Frat Bros in Space – Hilarious New Short Story Written in One Day

Last night as I went to sleep, I thought of a hilarious premise for a short story and something that I could definitely include in the short story collection I’m thinking about putting together, Kangblanga!

When I woke today, I finished an article I was working on for Run Washington Magazine, then immediately after that, I got to work on my new short story. I worked on it straight from beginning to end until I finished the whole thing. Then I even went back and edited it all through.

I’ve been laughing about it throughout the day today.

Without further ado, the premise is this: An extraterrestrial grants four fraternity brothers access to unlock all the knowledge in the universe. But the only catch is, the gate to infinite knowledge can only be opened by a virgin. And since they are all frat bros, none of them are willing to admit that they are virgins, so they just stand at the gate and argue. Meanwhile, all four of them are virgins the whole time.

I’m laughing even just typing that plot summary. Something about frat bros in space is just so hilarious. Oh, I am really proud of this one!

Here is the blurb I’ve written:

It’s 1999 at College State and Gordan is ready to score with his crush during a party at the Sigma Delta Purple frat house. But the event is suddenly interrupted when an extra-terrestrial arrives, granting four boys the opportunity to unlock all knowledge in the universe. The catch: the knowledge can only be claimed by a virgin… and no frat brother is willing to admit that they are.

The story comes out to just over 5,000 words, so it’s not long at all. It’s a very short story, more like a bit or a sketch than anything else. For that reason, it will make a good addition to a short story collection.

Here is a preview of Sigma Delta Purple:

 

“Will the Real Slim Shady please stand up?” the crowd chanted as Eminem’s new track blasted through the $30 speakers taped to the ceiling of the dimly lit fraternity house on Fraternizer’s Row.

The house smelled of cheap beer. The scent was literally embedded into the wood of the walls, the floor, the ceiling. Even breathalyzing the air itself would have given a positive read.

Gordan jumped up and down to the song, then fisted the air to the tight beats, careful not to spill any of the beer out of the open can in his hand.

“Yo, G-Man!” Paul “Paulie-Boy” Fatone shouted, waving his free hand.

“Yo,” he replied. He stopped dancing and pushed his way through the crowd until he met up with Paulie-Boy.

Paulie-Boy was a classic Italian stereotype. He had thick black hair, a short stocky build and tanned skin. What he lacked in stature he made up for in smooth coolness. Paulie-Boy had a way with the girls, everyone knew it. He bragged about sleeping with so many girls, sometimes multiple at the same time. There were even rumors going around that Paulie-Boy was only two girls away from sleeping with the entire Alpha Epsilon January sorority house.

“Hey man, this party is the bomb!” Paulie-Boy said, smiling.

“Thanks.”

Gordan had done most of the work to set up the party. He had procured the drinks, the food, set up the music, everything. This was his creation, his baby.

Paulie-Boy leaned in close, keeping his voice down, or as down as he could with the music and revelry blaring around them.

“Hey, I just saw Christine walk in. She’s lookin’ fresh!”

Christine, Gordan thought. He tried his best not to show it, but he suddenly felt nervous, not because he didn’t expect her to come, but because he had been hoping for it all night long and wasn’t quite sure what to do when and if she actually showed.

This whole party had really been his way of trying to set up a situation between them. Gordan had is eye on Christine for weeks now. The freshman brunette liberal arts major had come to College State on a soccer scholarship. They were in the same Intro to Introductions 101 class together, a gen-ed requirement for all students, but he hadn’t yet found the courage to talk to her yet.

This was his chance.

“Come on, go say hi!” Paulie-Boy said, shoving him toward the direction of the kitchen.

“As if! I don’t even know where she is.” Gordan searched the area, but with so many people, it was impossible to find anyone in the crowd.

“She just walked in so she’s probably going to get a drink. Look in the kitchen.”

“Did she come with anyone?”

“Yeah, a couple of Delta Delta Delta girls.”

“Just girls? No guys?”

“No guys,” Paulie-Boy replied, shaking his head with a smile. He motioned toward the kitchen again. “Go,” he said. “Have fun!”

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