My List of Inhibitions, or, Thoughts That Go Through My Head Daily
1. My writing sucks.
2. My stories suck.
3. I'm not very smart.
4. I will never earn my degree because I'm not smart, especially when it comes to math.
5. I'm fat.
6. I'm ugly.
7. People can't see past 6 & 7.
8. My husband can't see past 6 & 7.
9. My girls will grow up and see how much 6 & 7 destroy my confidence and it will reflect in them and their lives.
10. Every time I try to lose weight, it works for a while, but then stops and comes back on again, even if I'm still doing what just shed 25 lbs. I'll never find something that actually works.
11. When I look in the mirror, I see no value in the person looking back. I don't even see me anymore.
12. I'm tired all the time.
13. I'm stressed all the time.
14. I don't have the energy or funds to exercise like I need to, which makes me more stressed.
15. No matter what I do to bring us up financially, it's never enough.
16. I work and study until I'm dead exhausted and it's still not enough.
17. People judge me for how messy my house is.
18. I don't have the time or energy to keep my house clean and it makes me stressed.
19. I can't spend these critical years home with my youngest because I have to go out and work or we'll lose everything.
20. I'm tired and stressed from having to carry most of the burdens around our home. Increasingly, I'm growing disillusioned and depressed and consider just disappearing, leaving, doing something because I don't know how much more I can take.
21. I have no friends I can open to, no one I consider close because I don't have the time.
22. Strike that, I could have the time, but I'm so tired, stressed, depressed, and disgusted with myself to try to find friends.
23. I don't feel like I deserve friends.
24. Even if I did have friends, I seem unable to really share what's going on inside. It's easier to smile and say, "I'm fine."
25. I hate how hot it always seems to be here. I don't want to go outside as a result, which means my favorite source of exercise, walking my dogs, is limited to two or, at the most, three months a year.
26. I feel guilty every time I leave my kids to do something.
27. I don't write much anymore, and I lack inspiration.
28. I'm lonely. All. The. Time.
29. I miss the old me, the one who was so hopeful, who believed she could be loved and likable, and wasn't horrified at the person who looked back at her in the mirror.
30. Most days, I cry because I'll never be able to share any of this with anyone, and I know I'm going to break any day. I'm so done.
2. My stories suck.
3. I'm not very smart.
4. I will never earn my degree because I'm not smart, especially when it comes to math.
5. I'm fat.
6. I'm ugly.
7. People can't see past 6 & 7.
8. My husband can't see past 6 & 7.
9. My girls will grow up and see how much 6 & 7 destroy my confidence and it will reflect in them and their lives.
10. Every time I try to lose weight, it works for a while, but then stops and comes back on again, even if I'm still doing what just shed 25 lbs. I'll never find something that actually works.
11. When I look in the mirror, I see no value in the person looking back. I don't even see me anymore.
12. I'm tired all the time.
13. I'm stressed all the time.
14. I don't have the energy or funds to exercise like I need to, which makes me more stressed.
15. No matter what I do to bring us up financially, it's never enough.
16. I work and study until I'm dead exhausted and it's still not enough.
17. People judge me for how messy my house is.
18. I don't have the time or energy to keep my house clean and it makes me stressed.
19. I can't spend these critical years home with my youngest because I have to go out and work or we'll lose everything.
20. I'm tired and stressed from having to carry most of the burdens around our home. Increasingly, I'm growing disillusioned and depressed and consider just disappearing, leaving, doing something because I don't know how much more I can take.
21. I have no friends I can open to, no one I consider close because I don't have the time.
22. Strike that, I could have the time, but I'm so tired, stressed, depressed, and disgusted with myself to try to find friends.
23. I don't feel like I deserve friends.
24. Even if I did have friends, I seem unable to really share what's going on inside. It's easier to smile and say, "I'm fine."
25. I hate how hot it always seems to be here. I don't want to go outside as a result, which means my favorite source of exercise, walking my dogs, is limited to two or, at the most, three months a year.
26. I feel guilty every time I leave my kids to do something.
27. I don't write much anymore, and I lack inspiration.
28. I'm lonely. All. The. Time.
29. I miss the old me, the one who was so hopeful, who believed she could be loved and likable, and wasn't horrified at the person who looked back at her in the mirror.
30. Most days, I cry because I'll never be able to share any of this with anyone, and I know I'm going to break any day. I'm so done.
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