JB - Above-Top-Secret-Agent-Guy-Person - Chapter 1
J.B. : Above-Top-Secret-Agent-Guy-Person
A thrilling series of thrilling top-secret adventure novels
Chapter 1
of
J.B.: Above-Top-Secret Agent Person Guy
Adventure #1:
“The Case of the Thing with the Thing, and Whatsaname”
By: JT Velikovsky
© August 12th2017
Page 1, Chapter 1:
====================================
J.B., super-handsome and athletic heart-throb top-secret agent guy walked down the long corridor of CIA Headquarters in Langley Virginia in the good ole U.S. of A.
This meeting was going to be the most important meeting of his life, and he knew it. The stakes could not be higher. He could feel it in his boner.
He saw the secret CIA Briefing Room door getting closer and closer as he walked towards it.
…This was it.
The moment of truth…
Just then disaster struck. A stinking miasma reached his nose, for he had just farted the worst silent fart of his life–possibly even the worst fart in recorded human history–and suddenly, his whole world came crashing down around him.
This was bad.
His heart raced. What to do? It was a potentially-lethal fart, he realized.
Someone could get hurt, or even killed.
Should he hang around in the corridor for 60 seconds, and try and walk it off, before entering the Briefing Room? Surely, he couldn’t just walk a fart like this into this big important meeting with some of the most powerful and serious people in the world.
But, he also knew, if he did that, and paced around in the corridor for a minute, it would mean he would be one minute late for the most important meeting in his life, and possibly even in all of human history.
Panic set in. Using the age-old `combat-breathing technique’, he fought the panic off. He mentally counted to four as he breathed in, then held his breath for a slow count of four again, then breathed out as he counted to four a third time. This made it worse, as having now really ingested the terrible fart, he also felt nauseous and light-headed. He fought off the gag reflex and mentally slowed his heartbeat with the old `slowing the heartbeat down’ yoga trick.
Think; I’ve got to think-?! he thought…
He stood stock still before the door as now the backwash of the drifting fart gently enveloped and overtook him.
What if someone came out of the door, right now…? The entire jig would be up.
Game Over. Roll Credits. Pack up the chairs and go home. The End. Never To Be Continued. That is definitely All, folks.
It would be an unmitigated disaster… His whole reputation was on the line. If this played out like it looked like it was going to, unless he took action–and fast–then he, J.B., top-secret-agent, would forever be: that guy who did that worst fart, ever. And, walked it right into a big meeting.
Rumours would spread. No-one would ever again take him seriously.
His reputation, his entire career, was on the line.
But–should he now pace around in the hallway, and walk it off?
If anyone saw him, they might mistake his pacing intentions as nerves, or anger, or even frustration. Would that be even worse? Maybe. Hard to say.
He stood frozen, standing right before the door, steeling his nerves. …What to do?
Suddenly the door burst open and a pert, bosomy, female Aide–with great shapely legs–in her early 20s, dressed in a suit, rushed out of the door, a folder clutched under one arm. She brushed past J.B., and she raced off down the hall, her luscious boobs jiggling under her shirt, dragging the bulk of his fart away with her down the hall. It got caught up in her slipstream as she went, and she took most of it away with her.
J.B. was saved, due to random chance.
Phew, he thought. Yay, for: random chance!
He sniffed the air again, still unsure. Was it still there...? Lingering traces, perhaps?
Eureka!
The fart was now almost undetectable. His lack of a good plan had worked out brilliantly.
He watched her go, ten feet away... now, twenty feet...
As she moved off, he admired her shapely female figure, the waggle of her ass, the bounce of her booty.
Must be jello, cos jam don’t jiggle like that, he surmised, sexistly.
His boner twitched in his pants, programmed by millions of years of genetic evolution to respond to random visual female sexual-signals.
Suddenly, she was now thirty feet away, and she halted–and turned back to look him square in the eye.
Uh-oh... he thought.
His heart stopped. Surely, she had now smelt his fart - and had realized what had just happened.
...How would he ever bone her now, if the chance even came up? He had never even seen her before in his life, but he already knew, he had blown his chance of randomly getting his rocks off with her, whoever she was. Maybe, she was even: important.
“They’re ready for you J.B., so head right on in,” she smiled warmly at him.
He noticed the curves and the ballast of her ample breast, through her very low-cut blouse... her mouth-watering breasts served up there for his visual pleasure like a platter of juicy rockmelons. They had jiggled a little as she spoke and were still settling... It was pure poetry in motion.
She turned on her high heel which she knew made her calf muscles look more shapely and would attract more sexual attention from males, and she marched off, obviously in a hurry. But not too much of a hurry, as she knew his gaze was still on her and she wanted to show off her assets from behind.
He nodded, stunned. As she titted away down the corridor, he wondered just how she knew his name, "J.B."...? - That information was supposed to be above-top-secret...?
Maybe, he thought, his above-top-secret reputation preceded him...?
Maybe she had heard of him, maybe he was even famous in CIA circles, and maybe, if the chips fell right, he could actually give her a good schtupping sometime in her near future, after all.
After all, hadn’t her words just now, had a hidden second meaning, a salacious subtext? “They’re ready for you J.B., so, head right on in…” were her exact words.
Surely, she was communicating via code: her sexual readiness for him...?
It could hardly be more obvious, he thought, like the gutter-minded chauvinist sexist pig he was, since he was a male.
Surely, she was actually, really saying: “Bone me but good, big boy - Go for gold!”
He smiled and he nodded knowingly. Stuff was going good today. He was probably going to get laid tonight, and as usual, being a male, he didn't really give a shit, by which random female.
He took another deep breath, steeled his nerves, adjusted his boner, and he knocked on the big important secret CIA door.
“Come in” said a deep authoritative voice from behind the CIA door.
Two burly armed secret service agents stepped out, and they ushered him inside the secret room.
From scanning both their expressionless secret agent faces, they didn’t seem to smell the traces of his fart..?
He seemed to have actually, gotten away with it?
...The perfect crime?
As top secret agent J. B. stepped inside the dimly-lit CIA top-secret Briefing room, he saw about twenty important men in suits (and also a few sexy women - but then again, all women were sexy to J.B.; he’d pretty much fuck anything female that moved, as noted previously) were all seated around a large round table.
There was the President, the joint chiefs of staff, the head of the CIA, head of the FBI, head of Homeland Security... and some other folks he didn’t recognize but he knew they must be super-important, powerful and authoritative people; because they were wearing suits.
Maybe, they were even, members of the Secret Society who really ran the world… he thought. Or, who knows what?, he thought. Like - The Majestic-12, or The Bilderbergers, or The Illuminati, or the Masons, or someone like that…
J.B. wasn’t quite sure whoactually ran the world, if anyonedid, as all that was well above his pay-grade.
There sure were a lot of Conspiracy Theories about it, and, they were pretty powerful memes, he had to admit, but - that was not his concern right now.
Right now, he had to give the greatest presentation of his life, right here in this secret Briefing room of the CIA.
“Gentlemen, and of course, ladies,” J.B. smiled charmingly, and nodded to them all, and especially, to the women. Some of the women even nodded and smiled back. Maybe, he could schtupp some of them later, he thought.
All eyes were now on him. And you could almost hear a pin drop, if someone had actually dropped one, right then. (But, it also seems odd that anyone would have a pin handy - unless maybe they were sewing, which they clearly weren’t.)
The President smiled a guarded smile at J.B., and announced to all the important people present, “Everyone - as you all know - this is top-secret special-agent J.B…. And J.B., this is… everyone... And now, Agent J.B., if you would proceed with your Above-Top-Secret Briefing, for us?”
J.B. nodded and smiled at the President.
He moved over to the laptop computer by the digital projector, and he tapped the space-bar key to wake it up.
This was always a tense time... Would the computer even work properly? Had the tech-guys, even set all of this up properly? ...Had they even loaded up the right PowerPoint file, that he had sent them via email this morning-? This could all be very awkward and embarrassing…? There was lots that could go horribly wrong.
Phew, thought, as his actual PowerPoint presentation finally appeared on the large screen on the wall.
Its title screen boldly read: “Above-Top-Secret: The Simulation Conspiracy”.
“Ladies and gentlemen... In the course of my investigations, I, personally, have stumbled upon evidence, that suggests - we are all... living inside a computer simulation."
A few stunned gasps were heard, around the darkened room. J.B. continued:
“Namely - our entire universe, and everything in it, is a simulation, and is probably running on some kind of alien computer or whatever, and which was created by some currently-unknown advanced alien civilization, or something.”
He now clicked though more of his PowerPoint slides, and everyone’s attention was utterly riveted.
It was all going pretty well so far, all things considered, J.B. thought?
He went on, as he clicked through more of the slides he had prepared earlier:
“Apart from the fact that DNA itself is digital, and also, everything from quarks to atoms to molecules to DNA up to planets and galaxies everything else - can now be simulated in our own very powerful digital computers- even so that, the simulated lifeforms inside them, actually think they are conscious and living - new evidence from another angle has recently come to light, that: we are indeed, all living in a sim. And thus - we are conscious sims, inside, a simulated universe. Running on, some alien computer someplace, probably.”
The whole room just listened, and waited, in stunned silence.
You could have heard another pin drop, but, I rest my case about it seeming unlikely that there would be any pins in the room, anyway.
Who even uses pins? These days we have Velcro and zippers and whatnot, thanks to: Science and Technology.
I mean I guess, some people use safety-pins, sometimes.
But still, it seems unlikely any of the most powerful and secret people in the world would have safety-pins on them, in a top secret, big important meeting like this one. But anyway.
J.B. glanced around the dimly-lit room, now noticing that there were, actually, some pretty hot babes and MILFs in the room, and he actually seemed to be impressing them right now, with his presentation.
So, maybe he could schtupp some of them later on... This day was just getting better and better all the time.
He continued with his briefing:
“The new evidence is that - it also appears, that there are clues hidden in the bibles of almost every religion that has ever existed on Earth, that - we are living in a sim. Right now!"
He paused for effect again, and to take a quick chance to peek at the exposed cleavages in the low cut suits of of some of the MILFs gathered around the table. They all looked pretty awesome to him. Bosomy-cleavage pretty much never got old.
"And so - I now give you, Exhibit A, the Old Testament bible.”
Now, he clicked and a quote from the Old Testament appeared on the big screen.
“ `In the beginning, God created the sky and the earth’. ”
J.B. read it out aloud, just in case anyone in the room was illiterate, or something. (He would still be quite happy to schtupp them, regardless.)
Then he flicked through slides of a few other quotes, from some other bibles of other religions...
“As we do a close reading of almost all religious bibles in existence, and, there are thousands of them - and when we also check this data, via artificially-intelligent text-parsing algorithms, we are now able to see: there are countless hints, or clues, cleverly hidden within all these ancient and even modern bible texts, that…”
He paused again just for effect. Yes, definitely gonna schtupp at least one of these MILFs, he thought. He continued his speech:
“… the universe, and everything in it - even our very own planet Earth, and even us, as human beings, and all plants and animals - were created by computer programmers, otherwise known as The Great Game Design Team in the Sky, and here shortened to the acronym `Group Of Developers’ or `G.O.D.’ for short . The clues are obvious, once you know what you’re looking for.”
Another shocked murmur rippled around the room. J.B. soaked it up.
More currency, in the getting-laid-tonight game... Cha-ching! Cha-ching! he smiled to himself. He was gonna cash this currency out, tonight! Payday was on the way...
J.B. clicked the next slide, showing: some decoded DNA.
“Also, the Human Genome Project, now in 2018, has secretly discovered - a hidden coded message in the so-called `junk DNA’ of all living organisms, including even ourselves... It is, a `remark’ as computer coders would call it, left there in our DNA. by the coders of the simulation that we are all in. Like, a “maker’s mark”, if you will...”
J.B. again paused for effect. Maybe even that blond over there, he thought. She seemed pretty enraptured. Was she: swooning? Yes, she was.
“And so now, ladies and gentlemen, I will reveal to you, the screen of this presentation that shows: The hidden secret message, within the DNA of all organisms, plants and animals. Even, in yourselves. Written there, in every cell of your... body.”
He looked over at the bustiest blond's body, and she licked her lips at him.
It was on, baby, on! Yeahhhh babay!
J.B. turned back to the computer, clicked the mouse button again, and now the screen showing the secret hidden message appeared...
Everyone in the room gasped… Surely, it couldn’t be true-?!!!
[END OF - CHAPTER ONE]
And also ...
(PS – Wow, Note the super-cool cliffhanger / `page-turner’ there-!
Did you see that ?!
As if, you don’t want to read Chapter 2, right NOW - !!!)
(Note also how - this book begins with a supercool Conspiracy Theory, that might even be true!
Namely that we are living in a Sim..!!!!
See: The Simulation Argument.
Hooboy, man - this is: fucking great stuff!
(Aw Man, this JTV dude can really write!)
Also note how, it’s even an ironic, `meta’, parody of `sexist secret agents’ with initials JB, like James Bond or Jason Bourne or Jack Bauer...!
...and also note - we also haven’t yet been told, what J.B. even stands for!
…What a brilliant tease-?!!!
Note even also, the vague influence of the `Butler’ satirical novels!
And - Note: lots of other stuff, too!
Like how it emulates crap like `50 Shades',
but from a sexist male perspective!
...Wowsers! OMG - This stuff is GREAT!!!)
To Be Continued, in
Chapter 2 –
of the book,
currently known as:
J.B.: Above-Top-Secret Agent Person Guy
in
Adventure #1:
THE CASE OF THE THING with the THING, and WHATSANAME
By: JT Velikovsky
in
The B.A.L.L.S.A.C.K. Series –
Brilliant Adventures in Secret Agent Conspiracy (Known)
(Hey wow - Note also - how deliberately `zen-stupid’ the title of the book is!
I guess this guy, likes Bob Burden’s writing, too!)
Hey, and it turns out, he [JTV] even wrote another satirical novel, too:
AM SO AS !
But, whatever!
The point is -
…TO BE CONTINUED!!!
Holy shit, this guy’s a genius.
What great (meta) writing!!!
Especially even in the age of #MeToo and all that.
It's almost as if he's amusingly implying: First, Eliminate Sex!
But even that too may be a satire, as: who knows?
...Amazing!
And
Shut up and just take my money,
I want to read lots more of this crazy satirical parodical stuff!!!
============================================
-----------------------------
Dr. Joe T. Velikovsky, Ph.D. (Communication & Media Arts)
& High-Movie-RoI Consultant (see: The StoryAlity PhD)
-------------------
`The word communication will be used here in a very broad sense to include all of the procedures by which one mind may affect another. This, of course, involves not only written and oral speech, but also music, the pictorial arts, the theater, the ballet, and in fact all human behavior... The language of this memorandum will often appear to refer to the special, but still very broad and important, field of the communication of speech; but practically everything said applies equally well to music of any sort, and to still or moving pictures, as in television." - The Mathematical Theory of Communication, (Shannon & Weaver 1949, pp. 3-4).
Also:
“I know you think you understand what you thought I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant” - (attributed, and ironically, possibly mistakenly, to: Robert McCloskey, namely the children's book author and illustrator, date of quote unknown)
& this autosig is not even near complete yet, as
JT Velikovsky is also a:
Transmedia Writer-Director-Producer: Movies, Games, TV, Theatre, Books, Comics
Transmedia Writing Blog: http://on-writering.blogspot.com.au/
& (High-RoI) Story/Screenplay/Movie Analyst - and Evolutionary Systems Theorist
See: https://storyality.wordpress.com/
& Bio-Culture (Science & the Arts) & Transmedia Researcher
Academia link: https://aftrs.academia.edu/JTVelikovsky
See, also:
Joe Velikovsky on IMDb:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/joeteevee
Okay - the autosig is over now. You can stop reading.
A thrilling series of thrilling top-secret adventure novels
Chapter 1
of
J.B.: Above-Top-Secret Agent Person Guy
Adventure #1:
“The Case of the Thing with the Thing, and Whatsaname”
By: JT Velikovsky
© August 12th2017
Page 1, Chapter 1:
====================================
J.B., super-handsome and athletic heart-throb top-secret agent guy walked down the long corridor of CIA Headquarters in Langley Virginia in the good ole U.S. of A.
This meeting was going to be the most important meeting of his life, and he knew it. The stakes could not be higher. He could feel it in his boner.
He saw the secret CIA Briefing Room door getting closer and closer as he walked towards it.
…This was it.
The moment of truth…
Just then disaster struck. A stinking miasma reached his nose, for he had just farted the worst silent fart of his life–possibly even the worst fart in recorded human history–and suddenly, his whole world came crashing down around him.
This was bad.
His heart raced. What to do? It was a potentially-lethal fart, he realized.
Someone could get hurt, or even killed.
Should he hang around in the corridor for 60 seconds, and try and walk it off, before entering the Briefing Room? Surely, he couldn’t just walk a fart like this into this big important meeting with some of the most powerful and serious people in the world.
But, he also knew, if he did that, and paced around in the corridor for a minute, it would mean he would be one minute late for the most important meeting in his life, and possibly even in all of human history.
Panic set in. Using the age-old `combat-breathing technique’, he fought the panic off. He mentally counted to four as he breathed in, then held his breath for a slow count of four again, then breathed out as he counted to four a third time. This made it worse, as having now really ingested the terrible fart, he also felt nauseous and light-headed. He fought off the gag reflex and mentally slowed his heartbeat with the old `slowing the heartbeat down’ yoga trick.
Think; I’ve got to think-?! he thought…
He stood stock still before the door as now the backwash of the drifting fart gently enveloped and overtook him.
What if someone came out of the door, right now…? The entire jig would be up.
Game Over. Roll Credits. Pack up the chairs and go home. The End. Never To Be Continued. That is definitely All, folks.
It would be an unmitigated disaster… His whole reputation was on the line. If this played out like it looked like it was going to, unless he took action–and fast–then he, J.B., top-secret-agent, would forever be: that guy who did that worst fart, ever. And, walked it right into a big meeting.
Rumours would spread. No-one would ever again take him seriously.
His reputation, his entire career, was on the line.
But–should he now pace around in the hallway, and walk it off?
If anyone saw him, they might mistake his pacing intentions as nerves, or anger, or even frustration. Would that be even worse? Maybe. Hard to say.
He stood frozen, standing right before the door, steeling his nerves. …What to do?
Suddenly the door burst open and a pert, bosomy, female Aide–with great shapely legs–in her early 20s, dressed in a suit, rushed out of the door, a folder clutched under one arm. She brushed past J.B., and she raced off down the hall, her luscious boobs jiggling under her shirt, dragging the bulk of his fart away with her down the hall. It got caught up in her slipstream as she went, and she took most of it away with her.
J.B. was saved, due to random chance.
Phew, he thought. Yay, for: random chance!
He sniffed the air again, still unsure. Was it still there...? Lingering traces, perhaps?
Eureka!
The fart was now almost undetectable. His lack of a good plan had worked out brilliantly.
He watched her go, ten feet away... now, twenty feet...
As she moved off, he admired her shapely female figure, the waggle of her ass, the bounce of her booty.
Must be jello, cos jam don’t jiggle like that, he surmised, sexistly.
His boner twitched in his pants, programmed by millions of years of genetic evolution to respond to random visual female sexual-signals.
Suddenly, she was now thirty feet away, and she halted–and turned back to look him square in the eye.
Uh-oh... he thought.
His heart stopped. Surely, she had now smelt his fart - and had realized what had just happened.
...How would he ever bone her now, if the chance even came up? He had never even seen her before in his life, but he already knew, he had blown his chance of randomly getting his rocks off with her, whoever she was. Maybe, she was even: important.
“They’re ready for you J.B., so head right on in,” she smiled warmly at him.
He noticed the curves and the ballast of her ample breast, through her very low-cut blouse... her mouth-watering breasts served up there for his visual pleasure like a platter of juicy rockmelons. They had jiggled a little as she spoke and were still settling... It was pure poetry in motion.
She turned on her high heel which she knew made her calf muscles look more shapely and would attract more sexual attention from males, and she marched off, obviously in a hurry. But not too much of a hurry, as she knew his gaze was still on her and she wanted to show off her assets from behind.
He nodded, stunned. As she titted away down the corridor, he wondered just how she knew his name, "J.B."...? - That information was supposed to be above-top-secret...?
Maybe, he thought, his above-top-secret reputation preceded him...?
Maybe she had heard of him, maybe he was even famous in CIA circles, and maybe, if the chips fell right, he could actually give her a good schtupping sometime in her near future, after all.
After all, hadn’t her words just now, had a hidden second meaning, a salacious subtext? “They’re ready for you J.B., so, head right on in…” were her exact words.
Surely, she was communicating via code: her sexual readiness for him...?
It could hardly be more obvious, he thought, like the gutter-minded chauvinist sexist pig he was, since he was a male.
Surely, she was actually, really saying: “Bone me but good, big boy - Go for gold!”
He smiled and he nodded knowingly. Stuff was going good today. He was probably going to get laid tonight, and as usual, being a male, he didn't really give a shit, by which random female.
He took another deep breath, steeled his nerves, adjusted his boner, and he knocked on the big important secret CIA door.
“Come in” said a deep authoritative voice from behind the CIA door.
Two burly armed secret service agents stepped out, and they ushered him inside the secret room.
From scanning both their expressionless secret agent faces, they didn’t seem to smell the traces of his fart..?
He seemed to have actually, gotten away with it?
...The perfect crime?
As top secret agent J. B. stepped inside the dimly-lit CIA top-secret Briefing room, he saw about twenty important men in suits (and also a few sexy women - but then again, all women were sexy to J.B.; he’d pretty much fuck anything female that moved, as noted previously) were all seated around a large round table.
There was the President, the joint chiefs of staff, the head of the CIA, head of the FBI, head of Homeland Security... and some other folks he didn’t recognize but he knew they must be super-important, powerful and authoritative people; because they were wearing suits.
Maybe, they were even, members of the Secret Society who really ran the world… he thought. Or, who knows what?, he thought. Like - The Majestic-12, or The Bilderbergers, or The Illuminati, or the Masons, or someone like that…
J.B. wasn’t quite sure whoactually ran the world, if anyonedid, as all that was well above his pay-grade.
There sure were a lot of Conspiracy Theories about it, and, they were pretty powerful memes, he had to admit, but - that was not his concern right now.
Right now, he had to give the greatest presentation of his life, right here in this secret Briefing room of the CIA.
“Gentlemen, and of course, ladies,” J.B. smiled charmingly, and nodded to them all, and especially, to the women. Some of the women even nodded and smiled back. Maybe, he could schtupp some of them later, he thought.
All eyes were now on him. And you could almost hear a pin drop, if someone had actually dropped one, right then. (But, it also seems odd that anyone would have a pin handy - unless maybe they were sewing, which they clearly weren’t.)
The President smiled a guarded smile at J.B., and announced to all the important people present, “Everyone - as you all know - this is top-secret special-agent J.B…. And J.B., this is… everyone... And now, Agent J.B., if you would proceed with your Above-Top-Secret Briefing, for us?”
J.B. nodded and smiled at the President.
He moved over to the laptop computer by the digital projector, and he tapped the space-bar key to wake it up.
This was always a tense time... Would the computer even work properly? Had the tech-guys, even set all of this up properly? ...Had they even loaded up the right PowerPoint file, that he had sent them via email this morning-? This could all be very awkward and embarrassing…? There was lots that could go horribly wrong.
Phew, thought, as his actual PowerPoint presentation finally appeared on the large screen on the wall.
Its title screen boldly read: “Above-Top-Secret: The Simulation Conspiracy”.
“Ladies and gentlemen... In the course of my investigations, I, personally, have stumbled upon evidence, that suggests - we are all... living inside a computer simulation."
A few stunned gasps were heard, around the darkened room. J.B. continued:
“Namely - our entire universe, and everything in it, is a simulation, and is probably running on some kind of alien computer or whatever, and which was created by some currently-unknown advanced alien civilization, or something.”
He now clicked though more of his PowerPoint slides, and everyone’s attention was utterly riveted.
It was all going pretty well so far, all things considered, J.B. thought?
He went on, as he clicked through more of the slides he had prepared earlier:
“Apart from the fact that DNA itself is digital, and also, everything from quarks to atoms to molecules to DNA up to planets and galaxies everything else - can now be simulated in our own very powerful digital computers- even so that, the simulated lifeforms inside them, actually think they are conscious and living - new evidence from another angle has recently come to light, that: we are indeed, all living in a sim. And thus - we are conscious sims, inside, a simulated universe. Running on, some alien computer someplace, probably.”
The whole room just listened, and waited, in stunned silence.
You could have heard another pin drop, but, I rest my case about it seeming unlikely that there would be any pins in the room, anyway.
Who even uses pins? These days we have Velcro and zippers and whatnot, thanks to: Science and Technology.
I mean I guess, some people use safety-pins, sometimes.
But still, it seems unlikely any of the most powerful and secret people in the world would have safety-pins on them, in a top secret, big important meeting like this one. But anyway.
J.B. glanced around the dimly-lit room, now noticing that there were, actually, some pretty hot babes and MILFs in the room, and he actually seemed to be impressing them right now, with his presentation.
So, maybe he could schtupp some of them later on... This day was just getting better and better all the time.
He continued with his briefing:
“The new evidence is that - it also appears, that there are clues hidden in the bibles of almost every religion that has ever existed on Earth, that - we are living in a sim. Right now!"
He paused for effect again, and to take a quick chance to peek at the exposed cleavages in the low cut suits of of some of the MILFs gathered around the table. They all looked pretty awesome to him. Bosomy-cleavage pretty much never got old.
"And so - I now give you, Exhibit A, the Old Testament bible.”
Now, he clicked and a quote from the Old Testament appeared on the big screen.
“ `In the beginning, God created the sky and the earth’. ”
J.B. read it out aloud, just in case anyone in the room was illiterate, or something. (He would still be quite happy to schtupp them, regardless.)
Then he flicked through slides of a few other quotes, from some other bibles of other religions...
“As we do a close reading of almost all religious bibles in existence, and, there are thousands of them - and when we also check this data, via artificially-intelligent text-parsing algorithms, we are now able to see: there are countless hints, or clues, cleverly hidden within all these ancient and even modern bible texts, that…”
He paused again just for effect. Yes, definitely gonna schtupp at least one of these MILFs, he thought. He continued his speech:
“… the universe, and everything in it - even our very own planet Earth, and even us, as human beings, and all plants and animals - were created by computer programmers, otherwise known as The Great Game Design Team in the Sky, and here shortened to the acronym `Group Of Developers’ or `G.O.D.’ for short . The clues are obvious, once you know what you’re looking for.”
Another shocked murmur rippled around the room. J.B. soaked it up.
More currency, in the getting-laid-tonight game... Cha-ching! Cha-ching! he smiled to himself. He was gonna cash this currency out, tonight! Payday was on the way...
J.B. clicked the next slide, showing: some decoded DNA.
“Also, the Human Genome Project, now in 2018, has secretly discovered - a hidden coded message in the so-called `junk DNA’ of all living organisms, including even ourselves... It is, a `remark’ as computer coders would call it, left there in our DNA. by the coders of the simulation that we are all in. Like, a “maker’s mark”, if you will...”
J.B. again paused for effect. Maybe even that blond over there, he thought. She seemed pretty enraptured. Was she: swooning? Yes, she was.
“And so now, ladies and gentlemen, I will reveal to you, the screen of this presentation that shows: The hidden secret message, within the DNA of all organisms, plants and animals. Even, in yourselves. Written there, in every cell of your... body.”
He looked over at the bustiest blond's body, and she licked her lips at him.
It was on, baby, on! Yeahhhh babay!
J.B. turned back to the computer, clicked the mouse button again, and now the screen showing the secret hidden message appeared...
Everyone in the room gasped… Surely, it couldn’t be true-?!!!
[END OF - CHAPTER ONE]
And also ...
(PS – Wow, Note the super-cool cliffhanger / `page-turner’ there-!
Did you see that ?!
As if, you don’t want to read Chapter 2, right NOW - !!!)
(Note also how - this book begins with a supercool Conspiracy Theory, that might even be true!
Namely that we are living in a Sim..!!!!
See: The Simulation Argument.
Hooboy, man - this is: fucking great stuff!
(Aw Man, this JTV dude can really write!)
Also note how, it’s even an ironic, `meta’, parody of `sexist secret agents’ with initials JB, like James Bond or Jason Bourne or Jack Bauer...!
...and also note - we also haven’t yet been told, what J.B. even stands for!
…What a brilliant tease-?!!!
Note even also, the vague influence of the `Butler’ satirical novels!
And - Note: lots of other stuff, too!
Like how it emulates crap like `50 Shades',
but from a sexist male perspective!
...Wowsers! OMG - This stuff is GREAT!!!)
To Be Continued, in
Chapter 2 –
of the book,
currently known as:
J.B.: Above-Top-Secret Agent Person Guy
in
Adventure #1:
THE CASE OF THE THING with the THING, and WHATSANAME
By: JT Velikovsky
in
The B.A.L.L.S.A.C.K. Series –
Brilliant Adventures in Secret Agent Conspiracy (Known)
(Hey wow - Note also - how deliberately `zen-stupid’ the title of the book is!
I guess this guy, likes Bob Burden’s writing, too!)
Hey, and it turns out, he [JTV] even wrote another satirical novel, too:
AM SO AS !
But, whatever!
The point is -
…TO BE CONTINUED!!!
Holy shit, this guy’s a genius.
What great (meta) writing!!!
Especially even in the age of #MeToo and all that.
It's almost as if he's amusingly implying: First, Eliminate Sex!
But even that too may be a satire, as: who knows?
...Amazing!
And
Shut up and just take my money,
I want to read lots more of this crazy satirical parodical stuff!!!
============================================
-----------------------------
Dr. Joe T. Velikovsky, Ph.D. (Communication & Media Arts)
& High-Movie-RoI Consultant (see: The StoryAlity PhD)
-------------------
`The word communication will be used here in a very broad sense to include all of the procedures by which one mind may affect another. This, of course, involves not only written and oral speech, but also music, the pictorial arts, the theater, the ballet, and in fact all human behavior... The language of this memorandum will often appear to refer to the special, but still very broad and important, field of the communication of speech; but practically everything said applies equally well to music of any sort, and to still or moving pictures, as in television." - The Mathematical Theory of Communication, (Shannon & Weaver 1949, pp. 3-4).
Also:
“I know you think you understand what you thought I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant” - (attributed, and ironically, possibly mistakenly, to: Robert McCloskey, namely the children's book author and illustrator, date of quote unknown)
& this autosig is not even near complete yet, as
JT Velikovsky is also a:
Transmedia Writer-Director-Producer: Movies, Games, TV, Theatre, Books, Comics
Transmedia Writing Blog: http://on-writering.blogspot.com.au/
& (High-RoI) Story/Screenplay/Movie Analyst - and Evolutionary Systems Theorist
See: https://storyality.wordpress.com/
& Bio-Culture (Science & the Arts) & Transmedia Researcher
Academia link: https://aftrs.academia.edu/JTVelikovsky
See, also:
Joe Velikovsky on IMDb:
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/joeteevee
Okay - the autosig is over now. You can stop reading.
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