Things Philadelphians do better

Philadelphians have heightened powers. We may not be able to fly or become invisible, but we sure have some unique talents. From being able to party on the cheap to creatively fixing a problem, here are eight superpowers you have if you’re from Philly.

1. Expressiveness

You never have to guess where you stand with a Philadelphian. We wear our hearts on our sleeves. Elation. Disappointment. Everything in between. You’ll see it written across our faces.

2. Honesty

And if you couldn’t tell by the look on our faces, we will shortly follow that up with an airing of our grievances. We aren’t known for booing for nothin’. At first, this might come off as abrasive but trust us, in the long run, you’ll come to appreciate it.

3. Creative problem solving

Necessity is the mother of all invention and man, we have invented a lot in Philly. Can’t find parking in the tight streets of South Philadelphia? Park in the middle of Broad Street. Don’t have access to the pool on hot summer days? Make one out of a garbage dumpster. Can’t make it to the beach? We build our own in the back garden. The solutions may not all be legal, but I challenge you to come up with a problem that Philadelphians can’t solve.

4. Owning Cowboys fans in five seconds flat.

“Oh, you’re a Cowboys fan. When did you live in Texas? I’ll wait. Oh, never? When’s the last time they won a Super Bowl?” End scene. Drop the mic.

5. Hometown pride

Philadelphians are fiercely proud of their city and their neighborhoods. If you can’t answer the question, “Where did you go to high school?” satisfactorily, then you’re not truly from here.

6. Expressing an entire thought using a single word.

That word is “jawn.” It should be included in English books as a an alternative for any object, place, or thing.

7. Getting drunk for cheap.

Two words: Citywide Special. Perhaps it’s a byproduct of our state’s insane liquor laws, but we get bang for our boozing buck. $3 gets you a PBR and a shot of Jim Beam at Philly’s finest establishments. Somehow the pairing works perfectly and goes down smoothly — a little too smoothly.

8. Attitude to friendship in 60 seconds

If you do something we don’t like, we’ll tell you about it. Then it’s over. If you’re real with us, we’re good to you. That’s when you find what an affable lot we truly are. We’re a small town of 1.5 million people and we make friends wherever we go, whether it’s with a neighbor, at a bar, or someone we see on our commute.


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