How to Help a Hurting Friend

Someone you care about is struggling. Perhaps they're sick, or angry, or discouraged. Maybe a child has broken their heart or their marriage is in shambles. Maybe it’s not one big ugly, but a lot of little uglies that have them down. They've lost their perspective, and their faith is flickering. You know you can’t fix the situation, but you love your friend, and you want to help. What can you do? 

Here are four steps to take when someone you care about is hurting: 


1. Pray 

We are in a battle, and the enemy of our souls prowls around, seeking whom he can destroy. Thankfully, we have powerful weapons in our arsenal. Jesus, at the Last Supper, knew he would soon be arrested and separated from his disciples. He warned Peter of the coming trial. 

“Peter, Satan desires to sift you as wheat.” Then he said something profound and powerful. “But I have prayed for you.” 



The forces of evil in this world want to discourage and defeat Christians. But Jesus, the Lover of our souls, who is infinitely more powerful than Satan, is praying for his children. When we add our prayers to Jesus’, we join forces to support those we love.

Every time I pray for my loved ones, I can be confident that Jesus has gone ahead of me and is interceding on their behalf. And while prayer, on the surface, seems passive, it is the most dynamic thing we can do. 

2. Love them, even when they’re not very loveable. 

Hurting people hurt people. It’s sad, but it’s true. Ironically, those who are hurt and angry often direct their negative emotions toward those who love them most. When this happens, our natural response is to pull back and distance ourselves from them. Well if that’s the way they’re going to act, fine. I’ll leave them alone. 

Instead, ask God to enable you to love them even more. Try to see life through their eyes. Imagine how you’d feel if you were in a similar situation. Share those thoughts with them. If I had just lost my job, I’d be feeling pretty scared right now. This may open channels of helpful communication and direct them into healthier ways of expressing their feelings. 

Determine in advance that no matter what they say, you'll respond with love. Conflict doesn’t start with the first person. It is the second person’s response that determines the course of the conversation.  

3. Look for practical ways to serve them. 

Kathy, a patient of mine, lost her husband to cancer after an ugly seven-month battle. He was admitted to a hospital 90 miles away the week after Christmas. Shortly after they arrived, she received a series of text messages. When she opened them, she saw pictures of her three best friends--at her house. 

What are you doing in my house? she texted back. 

We’re taking down your Christmas decorations was their reply. 

Kathy’s friends couldn’t stand vigil at the hospital, but they wanted to support and encourage her. Instead of fretting about what they couldn’t do, they did what they could—something practical that still brings a smile to Kathy’s face years later. 

4. Leave room for the Holy Spirit to work. 

The Lord may give you the opportunity to share scriptural truths, promises to claim, or comforting Bible verses. Do it. 

But don’t be surprised if your friend isn’t ready to receive your words. If they respond negatively, take a step back. The Holy Spirit will continue to work, even if your friend appears to have closed the door. 

Watching a loved one struggle is hard. We feel helpless, because we want to fix their problem and lift their burden. Sharing words of faith from your own experience, praying, and listening when they feel like talking will help them heal. Continue to love them, and look for ways to serve them. Finally, trust the Holy Spirit to speak to your loved one’s heart and restore their joy. 

“Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning” (Psalm 30:5). 

What about you? What do you find helpful when a loved one is struggling? Leave a comment in the comment box below. And if you’re reading by email, CLICK HERE and scroll down to the end of the post to share your thoughts.



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Copyright 2018 by Lori Hatcher