are the core issue in the debate right now. I’ve said it a million times. When you mix alcohol with humans, you will get bad behavior, lies and regrets. But sometimes you don’t get any regrets. No regrets reveals a lack of integrity. I’ll admit my drinking days. I used to think drinking was great. I made jokes about needing a drink at 5PM. When the waiter came and asked me what I wanted to order, I used to say “one of each.” I didn’t mean it because I could only have one and a half drinks before I got really tipsy. When I had a buzz, I would say, “I’m drunk.”

I have driven under the influence. I have gotten loud and partisan. I’ve lost my cool. Once, the day before I was to receive a lifetime achievement award, I went to a Renaissance Fair and had two plastic cups of what I thought was punch. I passed out in my roast beef and mashed potatoes. It was the only time I got really drunk, and it was the end. I remember the colleagues to who carried me to the bus after the jousting. I remember how they filled their napkins with dinner rolls to get me to eat something so I could go to the ceremony the next day. I remember the room spinning and feeling sick all night. I remember my shame at not paying attention and getting that drunk. I do not remember winning the award. Now I drink Arnold Palmers because I like golf, and lemonade. Coffee, tea. I do not deny how I used to be. But I know alcohol did not make me the best person I could be.

Partisanship As The Main Issue

Political partisanship may be your only concern this week. If this is the case you will pick and choose which theory to back and which tune to sing according to your own belief system and identity. We get it. You love your people. Partisanship is picking and choosing about what matters only according to how the end result will affect your political identity and not necessarily according to critical thinking. If your guy stands to lose because of an issue related to your core values, shouldn’t you do real thinking about what that means. Can you think for yourself.  I try to be objective, and of course it’s not always easy. For me objectivity means integrity and honesty and fairness on both sides that matter the most. When those values are compromised, nothing else matters.

 

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