A Walk in the Woods

Parco Naturale del Conero in the Le Marche region of Italy is--like the region itself--a treasure hidden from the eyes of most casual travelers to Italy. It consists of breathtaking coastal views; geological and wildlife wonders; typically Italian hill towns; vineyards, olive groves, fields of lavender and an abundance of the strawberries from which it gets its name. Humans have occupied the area for more than 100,000 years, and from antiquity to the present day have created a network of beguiling trails. To celebrate our recent 50th wedding anniversary, Lorna and I embarked on a hike of those trails, and we found at the end that it provided a remarkable metaphor for our marriage. Since we are often asked how you manage to sustain a marriage for 50 years, I thought it might provide helpful advice if I broke down the metaphor in this blog. So, as the Italians say, allora:It began with our own eagerness and the enthusiasm of the young guide at the tourist information center, who outlined the many possible paths for us to take and the highlights of each. He told us that to do it all would take about 4 hours. Gauging our age, hunger level, and hiking gear, we opted for a route of about an hour. So first lesson of the metaphor: have  realistic expectations  of the journey ahead. Then we drove our car up the winding road to the parking lot at the trailhead, which as with most driving experiences in Italy came with a degree of peril. We parked and immediately saw the sign for Belvedere, the first destination the tour guide had suggested to us, and headed off in that direction. We got about a hundred yards when we remembered we’d forgotten the iPhone for picture-taking back at the car, so we turned around and headed back for the lot. As we got there, we noticed another sign for Belvedere going in the another direction. Upon closer examination we saw that it was Belvedere Nord (north), which according to the map was what we wanted, not Belvedere Sud (south), which is where we were headed had we not come back for the iPhone. So the second lesson of the metaphor: it helps to have dumb luck.The first leg of our climb was uphill, which taxed our energy and hunger level early. But we reminded one another that the trip back would be downhill and thus easier and faster. So the next lesson of the metaphor: always remember to keep  the long view .By the time we reached the first crossroads…one way for Belvedere Nord and the other for what the guide had told us would be a shortcut back, we had to stop and have a long discussion about what to do next. Just to reach that point had used up more of our allotted one hour hiking time than expected, and we hadn’t even had a glimpse of a view yet. Lorna was reluctant to push on, especially since the trail ahead to Belvedere looked dark and deep; I thought we should give ourselves a little more time to find the views we’d come looking for. So we agreed to push on to Belvedere for another 15 minutes. Lesson?  Compromise . Duh.The view in the picture at the top of the blog is what we found when we reached Belvedere Nord. So not only is there a reward in compromise, but there are rewards in  going the extra mile ,  pushing beyond one’s comfort zone  and  keeping eyes on the prize …clichés each and every one, but each worthy of being embroidered into a sampler for any newlyweds’ kitchen.  Empowered by having led us there, I then argued that we should head further up the trail to Pian Grande, which according to the guide, offered similar views. Lorna looked around the corner to where the trail would take us and thought it not worth the effort. I prevailed, but she was right. The trek higher up the trail did not yield a better view than the one we had already seen and only served to lead us further away from our route home. Metaphor Lesson #6— don’t get greedy  (and this one applies to married or single life).Our target for the hike back was Grotte Romane. Although we had now stretched the timeline beyond our desired hour, Grotte Romane was supposed to be on the route home, so it seemed a simple matter of stopping to look along the way. However, when we came to the signpost for it, we found actual access required a somewhat treacherous hike down a steep, poorly maintained trail. Following the principle of “we’ve come this far”, we headed down the path, grabbing on to tree branches and each other’s hands to stabilize ourselves. When we reached a small clearing, we saw that there was another stage to descend to reach the grotto. At that point, we decided to do what good ballplayers do…and what we’ve adopted as one of the mottoes of our marriage: stay within ourselves . We opted to forgo the grotto and head back. If that seems to contradict Lesson #5 about going the extra mile, but reinforce Lesson #6 about not getting greedy, well, yeah. It’s complicated. If being married for 50 years was straight forward, everyone could do it.We were now well into a second hour of hiking and decided to make a beeline for the parking lot. The trail that would get us there we were told would be Raggetti, so as soon as we saw the sign for it we took it without thinking that it cut two ways. The way we took led us to an open, rolling field that offered inland views of Le Marche as spectacular as the Adriatic Sea views of Belvedere. Although we had been enticed by the tour guide’s description of it originally, we had dismissed it for adding more time than we could afford to our hike. Yet there you have it, as soon as you think you’ve given it all you have, you find you have a little bit more to give and a prize you think that may have been out of reach is suddenly, unexpectedly in hand. So the last Lesson:  expect the unexpected…and accept the unexpected . 
More than two hours later we had pretty much replicated the blueprint for being married for 50 years…oh, yeah, plus the patience, mutual respect and humor that marked our every step along way.