Movies taught me that if you’re funny and smart but not t...

Movies taught me that if you’re funny and smart but not traditionally pretty, you will always be the sidekick. You may get the laughs, but you won’t get the hero. If you’re lucky, you may get to ride off in the sunset with a creepy or perverted supporting character, but you will never have a starring role, not even in the story of your own life.

Equipped with that knowledge, I played the second fiddle for years. I dropped into the background at bars and at parties. I became a shadow. I thought I was being kind to the boys who approached my beautiful friends and me. (Relax. See? I’m not interested. No need to pretend with me.) My friends seemed grateful too. They didn’t have to worry about volleying potentially embarrassing conversations between their quirky, unpredictable friend and a potential hookup. The freaky fifth wheel had fallen off on its own.

It’s taken god-knows-how-long to carve out my existence and value myself for what I am and not what I wish I had been. To learn that: a. I am my own hero. b. beauty is only skin deep c. real friends will give you a chance to shine too, and d. who da frick needs a man anyway?

I look at movies now and think, that guy’s an idiot for wanting Ms. Vanilla when her best friend is a rainbow cake of funny topped with awesome cream. #HisLoss

(And btw, I did get my happy ending after all.)