An Open Letter to Barry Manilow

Dear Mr. Manilow:

I am a huge fan. HUGE. I've seen you in concert six times. The cover of your Greatest Hits (1978) is on the wall of my office. I've coined the term Barry-oke and have performed it often. When it came time to choose an musical artist to provide the soundtrack for the on-again, off-again lovers  in my bestselling novels, SLOPPY FIRSTS, SECOND HELPINGS, CHARMED THIRDS, FOURTH COMINGS and PERFECT FIFTHS there was no question. It had to be you.

So. I read in today's Variety that...