Why should I even bother getting out of bed this morning (afternoon)?

Good question. I often tell myself that things only get better through action.

Actual chemical depression is awful in that (at least when I had it) it stopped me from even caring if I cared.

It became a struggle to even do the things I loved the most. & when I got on medication I started feeling again, but it killed my drives and I gained weight- (which is all fineeem but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit to it being rough on my self worth.) & I messed up some important relationships. So when I started feelings things again a lot of those feelings weren’t good ones. 

But what else can you do but keep working towards something better? I feel lucky to have enough self preservation to keep trying in the face of all the malevolence, regret and betrayal that life can spit in your face. 

When I was in my late 20′s I went through cancer and had a testicle removed. I try to remember how at any other time in human history or if I’d taken less action I would have been dead 10 years ago. I would’ve never gotten to see Europe –paint on walls in Amsterdam or meet Manara or Fil Barlow, King city would’ve been left half done and I would’ve never been able to make Prophet or finish Warheads.  I got to do a talk at the Sydney Opera house, work on porn movies, ride in a speed boat and talk to Kanye West about Akira .I’m glad I get to experience this weird messy life. 

– This is an old tumbr question - I’ve turned the nightmare that is anonymous questions off months ago, but it helps to warm up what I have to write by answering these.

Anyway here’s Tom Waits reading a Bukowski poem