The Challenge for Dementia Caregiving to a Relative

This is written for those who are affected by dementia as a relative of a person with this terrible illness.

A quote from the Melon Health newsletter recently:
“All human beings deserve compassion and understanding, and that's a fact.
“Self-compassion may need to start as a deliberate act. Consider your needs in a warm, caring, comforting way.
“Recognise you are struggling and give yourself the love and support you might get from someone close to you, someone who is showing you compassion.
“This is one of the most important things you will do today.”

Self-care has been very much on my mind in the last couple of weeks because my wife’s dementia has deteriorated seriously.

I went from coping (which I’ve done for the last 10 years with some help) to not coping emotionally, and struggling physically. I’m at the extreme edge of my stress tolerance and unwilling to take on even the small extra challenges of life (if I can avoid them) because of my increased care-giving responsibility.

I’m worn out intellectually and emotionally

Despite knowing that looking after myself is the best way to keep looking after my wife, I can’t face putting her in a rest home, even for a short time so that I get some respite.

Being put in a rest home is my wife’s biggest fear (apart from losing her mind, which she is newly aware of happening) and it would be emotionally devastating for her even if it was just rest home care for a week. I couldn’t cope with the stress of trying to do this against her will. The guilt of doing it (if I could) would also stress me out.

Caregiving for a stranger must be a lot easier. It’s the deep emotional ties that make care of a relative with dementia so hard.

People sometimes see me as hard-hearted because of my external calm and acceptance of my situation, but I’m not. I’m crying inside and my broken heart is bleeding.