Pizza: The Pie that Keeps on Giving
The figures are in. Last year, 2300 Americans went to emergency rooms all across the land to be treated for pizza-related injuries—2300. Let that sink in for a while. Pizza-related injuries… Not gunshot wounds, not boating accidents, not skydiving incidents… Pizza!
[image error]
I must say I’ve had a number of moments over my sixty-eight years in which I’ve prematurely bitten into a hot piece of that delectable goo we call pizza pie. The roof of my mouth was scalded, and some skin would peel off, but I never made a trip to the ER. Regardless of my pain, I persevered each time. I ate my pie despite my discomfort, and I have the belly to prove it. I usually allowed it to cool after my initial burn, but not always. If you’re bound and determined to kill yourself with pizza, there’s no sense in merely going halfway.
Pizza Night
The
American habit we call pizza night is obviously fraught with danger. According
to scientific studies, the top three pizza related injuries were 1) lacerations
from pizza cutters, 2) burns from pizza pans and ovens, and 3) falling while
carrying a pizza. It appears that people preparing and cooking their own
version of the scrumptious comfort food indirectly cause many of these injuries.
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Don’t try this in your own home?” A retail
pizza parlor will bake, cut, and deliver the radial fare right to front your
door. Apparently, most of these injuries could be avoided if we weren’t so
cheap. A generous tip to your friendly, neighborhood delivery guy is much less
expensive than a trip to your less friendly emergency room (which in most cases
is beyond your neighborhood).
Still, there are also hidden dangers in procuring retail pizza. Hungry patrons who tripped in pizza parlors incurred some of the reported mishaps. In our haste to transport these cheesy morsels into our gaping mouths, we seem to lose all caution.
Then
there are accidents that happen regardless of where or how the pizza was
obtained. For instance, one guy fell out of bed while attempting to reach for a
slice that was perched on his nightstand. Eating pizza in bed late at night is
faux pas enough. Failing to get out of bed to reach for it is beyond the pale.
Some injuries are well deserved.
WWJD
At this
point, some of you may be asking the age-old question, “What would Jesus do?”
Well, for starters, I’m pretty sure Jesus never even saw a pizza pie. That
being said, we would have to scour the Scriptures with a fine-toothed comb to
arrive at a reasonable answer to that one. The word, “pie,” is not to be found in
either Testament. Still, some Biblical wisdom might be deduced for our
consumption (see what I did there?).
Try this one on for size. “Go, eat your [pizza] with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do.” (Ecclesiastes 9:7)
[Dave Zuchelli is a graduate of
Pittsburgh Theological Seminary and currently resides in Aldie, VA.]
The post Pizza: The Pie that Keeps on Giving appeared first on Dave Zuchelli.
