I don’t really have time to blog right now

I don’t really have time to go into it right now, but it’s been on my mind for weeks. I’ve been reading, consulting, talking, researching, making appts, and it’s all starting to come together.

The stress, the anxiety from Feb-now has been pretty difficult, and now I’m finally seeing myself in all the spectrum signposts and it’s just a lot to take in and I want to have someone to lean on, someone to say, hey, Leslea, you’re still you and your kids are still super loved and you’re still doing a great job, and a new label isn’t anything more than a CLUE towards how to fit this ever-shifting puzzle together.

I don’t have time to go into everything that’s going on today. Who is coming, and why. What we’re packing, and why. Where we’ve been the past few months and what I desperately hope our future trajectory will be. I have to drive a kid somewhere. I have to pick a kid up. I’ve had to lean on people, and that’s really quite a frightening thing to do when you’ve no existing support system. Asking a stranger, a teacher, the friend of a high school senior for help…not fun.

We’re fine, btw. All the kids are having a great day, everyone is smiling. Tim is recovering from a sunburn. We had a really fun Father’s Day at Eddie & Kira’s. <3 those folks.

I have friend dates planned. I have massage booked. I have vitamins in stock. I’m reading something like 10-15 books a week (not an exaggeration). The kids are doing their share. Everyone is having a great summer. I am fine. I am fine.

But.

This diagnosis track. It’s a lot. 

Every time I talk about it, I feel like I’ve said too much. I want someone to just reach out and say, “Hey, you know, I’ve been there…it will get easier.”

I haven’t found that person. Yet. I have a feeling I will become that person for myself, as per usual.

To keep myself inspired, I’m studying herbalism and doing as much wildcrafting as I can. Elderberries in the backyard.

OH, and trying to make perrennial sun and shade gardens “stick” so that our house turns into a magical cottage in the woods each summer. Keep everyone busy, keep up the house, keep working on naturally healthy lifestyle stuff. Oh, and dabbling in stock market research, just in case I find a little money to start investing.

I dream about having a moment to breathe, to process, to really blog something, to edit my WiP from, what, 3 years ago? 4? I’ve lost count. I fantasize about having the kind of time where I could work outside the home one day a week, write the rest, and still do my shopping/cooking/laundry sort of jobs.

I dream of sitting in the shade, listening to birds sing, petting the cats. Walking the dogs. Riding my bike.

Honestly, just all the stuff people seem to assume I’m doing, already, I’d like to actually be doing, instead of scrambling to try and understand how to best deal with ASD.

There, I said it, ASD. It’s not official, but I can read.