Movies I Watched in July, Part 3

So-so “woman’s picture” (as they used to call them) with Barbara Stanwyck playing a rich socialite and James Mason playing the younger weasel who married her for her money -- but is more than happy to fall (back) into the arms of Ava Gardner, who almost wrecked their marriage a few years earlier. Into that soapy mix steps none other than Van Heflin, playing a spy (!) who spurns his young girlfriend, Cyd Charisse (!!) and falls in love with Stanwyck (!!!). Eventually, Gardner ends up murdered, and the suspicion falls squarely on Stanwyck and then … well, to be honest, I can’t remember what happened or how it ended, despite only seeing it about a month ago. It’s not a bad movie, not exactly, but there’s nothing plotwise to set it apart. I can only recommend it for the cast, which is pretty amazing. Besides the actors I’ve already mentioned (Stanwyck, Gardner and Mason are damned good), “East Side, West Side” also includes Nancy Davis (aka Nancy Reagan) as Stanwyck’s pal, William Frawley as a bartender and the great William Conrad as a cop.

Somehow, when I watched this movie, I missed realizing it was from Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, the jokers behind the “Crank” films. That explains a lot – mostly how a movie with a premise that is pretty wonky from the outset (convicted criminals act as avatars in real-life video games) could go off in so many (even more bizarre) directions. Gerald Butler plays Kable, the wrongly convicted (of course) prisoner fighting to survive 30 gaming sessions to win his freedom. Butler is fine in the likeable lunkhead role, but the movie is stolen by Michael C. Hall, the Steve Jobs-like genius behind the deadly game (which is called “Slayers”). Hall hams it up wonderfully, embracing his villainy in every scene, going to far to sing and dance along to Cole Porter in what amounts to a full-scale musical number. And believe me, that’s only scratching the surface of the strangeness of “Gamer.” There’s also another game, a Second Life-like virtual playground called "Society" where average schmoes (including Kable’s wife) get paid to act as the living, breathing avatars for people hooked up to virtual reality rigs. (Kable’s wife, played by ex-model Amber Valletta, is the avatar of a disgustingly obese couch potato who apparently gets his kicks putting her in weird sexual situations – like I said, it’s a strange movie.) Besides all this brightly (blindingly?) colored mayhem, “Gamer” also delivers “Brooklyn 99” actors Terry Crews (naked!) and  Kyra Sedgwick, Ludacris (as the leader of the resistance) and a scene where Kable drinks gasoline then urinates into the fuel tank of his escape vehicle. I don’t know it “Gamer” is actually good, but it’s definitely memorable. That’s gotta count for something, right?


Decades older and a lot simpler than “East Side, West Side,” “Night Nurse” is also a thousand times more entertaining. Stanwyck, so young I don’t think she’s had her teeth fixed yet, plays a tough-as-nails dame who falls backwards into a nursing career (with the help of the great Joan Blondell) and then meets a heart-of-gold bootlegger who helps her save the lives of two children dealing with a dipsomaniac mom and a murderous chauffeur (Clark Gable, in his pre-mustache days). It’s the epitome of an early Warner Bros. pre-Coder, with a gangster as a good guy, plenty of wild drinking and debauchery, and more than a few scenes of Stanwyck and Blondell stripping down to their skivvies for no good reason (except for the obvious ones). Stanwyck is great – funny and bold – and you can see why she became a huge star. You can also see why director William Wellman had a long career: This movie, despite its ramshackle plot, is never boring, and it packs a breathtaking amount of action into a mere 72 minutes. TCM shows it fairly often – be sure to check it out the next time they do. You won’t regret it.

Up next: We wrap up July with three actual movies from the 21st century!