Regular lovemaking essential to a good relationship!

With your cat, I mean. Obviously.

Maintaining an intimate relationship with a cat is a delicate combination of nurturing, seduction, and mutual passion. Not forgetting food.

It’s a beautiful thing to have a little furry creature – who could very well survive on its own, if push came to shove – choose YOU to be its special companion. It will offer you, not slavish devotion, but measured affection. It will judge you, of course – but it will say nothing. It will lie beside you purring as you cry into your pillow, and you will find that more comforting than any well-meaning friend.

Yes, it will have its own quirks. It probably can’t take a joke. It will not find it amusing when it falls off a chair and you laugh. It will demand dinner – stridently – less than an hour after it has already been fed. It will eat endangered species with all the gusto of Kim Jong-un inspecting weaponry. It will sometimes be sick on the mat.

But nevertheless, your relationship will grow in depth and delight as you age together – your cat gracefully, you, not so much. I’ve never understood why women are afraid of growing old with cats. With cats is the nicest possible way to grow old. Granted, maybe one or two rather than scores, but…it’s something I look forward to, personally. Cats don’t hog the TV remote.

And my own cat – this cat is the Queen Victoria of cats, elderly and greatly cherished by all her subjects. I count it a privilege that I’m able to make her warm and comfy and loved in her later years. It’s sort of like the ‘one starfish’ principle. If I can make one cat happy – well, there was a point to me being here after all, right?