02/12/2009

Umm… I’m not sure if I should write in this diary or not but I can’t help it. Your writing is amazing! I’m sorry I read it. I apologize a million times. I just had this moment of curiosity and once I got down and read the first entry, I couldn’t stop myself. I just had to go through the entire thing.

I’m sure you’d be worried about where your precious diary went, right? I’m sorry once again for keeping it from you. I honestly did want to return it but I really didn’t know who it belonged to. It was my reason to open your diary in the first place. You know, to check for a name or an address or something. And when I found none, I just started off with the first page.

I really love the flash stories you know. And your poems, they’re just incredible! Are you going to get them published sometime? Oh wait, you didn’t want them to be read in the first place right? I’m so sorry that I read them. But you know, you’re at fault here too. You’ve got a tremendously amazing writing style!

Damn! I’m blabbering even when I’m writing. It’s a bad habit. I really go on and on when I’m nervous. And trust me when I tell you this, I’m nervous as shit writing this entry. I know I’m not supposed to but I just couldn’t help it. I mean, I had to tell you how I felt. I don’t know why, but I just felt like I had to.

I’ve been pretty much been in the same boat as you. I mean, I don’t think there’s really a meaning to my life either. Following stupid rules that don’t even make any sense and stuff. Well I’ve never really tried suicide or smokes or marijuana but I’ve been tempted quite a few times. I’m a rather happy go lucky girl most of the times so you know, it isn’t really my style.

Oh but I’m not judging you okay… I mean it’s true that I’m not suicidal but doesn’t mean I tie the two of us as equals. You definitely had to go through a lot more. I mean, I was never really bullied in school. And I definitely didn’t have to cross dress or anything. No offence but that part was kind of amusing.

What the hell am I doing? I’ve written so much in your diary already. I just wanted to say “Hey” and leave it at that. I would’ve like kept your diary back in your locker or something. I know the code since you’ve written it here. Oh… And that’s how I could figure out who you were. I mean I didn’t know who you were before. Like there are three James in school with the same hair color who are all weirdly famous and since you didn’t mention your last name and all…

There I go rambling again. So yeah, I realized that it was you James Mathew. I didn’t know you were adopted. But then again I don’t know much about you at all. And considering all the information you imparted through your diary, I wouldn’t suppose your friends know you either.

Shit! I just gave you a clue didn’t I? Argh!!! Well you ain’t getting anything more out of me Mister Smarty Pants. What the hell am I talking about? Just scratch that. Oh wait, that would mess up this diary. Why the hell am I still writing on and on? I’m so going to get a lecture from you if you ever found out my identity, aren’t I?

I should probably just shut up. I mean, if I talk more, who knows what all I’ll say about myself and then you’ll be able to figure out who I am and then I’d be so embarrassed and stuff. I don’t even know if I can face you. I mean, you’re the popular guy after all. By the way, that messy hair of yours, look really cool. I like the way it comes down over your eyes. Oh yeah, I’ve been stalking you for a while too.

Oh God! What the hell am I saying? I didn’t stalk you in a creepy way though. Yeah right… Like there’s actually a way to stalk someone without it being creepy. Well I just wanted to see what you looked like and get to know your routine. No specific reason really. Just didn’t want to get caught sneaking back this diary into your locker.

By the way, I’d like to read more, that is, if you’d let me read your diary again. I mean I’m not really sure you’d be comfortable about it but well, I just want to know more about you. And I want to read more of your writing. It just inspires me or something. Oh yeah, I even wrote a small poem for you. I’m not sure if you’d like it as much but it was the best I could come up with.

If you’re okay with it, I’d love some feedback too. Well I know it’s selfish but can we like talk through your diary? I mean I’m not really sure I can come clean face to face just yet. I’m too embarrassed for barging in on your private life all of a sudden. Trust me it took me days to even muster up the courage to start writing.

I guess I’ve written far too much for a first time right? What do you think? Oh stupid me. Well, it’s goodbye for now and forever if you so choose for it to be. I’d love to hear from you though and would love to talk. Not like talk as in I do the talking but actually listen because you’re the first guy I actually felt like it’s worth listening to.

I’d be checking for your diary next month. Just keep it in your locker and I’ll sneak it out. Don’t try to catch me in the act please. Oh! And a very warm and happy Birthday in Advance. Maybe next year, I’ll wish you face to face. Goodbye. Hoping to talk to you soon. Take Care.