“When I was younger I fell in love with a black man, which my...

“When I was younger I fell in love with a black man, which my mother didn’t like.  She tried to tell me that it would cause my grandmother to die of a heart attack.  But we married anyway.  And after having two children we got divorced.  My mother especially didn’t like that.  She was appalled.  She didn’t believe in divorce.  She told me that I couldn’t possibly love my children.  Our relationship never got better.  Over the years we’d have a weekly phone call.  We’d reenact the same conversations again and again.  I wanted her to acknowledge that I’d lived an interesting life.  It made me angry that she saw me as deficient.  I wanted her to see that my life had meaning, even if I was on my own.  She’s 89 now.  Two years ago she was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, which has made her even blunter with her opinions.  She now openly expresses her preference for my brother.  It’s becoming clear that she won’t change her mind about me.  And it carries a sting.  Because I guess we never stop hoping to be understood.“