Metaphorical Frying Pan, Part Two
Here's one thing that I've learned, more than anything else, from my adventures last year: When you start making decisions that actually support you and your self-worth, that are in alignment with the things you truly want instead of what you don't, it's kind of like magic. I tend to think of it as akin to dominoes, or - my favorite image and analogy, magnets: Take one piece and do with it what you want, and all the other pieces will fall into place.
Or, it's like this: A few weeks ago, after effectively cutting the cord with Texting Guy, I posted something on my Facebook that went along the lines of how I was bored with the dating stuff. My friend Sean commented with the old adage that sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get to the prince. My response to that - both on FB to him and in life - is that, sometimes, kissing a lot of frogs can be a lot of fucking fun. But here's what's even better, and here's what I'm learning, lately...sometimes, all those frogs? They make you appreciate it so much more when someone un-frog-like comes along.
I don't want to give the impression that I've only dated jerks. With the exception of a few tumultous, dramatic pairings, I've actually been pretty lucky to date some really great guys. And with all due honesty, sometimes, the frog has been me. I haven't been so great, with the dating and relationship stuff. I recognize the game because I've played it, and I've mocked others for it because I've learned how to win. But I kind of gave all of that up, last spring. There's this thing that happens, when you start to know and believe and recognize that you want the best for yourself and for the people around you...it becomes easier to spot and appreciate those who want the same. And like I said in Part One, sometimes it still takes some time to learn a couple of lessons that are lingering above your head. But once you do, it's like BAM! Rewarded. And sometimes it happens so fast that it makes your head spin.
Around the beginning of the summer, I was emailing with a man I've become friends with, and we were talking about how we had both just extracted ourselves from a complicated romantic entanglement. "Why can't it just be easy?" I remember writing. "Like, why can't it just be: I like you, you like me, and it's fun and exciting and easy...it doesn't make you feel insecure, or nervous, or worried. But it never really is like that, is it?" And I remember sitting back, reading that over, and thinking, "But why not? Why isn't it? And that's what I want."
And while it took some time to align that want with action, when it did... Along comes men who get it. Men who actually ask you out. Who actually wants to spend time with you because they want to get to know you better - really and truly, and not just because they're hoping that "getting to know you better" directly correlates with making out (which, it usually does, but the original intent is different). Men who tell you great things, and you know they actually mean them. Who make you feel like you can tell them great things back, and it's not going to be a knock down in the "Who's Chasing Who" game. Men who don't makes you wonder whether or not you're going to hear from or see them again. Who make it a point to go out of their way to show you that they do, in fact, actually like you. Who make you want to go out of your way to show them that you feel the same way. And it doesn't make you feel anxious, or bored, or nervous, or insecure. And it's great. The best. And instead of the old theory, all this honesty, these kind motions...all they do is make you like and want them more. Makes it more intense, more exciting, more fun.
So right now, I'm feeling pretty lucky. Pretty happy to have been knocked up alongside the head by that metaphorical frying pan. Because if it had come at a different time, I might not appreciate it as much as I do now. And that would be a drag, because while kissing all those frogs was some major freaking fun, I gotta say...this is so much better. And thank god for those guys, right? The ones who get it. In my country, we call them "men"...
Or, it's like this: A few weeks ago, after effectively cutting the cord with Texting Guy, I posted something on my Facebook that went along the lines of how I was bored with the dating stuff. My friend Sean commented with the old adage that sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs to get to the prince. My response to that - both on FB to him and in life - is that, sometimes, kissing a lot of frogs can be a lot of fucking fun. But here's what's even better, and here's what I'm learning, lately...sometimes, all those frogs? They make you appreciate it so much more when someone un-frog-like comes along.
I don't want to give the impression that I've only dated jerks. With the exception of a few tumultous, dramatic pairings, I've actually been pretty lucky to date some really great guys. And with all due honesty, sometimes, the frog has been me. I haven't been so great, with the dating and relationship stuff. I recognize the game because I've played it, and I've mocked others for it because I've learned how to win. But I kind of gave all of that up, last spring. There's this thing that happens, when you start to know and believe and recognize that you want the best for yourself and for the people around you...it becomes easier to spot and appreciate those who want the same. And like I said in Part One, sometimes it still takes some time to learn a couple of lessons that are lingering above your head. But once you do, it's like BAM! Rewarded. And sometimes it happens so fast that it makes your head spin.
Around the beginning of the summer, I was emailing with a man I've become friends with, and we were talking about how we had both just extracted ourselves from a complicated romantic entanglement. "Why can't it just be easy?" I remember writing. "Like, why can't it just be: I like you, you like me, and it's fun and exciting and easy...it doesn't make you feel insecure, or nervous, or worried. But it never really is like that, is it?" And I remember sitting back, reading that over, and thinking, "But why not? Why isn't it? And that's what I want."
And while it took some time to align that want with action, when it did... Along comes men who get it. Men who actually ask you out. Who actually wants to spend time with you because they want to get to know you better - really and truly, and not just because they're hoping that "getting to know you better" directly correlates with making out (which, it usually does, but the original intent is different). Men who tell you great things, and you know they actually mean them. Who make you feel like you can tell them great things back, and it's not going to be a knock down in the "Who's Chasing Who" game. Men who don't makes you wonder whether or not you're going to hear from or see them again. Who make it a point to go out of their way to show you that they do, in fact, actually like you. Who make you want to go out of your way to show them that you feel the same way. And it doesn't make you feel anxious, or bored, or nervous, or insecure. And it's great. The best. And instead of the old theory, all this honesty, these kind motions...all they do is make you like and want them more. Makes it more intense, more exciting, more fun.
So right now, I'm feeling pretty lucky. Pretty happy to have been knocked up alongside the head by that metaphorical frying pan. Because if it had come at a different time, I might not appreciate it as much as I do now. And that would be a drag, because while kissing all those frogs was some major freaking fun, I gotta say...this is so much better. And thank god for those guys, right? The ones who get it. In my country, we call them "men"...
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