Breaking The Diet Rules In My Head
I am a stress-eater from way back. Cookie dough, icing, cupcakes, ice cream and brownies all have a special place in my heart. They are trusted friends who pulled me through some tough times. Unfortunately, this self-soothing habit comes to middle-age with a high price. Here’s the story of how I’m trading my chocolate for zoodles and why I’m mostly happy about it.
Am I Addicted?
Just last week, I frantically drove to Walgreen’s for a M&M fix. As soon as I bit into those first three candy coated chocolates, a wave of serenity washed over me. It was euphoric, so much so that I wondered, am I addicted? According to Web MD, sugar feeds every cell in the brain, and worse yet, the brain sees sugar as a reward! The more sugar I eat, the more I am rewarding my brain. My thighs have yet to see a reward.
I tried several methods to quit sugar: harm reduction, abstinence and sugar substitutes. I tried Adkins, Keto, and Weight Watchers. None of these programs worked because my lack of knowledge isn’t a problem. My personality and defects of characters are. I struggle with perfectionism and all or nothing thinking. Each of these new programs just gave me more rules to follow. In recovery, I learned “Analysis is paralysis.” Too many rules means I get stuck in a self-defeating pattern like this:
Green beans is the only food that follows every rule on every diet.
Living off of only green beans isn’t humanly possible for me.
I strictly adhere to ALL of the rules for a short time and then I am overcome with hunger and stress.
In a state of panic, I dash to the nearest M&M selling retail outlet.
Two minutes and two bags later, I’m a peaceful failure.
There has to be a better way, but I couldn’t find it.
How Recovery Helps
I love food, and I love thinking about food. Because of this obsession, I relate my recovery lessons to food and internalize them in my kitchen. Step 1 tells me I am powerless over my addictive behaviors (like bingeing on M&Ms), and Step 12 reminds me that these behaviors affect every aspect of my life. With the help of my sponsor, I’m learning I do have power. I have the power, for instance, to decide what I eat and what I do.
Most importantly, I have the power to do what works for ME.
Based on that mindset, I created a list of “rules” that give me freedom to choose and set me up for success.
Rule Number One: Don’t ask anyone for any advice.
Freedom To Make My Own Rules
Next I made a list healthy foods that I really love like fruits, melons, cheeses, sausages, and nuts. I also looked back at when I was most physically fit – high school. I started doing the same regimented exercises I did back then. From my various studies in dieting techniques, I selected key components of each diet that worked for me. This relates to another recovery tool, “Take what you like and leave the rest.”
Intermittent fasting works well for me. I eat all of my foods in an 8 hour window and then I don’t eat for the next 16 hours. This really helps with my indigestion, another lovely middle-age side effect. During my juicing phase, our family developed a recipe for “Liquid gold,” a delicious blend of fresh squeezed orange, pineapple, lime, apple, and grape juices. This juice is my nightly treat. When I was doing The Plan, I learned that eating only one source of meat protein per day is easier to digest, so that’s another “rule” I incorporated into my new lifestyle. Finally, because accountability is a critical to recovery success, I enlisted the help of an accountability partner.
Recipe Of The Week
Last week, I found one of those vegetable spiral slicers at the grocery store. It was on sale for $3.50, so I tossed it in my cart. I bought three zucchini with NO expectations because they are after all zucchini. Unless they’re fried and coated with cheese, why bother?
I washed and spiraled my zucchini then sauteed them in butter. Thanks to my failed adventures in Keto, I still had some heavy whipping cream and Parmesan cheese in the fridge. I added a splash of each and let them meld together. The results were delicious. The recipe serves one, which lets me eat what I like and gives my family the freedom to eat what they choose – another example of recovery tools at work. Plus, zoodles, zucchini noodles, are also breaking the diet rules. They taste like pasta but are good for you.
Zoodles For One
1 Zucchini
2 Tablespoons of butter
3 Tablespoons of heavy whipping cream
3 Tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese
Wash zucchini and remove ends. Melt butter in skillet. While the skillet is heating, place zucchini in the spiralizer, (I bought mine at Aldi’s) and twirl. Add zoodles to hot skillet. Saute for about five minutes. Once zoodles reach your version of done-ness, add cream and cheese to skillet. Stir to incorporate and melt. Remove from heat and enjoy.
Confronting The Final Frontier
I haven’t had any sugar for four days. I excel at abstaining for short periods of time, but I have one last recovery tool in mind to help me navigate this tricky love affair. Sometimes I have to wait to make a decision until “I know that I know.” This is case for me and sugar. Until I know that I know I can only eat one serving of M&Ms without falling off the wagon, I’m going to wait. Maybe I won’t ever be able to eat M&Ms again, but surely there is a way for me to set a healthy boundary with desserts.
Each day, I am feeling better and better. I’ve lost a few pounds. I am getting stronger, and my low-level pain is leaving. My stomach doesn’t ache, and I don’t crave M&Ms or other sugary treats as often. This progress make it easier for me to stick to my new rules and not risk sabotaging my success.
Want more of Pam’s delicious recipes seasoned with recovery tools? Check out our cookbook, The Codependent in The Kitchen.
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