Experience Informs Our Writing But It Doesn't Define Us...

I often wonder about my writing. Where it came from. Why. I particularly wonder about why I feel compelled to write erotica and erotic romance with BDSM. Why it has dark themes. Sometimes dub-con. Why alpha males? Why damaged males? Why happy endings? What is it that turns me on about such themes? Have you thought about this if you write? How about what you read? Have you ever been judged because of it? And if so, do you hide it? Behind kindles? Or behind pseudonyms? Do you ask yourself why you’re drawn to what you’re drawn to when it comes to the erotic? Or romance? Is there a formative experience you can pinpoint it to? More importantly, have you been able to answer it?

I think I can understand it for myself…somewhat. My formative years. The boyfriends I had and the age. The poet with tough family life whose middle name was angst, who was sent away, later joined the military, and went AWOL. Perhaps, because I wanted to help him, “save” him from his past disappointments and couldn’t. Perhaps I like to see those happy endings in my romance books that may reflect what I wish I could have done. Keep the juicy angst but be able to fix it all in the end. I don’t know. I’m still thinking about that. I’ve come to the conclusion that I don’t much care about the whys anymore. It just “is.”

A few have criticized my choices in my “fiction" as a result. Recently, a “friend” who claims not be judgmental in any form (let me clear my throat), stormed “off the set” because of some of the contents on my books, unfriending, saying nasty things about MY  'character' because of the “characters” in my “fictional” books. Did I say “fiction”? Good thing she’s not judgmental, huh? And I see it happen to a lot of authors. It's not just me. 

There’s so many varying forms and levels of sexuality from heterosexual to bisexual to pansexual to homosexual and everything in between. I’m heterosexual. And yes, this may sound silly, but sometimes, I almost feel like THAT is a bad thing to be writing about these days. I certainly felt that way with my previous publisher. I couldn’t care less which way you wave your flag. Love. Lust. Fuck. Kiss. Sleep with whomever you want. But how come traditional roles of love and relationships, conflict and resolution, falling in love and marriage is somehow bad, uninteresting, not important anymore? Says who? It’s what I, personally, enjoy reading in this genre. And it’s what I enjoy writing. I won’t apologize for it. Just as someone who wants to write about transgender relationships or gay sex or bisexual untraditional tropes. Go for it. 

What's more, and maybe this is the rub, this genre, this trope, this story, is STILL quite popular among many romance readers, readers in general, that even in our changing world of more and more acceptance of non-traditional roles, the majority still like the trope of boy meets girl, they fall in love, and live happily ever after but not until there is a helluva lot of angst and conflict first. So what? Live and let live. I wish the judging would stop. On both sides of this coin. What difference does it make if it’s well-written and makes a reader feel? Find your audience. And keep producing what both you and they are looking for. It’s really that simple.
Add a few more ingredients to this madness, and it might make a little more sense where her anger comes from. Take someone who is insecure, sexually confused (which can do a number on anyone’s self-esteem), a not-so-pleasant introduction to sex (not cool by anyone’s standards), and then consider the effects of dealing with all that mentally. Therein comes the trigger "effect." And then, the lashing out occurs. And bam. Some of us land right in the firing line, because partially, it gets her goat that people are not only reading it but really liking that which she detests. In this light, it becomes a little more understandable, but in a rational mind, we can see how flawed that is. 

I write more than alpha male erotic romance. If you don’t know that by now, I question why you’re even reading this. There are pieces of me in my characters. Some more than others. But I am not my characters and my characters are not me. I think the best thing we can do is write if we’re writers; read if we’re readers; and make no apologies for what we want to read and write. If people continue to read my work, I’ll keep writing them. When they stop, I’ll probably stop publishing too. But I’ll never stop writing. And I will not apologize to anyone who can’t differentiate between fiction and the author of said fiction. Experience Informs Our Writing But It Doesn't Define Us.