How to Write an Inspirational Article that Everybody Will Love So Much They Will Want to Hug You…

How to Write an Inspirational Article that Everybody Will Love So Much They Will Want to Hug You Until Your Head Pops Off

INSERT: Inspirationally Looking Pic Here (usually best if it’s a young fit person standing on top of a mountain that none of your readers look like or could possibly climb even if there was an escalator running up the side of the fucking mountain)

“man standing on rock formation” by Sadeq Mousavi on Unsplash

INSERT: Bolded Open Ended Question to Hook Reader

Do You Want to Change Your (INSERT Anything you fucking want here)

INSERT: Rambling personal example of why this is the most important thing you will read at least until you read the next most important thing you’ll ever read.

A long boring rambling personal story about how all that follows changed my life at least long enough for me to get inspired enough to write this article about how inspiring this all is, was, will be again, OH MY GOD I’M LOSING IT. STAY POSITIVE, STAY FOCUSED, POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS!!!! Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man…..

INSERT: First of ten sneaky listicle headings that don’t look like listicles because I didn’t number them, but really are even though we shouldn’t use listicles anymore because a listicle guru said they aren’t cool anymore and he isn’t using them anymore, so I shouldn’t use them either and testicle, OH MY GOD I’M LOSING IT. Breath, stay positive, focus, okay. POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS!!!! Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man…..

Just Do It! (But don’t do it in a way that gets you sued by Nike)

Long vaporous fluffy jazzy peppy sounding bubble gum speech about getting shit done and being a winner while you do it. Or Just do it. But not in a way that leads to a lawsuit because then my anxiety issues kick in and I can’t reach my meds and OH MY GOD I’M LOSING IT. Breath, stay positive, focus, okay. POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS!!!! Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man…..

INSERT: Second of ten sneaky lisitcle headings, because 7 or 10 always sell. But don’t number them, never number them, because if you number them they will know you're a fraud and the listicle guru who doesn’t use listicles anymore said I shouldn’t use listicles anymore and OH MY GOD I’M LOSING IT. Breath, stay positive, focus, okay. POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS!!!! Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man…..

Just Do It Even When You Don’t Feel Like Doing It!

Obligatory peppy pep talk about pushing through for when the reader’s third cup of coffee wears off and they are crashing.

INSERT: Eight more super duper spunky neato sneaky unnumbered listicle headings like happy dappy marshmallow lumpinchunks all dancing in perfectly centered and bolded headings down the page just so one of your fucking blog posts can get featured and receive more than twenty claps and you will finally feel like you aren’t wasting all your time and effort writing short stories and poetry that nobody gives a shit about and OH MY GOD I’M LOSING IT. Breath, stay positive, focus, okay. POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS!!!! Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man…..

INSERT: Wise sounding quote in large text from someone who has been dead a very very long time and is widely considered to be an extremely wise person even though they failed to invent toilet paper.

Wise sounding gibberish- Dead Wise Dude

INSERT: One more picture of nature or cute fuzzy animal pic, it doesn’t fucking matter what as long as it’s bright and cheery looking unlike the darkness in my heart that keeps trying to creep back into the this jazzy, spiffy little OH MY GOD I’M LOSING IT. Breath, stay positive, focus, okay. POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS!!!! Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man…..

“white puppy running on green grasses” by Nikolay Tchaouchev on Unsplash

INSERT: Nice upbeat positive ending that ties everything together in a nice neat little fluffy bow and sounds almost exactly like the last inspirational listicle, oops, I mean “article” you wrote.

A short summary that you don’t really need to read if your eyes haven’t rolled back into the back of your head because of the grand mal seizure this happy horseshit has caused you, but maybe you want to read it because of all the positive adjectives and adverbs I’m going to through in to make the word count, but you don’t really have to of course because it’s all about just doing it, not in a Nikey sort of way, but you know, in any way you want to do it because who am I to tell you how to do something even though that was the whole point of this fucking listicle, uh I mean article yeah, that’s what I mean, OH MY GOD I’M LOSING IT. Breath, stay positive, focus, okay. POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS!!!! Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man, Tony Robbins is a very wealthy man…..