My unproduced “Supernatural” script

If you are trying to write for a television series, the one thing you don’t do is send them a script for their actual program because you can’t possibly match their voice.

Nevertheless, I came up with an idea for the television program “Supernatural” and couldn’t get it out of my head. It was a sequel to the wonderfully hilarious episode “The French Mistake” in which Sam and Dean Winchester find themselves in an alternate universe where they are believed to be Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles, the stars of a TV series entitled “Supernatural.” All I could think of was, “What happened to the ‘real’ Jared and Jensen when the Supernatural brothers took their place?”

The good news is that my agent is friends with series creator Eric Kripke, so he sent it to Kripke and asked him to send it along to the producers. Kripke happily agreed to do so and did just that.

Over a year later the producers have still not bothered to read it, at least to the best of my knowledge. So I figured that I wanted someone to have a chance to read it. I’ve posted it on my Patreon page, so everyone currently following that can check it out.

For those unsure, I am reproducing the Teaser here so you can judge for yourself. If you like what you read, then go here.

And here’s the teaser. Pardon the slightly improper script style; the site won’t allow me to print it in the standard format.

SUPERNATURAL

“EXCUSE ME WHILE I WHIP THIS OUT”

TEASER

FADE IN:

EXT. RUFUS’S HOUSE – DAY

WE HEAR a steady HAMMERING sound and PULL BACK TO REVEAL that a property SALES REP is hammering in a “For Sale” sign into the front lawn. A cheerful MORMON, wearing a white shirt, black slacks and tie strolls up, a smile on his face. He is looking at the house and SEES…

A brief movement of a shadow within.

He taps the sales rep on the shoulder who JUMPS, slightly startled.

MORMON

Didn’t mean to scare you.

SALES REP

And yet you succeeded.

(she glances at the book and cuts the Mormon off)

Don’t even start.

MORMON

Well, maybe the person at home might be interested.

SALES REP

There’s no one at home. Hasn’t been for years. This place is being taken by the state.

MORMON

Pretty sure I saw someone moving around inside.

SALES REP

It’s your imagination.

MORMON

Would you mind if I took a look?

SALES REP

Knock yourself out.

As the Mormon walks away, the sales rep mutters under her breath.

SALES REP (CONT’D)

Literally.

The Mormon strides up to the door, glances around for a bell, doesn’t see one, and knocks on the door.

The door opens. We are angled FROM BEHIND the person so we don’t see him clearly, but whatever it is, the Mormon’s eyes open wide; he is frozen in terror. He is yanked INTO the house and the door SLAMS.

This noise catches the sales rep’s attention. She frowns, puzzled, and heads for the door. She knocks, and the door opens.

Once again we’re angled behind and she looks startled. The person answering the door: once again we don’t see his face, but we know that voice: It’s RUFUS TURNER. He is holding up the book.

RUFUS

You ever read this? It’s hilarious.

She turns to bolt and he grabs her arm and YANKS HER IN. The door once again SLAMS and we…

SMASH CUT TO:

INT. A COFFEE SHOP – DAY

We MATCH THE SHOT to the door closing with a door OPENING. SAM and DEAN WINCHESTER enter. The WAITRESS is standing with her back to the door, which she hears open because of a little bell attached to it. She is busy adding checks and doesn’t bother to turn around. She gestures in a vague manner.

WAITRESS

Just sit wherever you want, honey.

They shrug and move toward a table and sit.

DEAN

I’m just saying, 27 to 7? That’s a football score, not a baseball one.

SAM

So the bullpen had a bad day…

DEAN

The bullpen? EVERYBODY had a bad day. Five errors? How the hell do they make five errors? What is this, little league?

Sam is grinning. Dean doesn’t notice at first.

DEAN (CONT’D)

I’ll tell you where the problem is: it’s the manager. He’s supposed to pull that bunch of millionaire idiots together and teach them the fundamentals. Keep you eye on the ball! That’s rule one in baseball! Well, no, rule one is no crying, but it’s a close second. It’s…

He notices Sam’s reaction.

DEAN (CONT’D)

What? What’s so funny?

SAM

Nothing’s funny. It’s just…this.

DEAN

What “this?”

SAM

This! Us! Talking about baseball. Not witches or vampires or Armageddon or Lucifer’s baby. Just ordinary, routine, y’know, stuff.

DEAN

You remember that five hours ago we were wiping out a coven, right?

SAM

Yeah, but now we’re…it’s like we’re normal!

DEAN

We ARE normal.

SAM

You know what I mean. We’re not being hunters. We’re just being brothers talking about baseball. I just…sometimes I wish it could always be like this.

DEAN

Fat chance. Something’s always gonna snap us back to the life.

SAM

Optimist. I’m gonna hit the men’s room.

He gets up and walks toward the visible rest room sign. The waitress has walked over and she’s staring down at Dean, confused.

WAITRESS

What do you think you’re doing?

DEAN

Um…talking about baseball.

WAITRESS

Is this supposed to be some kind of joke?

DEAN

I don’t think so. You can tell by the lack of humor.

WAITRESS

Why are you sitting here?

DEAN

My brother and I wanted to get lunch. And you said sit anywhere.

(recalling)

Honey. There was definitely a “honey” in there when you said it.

WAITRESS

I don’t know what you think you’re playing at, but your shift isn’t over for another five hours. So get back to work.

DEAN

Look…Miss…I’m trying my best to be polite here, but it’s obvious that you have me confused with somebody else.

WAITRESS

I see you every day. So that’s not really likely. Now get back to your job.

DEAN

Yeah, that’s it. I’m going.

He stands up.

DEAN (CONT’D)

Tell my brother I’ll be out in the car.

WAITRESS

(her voice louder)

Jensen!

JENSEN (O.S.)

Yeah?

The kitchen door swings wide and JENSEN ACKLES, beard stubble, dressed in jeans, a white t-shirt and an apron, with netting on his hair, steps out.

JENSEN (CONT’D)

Whatta you wan–?

His jaw drops.

Dean’s expression is a mirror image.

JENSEN AND DEAN

You!!!

BLACK OUT.

END OF TEASER