What’s left of my marbles are circling the drain…

So, I’ve been housebound (bedroombound) for 3 days and I’m already losing my mind.

For those of you who don’t know, I had a stress fracture in my foot. I went to the doctor on Thursday and he referred me to the foot and ankle specialist and sent me off to the hospital to be fitted with an air cast. I went and got it but found it very difficult to walk in as it was too tall for me and put pressure on my foot in all the wrong places, causing me pain where I didn’t previously have any.

So, I took it off, vowing to take it home and try to figure out how to make it work…right after we took my kid to her audition for the Vancouver Film School. So of course, as I’m walking up a set of steps on the way to the audition, I tripped and snapped the stress fracture. It was probably the most painful thing that has ever happened to me, and I’ve had my gallbladder out and given birth.

So, I cried and limped my way back to the car and sent my husband off to the audition with my daughter and her friend. Once that was over (She got in! I’m so damn proud!) we made our way back to the hospital where they put a temporary splint on it and set me up with the orthopedic surgeon.

So here I am. I needed a wheel chair to get to the car because it was too painful to be on crutches. Once I got home, I made it half way up the sidewalk on crutches, crying the whole way, until my husband went and got my office chair and wheeled me the rest of the way to the house. Fortunately, my brother was at my house for something and helped my husband get me up the steps and into the house.

I crawled my way up the stairs to my bedroom and with my husband’s help, managed to get up off the floor and onto my bed. And there I have stayed, except for the occasional painful trip to the bathroom on crutches and to sit on my office chair (now back in its rightful place).

So far, this has been the most humiliating thing I have ever had happen to me (once again, I’ve given birth). And it doesn’t look like it will be getting better soon.

I can’t get myself a drink of water, or a slice of toast. I can’t go down and sit and watch TV. When my dog whines in the morning to be let out or to be fed, I can’t do it. I can’t have a shower because I can’t stand in the tub and so figuring out how to get clean is the next thing on my list of stuff to figure out.

I’m not good on crutches. I’m too heavy, have no sense of balance and my uninjured foot suffers from plantar fasciitis. The injured foot is on my dominate leg, the one I rely on to lift me up and help me navigate.

Someone is going to have to come stay with me when my husband is at work and my daughter is at school in case I fall and to feed me.

I know it’s temporary, and I know it will get better eventually but anyone who knows me knows how much I value my independence. I am the person who takes care of people. Let me cook for you, it’s my favorite thing to do. But I can’t get near my stove.

My biggest source of stress is my job. I love my job. I may only work at a small town grocery store, but it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something. I love my customers and I’ve worked really hard to build a good relationship with a lot of them. And my boss is awesome. She is the hardest working woman I know and she inspires me a lot. She’s given me an opportunity I never thought I’d have, to do something that makes me feel like I’m making a difference.

I get a lot of my sense of pride from my job.

I’m pretty fond of most of the people I work with and they are the people I spend most of my time with. I’m going to miss them a lot while I’m off.

So now I have to find something to occupy my time.

I hope to get a lot of books review for Love Bytes. Dani will be happy with me, lol.

And I hope to write. I’m 12000 words into a work in progress that I think is pretty good. Plus there’s the sequel to Love Aggression I’ve been asked about. And I have 3 other stories that have great starts but kind of got sidetracked. So I have lots to write.

Also, there are like 500 books in my TBR file on my computer so I have a ton of stuff to read.

I know I’m lucky. I have a lot of people to depend on. My husband, my daughter, my parents. My brother and sister and their families will be looking in on me. So I’m not alone.

But man, it’s gonna feel like it sometimes. I see teary, angry days ahead. I have to figure out how to get out of the house to go see the surgeon on Thursday and I can only hope they will do what needs to be done right then. That will not be a good day.

And I’m going to sound dramatic some days…sorry about that, but it feels pretty dramatic at the moment. I also expect to come out of this with a new appreciation for all the people out there who are permanently in a wheelchair or other limited mobility device. the fact that you all figure it out without going completely bonkers is something you already have my admiration for.

So, if you’re looking to hit someone up for some conversation, come and talk to me. It’s not like I’m going anywhere, lol.

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