Swimming Week 1: Surrender
I've committed to working towards some personal goals within the next 7 months, as I enthusiastically approach 30. I am approaching these goals not in a "girl, you better get your life before 30!" condescending kind of way...but more like a gentle "gosh, you have become so much in your twenties...this is the perfect opportunity to do the things you've put off."
With that said, I've decided to learn how to swim, at 29. I wished my parents had put me in swimming-classes when I was a toddler--things would be easier now. But they didn't, so the onus is on me and I take responsibility for that.
Last night was my very first lesson. And I was a little anxious about it before getting there, if I'm honest. I don't have a fear of the water, per se. Actually, I love the water. Its more so that I have a fear of being out of control. I have a fear of having my feet not be on solid ground. The idea of floating in water is just scary to me, just like the idea of taking off in a plane is because I am not in control! Pre-lesson #1: I never really am in control. So I need to stop fronting like I am.
Learning how to swim is not just something to check off my bucket list, but I think it's a conquering of something deeper. It's me conquering the feelings of fear, inadequacy, doubt and even shame... It's me understanding that it's okay for me to feel "out of control" in the elements...
So every week, after my lesson, I will be sharing what I learned and what challenged me.
I did well for my first lesson. I really felt that. And my instructor also reinforced that for me. But what I struggled with? Back floating. Yea, I know! Who does back-floating on their first lesson, yo! I wasn't ready for that. Interestingly enough, I was decent with floating with my face in the water (with something to hold on to in near sight)...but floating on my back was just a challenge. I wasn't able to do it (yet).
I could react in two ways....the way I usually do and internally beat myself up and say something like this: I knew you wouldn't be able to do it...OR... I could be gentle and forgiving of myself...so I whispered to myself: you are doing great, Soph...you will get it...The fact that you're here is brave enough.
My inability to get the back-float just encouraged me to want to practice and practice and practice. It lit a fire in me. I want to get this!
One thing my instructor kept saying to me was: you know what to do intellectually but you're tensing up. Whoa! What a word! Every time I had to let my body surrender to the water, I tensed up to "protect myself" because as my instructor shared with me, "I just don't trust the water yet."
Nothing happens until I surrender. But surrender is so hard when you don't fully trust...So I am working on trusting the water and trusting myself...and I'm excited to see how that will manifest into me trusting in other areas of my life.
So...I am not there yet. But I am making moves to get there. I cannot wait for the day where I am back-floating in the sea, humming "I Surrender All..." #Surrender
With that said, I've decided to learn how to swim, at 29. I wished my parents had put me in swimming-classes when I was a toddler--things would be easier now. But they didn't, so the onus is on me and I take responsibility for that.
Last night was my very first lesson. And I was a little anxious about it before getting there, if I'm honest. I don't have a fear of the water, per se. Actually, I love the water. Its more so that I have a fear of being out of control. I have a fear of having my feet not be on solid ground. The idea of floating in water is just scary to me, just like the idea of taking off in a plane is because I am not in control! Pre-lesson #1: I never really am in control. So I need to stop fronting like I am.
Learning how to swim is not just something to check off my bucket list, but I think it's a conquering of something deeper. It's me conquering the feelings of fear, inadequacy, doubt and even shame... It's me understanding that it's okay for me to feel "out of control" in the elements...
So every week, after my lesson, I will be sharing what I learned and what challenged me.
I did well for my first lesson. I really felt that. And my instructor also reinforced that for me. But what I struggled with? Back floating. Yea, I know! Who does back-floating on their first lesson, yo! I wasn't ready for that. Interestingly enough, I was decent with floating with my face in the water (with something to hold on to in near sight)...but floating on my back was just a challenge. I wasn't able to do it (yet).
I could react in two ways....the way I usually do and internally beat myself up and say something like this: I knew you wouldn't be able to do it...OR... I could be gentle and forgiving of myself...so I whispered to myself: you are doing great, Soph...you will get it...The fact that you're here is brave enough.
My inability to get the back-float just encouraged me to want to practice and practice and practice. It lit a fire in me. I want to get this!
One thing my instructor kept saying to me was: you know what to do intellectually but you're tensing up. Whoa! What a word! Every time I had to let my body surrender to the water, I tensed up to "protect myself" because as my instructor shared with me, "I just don't trust the water yet."
Nothing happens until I surrender. But surrender is so hard when you don't fully trust...So I am working on trusting the water and trusting myself...and I'm excited to see how that will manifest into me trusting in other areas of my life.
So...I am not there yet. But I am making moves to get there. I cannot wait for the day where I am back-floating in the sea, humming "I Surrender All..." #Surrender
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