Kundalini Confusion

Photo by Jared Rice on Unsplash

I have no idea what to expect. Some Indian music plays in the background, a sitar, warbly singing, Mantras maybe. We sit in a circle on a large white couch. The Deeksha Givers ask us to close our eyes and relax or meditate. I’m in half lotus slowly counting my breath. I feel hands on top of my head. And then…..

Wild blue ropes of energy shoot from my hands and the top of my head. Waves of heat cause to mildly convulse. Suddenly, involuntary deep breathing pulls the energy up my spine. The snake uncoils into spectacular visions; The Buddha’s contented face in gold, a rainbow pulsing from my solar plexus; the “I” melts into the indescribable. Calmness descends. Bathing in the knowing, I smile.

breath deep this holy gift electric
Dharma fires through
blocks, the path has opened

Seven months later and I’m still unclean. Angry Karma rages across the little groove I occupy in the Field. My spontaneous Kundalini Awakening has been full of contradictions. If this is step one where should my feet fall for step two? Am I supposed to sit on the edge of the Ganges chanting Mantras? Hard to do seeing as I live in Japan. Life goes on in this modern world. I have no time to chase down a Guru. I’m left wondering, “What now?”

Life. Divine Mirth.
Not laughing at it?
Then you don’t get the punch line.

Kundalini Confusion was originally published in Publishous on Medium, where people are continuing the conversation by highlighting and responding to this story.