30/08/2009

High school sure turned out to be a page turner in my life. It’s a whole new story now. I was never really a jock or a nerd but now, I’m the cool guy. Why? Because I can talk the talk and walk the walk. It’s pretty easy really. So how did I do it?

I started by talking to a girl. Talking to a girl actually means that she would be doing most of the talking. I mean, even if I’m talking, it’s to ask questions to prompt her to talk. No girl likes a guy that talks his heart out. So all I do when I say I talk to girls is listen, which was in a way, my strong point.

And how has all that effort paid off? Well, girls talk to other girls and once they know there’s someone in the market with eager ears, they can’t help but check it out themselves! They do love shopping right? So girls started flocking around me and before I knew it, I was swarmed by a whole herd of them all the time.

Then came the guys. They’re so desperate in their attempts to get girls that they always want to be in the cool group with the most population of the opposite gender. And weirdly enough, that group was mine. With all the girls around me, guys just jumped on me from all directions.

Once that’s done. You don’t have to hold out anymore. As the leader of the pack, you get to have your say. It has more to do with there being more guys in the group capable of tiring out the talking ladies than you asserting your power.

I know. It ain’t the most glamorous and cool way to get in, but it sure gets the job done. Of course it’s obvious that you still can’t open you heart to these people. After all, they aren’t really there because they want to see the real you. They’re there because they like what you look like to others.

“Man you’re one cool dude”, “Total player”, “Dude… you’ve got to teach me how you get all these girls”, and “I’ll do your homework for a month if you let me come to your party”. Yup. Those were some of the comments, compliments or requests I got. I must say, that homework deal was the best one.

What? Homework done in exchange for a party invite by the coolest guy in school. It was a win-win situation. I mean, I know saying that the guy getting a girl by himself would be the joke of the century but at least in my party, he could have a chance. Music and liquor can greatly influence a teenage girl’s thought process.

Not proud of it, but that’s how life works. You just have to work along with the flow instead of fighting against it. Let’s face it. This ain’t a movie where you can have a hundred percent chance of a win fighting against the world. So no point judging my methods.

So that’s how I got most of my homework done. I’d hook up some of the nerds in the school to the hotties in my group. I was kind of doing both of their species a favor really. The hotties got boyfriends that aren’t going to cheat out of the blue.

And what do the cherry boys get? They got girls that they can only dream of getting as their girlfriends. What was in it for me? Good grades and free homework. Also, never ending gratitude. It does come in handy from time to time. I once got all the electrical work done at a party I hosted for free.

Oh yeah… I just realized, this is maybe the first time I’m making an entry so soon after the previous one right? I do it because it’s the only place I can be me after all. In school, in front of others, all I do is, be what they want me to be. I’m so glad to be having my private place here.

Anyway, guess it’s time I finally did mention the time I was thinking of becoming a Goth. I just remembered that I never did get to writing it down when I started going through my own entries yesterday. Yup. There was a time when I actually thought I should go join the Gothic cult.

I did it all, wear black, paint my nails black, wear mascara, eyeliner, and all the works. I didn’t really go easy on them either. It sure took me a while to get it right. I remember how I would just smear the mascara as soon as I got it on. Then there was the wig. I didn’t want to dye my brown hair black since I was kind of worried about the damage it would do. Moreover, I was more of a closet Goth.

I was your typical sad teenager listening to rock, punk and metal music like Goths do. I even started writing sad poetry. Not that I don’t do it anymore these days, but those were like the best of the lot. I guess I’ll write them down here once I get my hands on them.

I tend to write wherever I feel like it. I remember how I once even wrote on a roll of toilet paper. It felt like I was some plane crash survivor trapped on a deserted island or something. Ah… Those days of innocent role-plays. I’ll forever miss them.

Oh dang… Back to topic. So yeah, I tried going Goth so hard. Like I bought all these black dresses and stuff, I researched being Goth on the internet, I started wearing makeup and transformed into a complete Goth. Not in school though but at home. I’m not sure my folks would’ve let me walk out of the house looking the way I did at that time.

However, it was all only on the outside. I never really was a Goth after all. Of course I was captivated by the thought of death, individuality and all the other ideals necessary to be a Goth. But I was too alone back then to even live as a Goth. Goth culture meant living in a community after all. It didn’t mean living out your individuality alone like I do.

So yeah, after a few days I really got bored of it and ended the whole thing. Who knew that it would actually prove fruitful in later days when I had to actually dress up as a girl? My face was really something when I tried make up for the first time. It seemed as if I had forced the stuff all in the wrong places.

So ended my Goth life. And now, I live on wearing my actual face with sad brown eyes, brown hair and a complexion that some might find appealing. But in high school, it ain’t so bad. I guess it’s easier once the bullying stops. We’re all too busy with our own stuff to bully people without reason.

I guess I should take this diary along for the ride in school from now on. Might help me unwind after living the lies I’ve made up. Plus, it’s been a while since I’ve last written anything worthwhile. What better inspiration than a whole building full of kids living out the misery of a system created by old men incapable of creativity?

Whatever the case, I guess I can’t complain a lot since I am the king of my high school kingdom. Well… Can’t complain to real people at least. Who is to stop me over here?