How to Say “No” Gracefully and Uncommit (#328)
[image error]
“People are effective because they say no.” — Peter Drucker
This episode of The Tim Ferriss Show showcases two chapters from Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown (@GregoryMcKeown), one of my favorite books of the past few years.
The first chapter explains how to say “no” gracefully (and why most of us have trouble doing this in the first place), and the second one gives us ways to cut our losses and uncommit in the aftermath of a premature “yes.”
This should help you shorten your to-do list and lengthen your not-to-do list.
Enjoy!
[image error] [image error] [image error]
#328: How to Say “No” Gracefully and Uncommit
https://rss.art19.com/episodes/1f1a99a8-c998-4983-9b19-7de1148d6335.mp3Download
Listen to it on Apple Podcasts.
Stream by clicking here.
Download as an MP3 by right-clicking here and choosing “save as.”
Want to hear another podcast with lessons for overcoming fear in order to do the right thing? — Lend an ear to these nuggets of wisdom from Sir Richard Branson, Maria Sharapova, Vince Vaughn, and Caroline Paul. (Stream below or right-click here to download):
#291: Overcoming, Managing, and Using Fearhttps://rss.art19.com/episodes/79ea7ade-64c2-4e24-be74-cf825cdd5847.mp3Download
This podcast is brought to you by Four Sigmatic. While I often praise this company’s lion’s mane mushroom coffee for a minimal caffeine wakeup call that lasts, I asked the founders if they could help me—someone who’s struggled with insomnia for decades—sleep. Their answer: Reishi Mushroom Elixir. They made a special batch for me and my listeners that comes without sweetener; you can try it at bedtime with a little honey or nut milk, or you can just add hot water to your single-serving packet and embrace its bitterness like I do.
Try it right now by going to foursigmatic.com/ferriss and using the code Ferriss to get 20 percent off this rare, limited run of Reishi Mushroom Elixir. If you are in the experimental mindset, I do not think you’ll be disappointed.
QUESTION(S) OF THE DAY: What was your favorite quote or lesson from this episode? Please let me know in the comments.
Scroll below for links and show notes…
SELECTED LINKS FROM THE EPISODE
Connect with Greg McKeown:
Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown
Parks Felt ‘Determination Cover My Body like a Quilt’ by Wayne Greenhaw, CNN
Chinatown San Francisco — The Largest Chinatown Outside of Asia
An Evening with Dad by Cynthia Covey Haller, LDS
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey
Social Conformity Definition: Normative vs. Informational, Study.com
The Secret of Productivity Is a Very Big Waste Paper Basket by Kyle Kowalski, Sloww
Paul Rand and the Story of the Most Expensive Logo Ever, grafiktrafik
Supersonic Airplanes and the Age of Irrational Technology: Was the Concorde a Triumph of Modern Engineering, a Metaphor for Misplaced 20th-Century Values, or Both? by Dara Bramson, The Atlantic
Sunk-Cost Bias: Is It Time To Call It Quits? by Margie Warrell, Forbes
Henry Gribbohm Loses Life Savings at Carnival Game, Wins Stuffed Banana with Dreadlocks by Hilary Hanson, HuffPost
Anomalies: The Endowment Effect, Loss Aversion, and Status Quo Bias by Daniel Kahneman, Jack L. Knetsch, and Richard H. Thaler, Journal of Economic Perspective
Why We Love to Hoard…and How You Can Overcome It by Tom Stafford, BBC News
The Disciplined Pursuit of Less by Greg McKeown, Harvard Business Review
The Sunk Cost and Concorde Effects: Are Humans Less Rational Than Lower Animals? by Hal R. Arkes and Peter Aykon, Psychological Bulletin
That Sunk-Cost Feeling by James Surowiecki, The New Yorker
Tootsie
How Powerful Is Status Quo Bias? by Rob Henderson, Psychology Today
Zero-Based Budgeting (ZBB), Investopedia
Great Managers Prune as Well as Plant by Daniel Shapero, LinkedIn
SHOW NOTES
The right “no” spoken at the right time can change the course of history. [07:30]
Have you ever felt a tension between what you felt was right and what someone was pressuring you to do? [09:01]
Courage to say “no” is key to the process of elimination and Essentialism, the disciplined pursuit of less. [09:40]
As hard as it can be to say “no,” failing to do so can cause us to miss out on something far more important. Here’s a lesson from a noted Essentialist for illustration. [10:23]
Stephen R. Covey didn’t just teach Essentialism — he lived it. [13:29]
How do we discern the essential from the non-essential? [14:07]
Why does saying “no” often feel socially awkward and how does it have the power to cause us physical discomfort? [14:53]
The only way out of this trap. [16:00]
What a notable “no” from Peter Drucker taught Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi about productivity. [16:24]
The difference between essentialists and non-essentialists when choosing between saying “yes” and “no.” [17:39]
Separate the decision from the relationship. [18:55]
Saying “no” gracefully doesn’t have to mean using the word no. [19:32]
Focus on the trade-off. [20:11]
Remind yourself that everyone is selling something. [20:41]
Make your peace with the fact that saying “no” often requires trading popularity for respect. A story about the designer who stood up to Steve Jobs and what happened NeXT. [21:04]
Remember that a clear “no” can be more graceful than a vague or noncommital “yes.” [23:20]
The “no” repertoire: eight responses to help you say “no” with grace. [23:53]
1. The awkward pause. [24:16]
2. The soft “no” (or the “no, but”). [24:40]
3. “Let me check my calendar and get back to you.” [25:17]
4. Use e-mail bouncebacks. [26:05]
5. “Yes. what should I deprioritize?” [26:58]
6. Say it with humor. [28:12]
7. Use the words “You are welcome to X. I am willing to Y.” [28:32]
8. “I can’t do it, but X might be interested.” [29:14]
What the lessons of the Concorde jet and a massive carnival game loss teach us about sunk-cost bias. [31:16]
The difference between essentialists and non-essentialists when choosing between staying a losing course or cutting losses. [34:58]
Ways to avoid commitment traps. [36:09]
Beware of the endowment effect. [36:28]
Pretend you don’t own it yet. [38:30]
Get over the fear of waste. [39:08]
Instead, admit failure to begin success. [40:52]
Stop trying to force a fit. (Don’t be Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie.) [41:32]
Get a neutral second opinion. [42:38]
Be aware of the status quo bias. [43:44]
Apply zero-based budgeting. [44:33]
Stop making casual commitments. [45:52]
From now on, pause before you speak. [46:20]
Get over the fear of missing out (FOMO). [46:56]
To fight this fear, run a reverse pilot. [47:14]
Why learning how to uncommit is crucial to becoming an Essentialist. [49:07]
PEOPLE MENTIONED
Ernest Hemingway
Rosa Parks
Cynthia Covey Haller
Stephen R. Covey
Peter Drucker
Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Paul Rand
Steve Jobs
Kay Krill
Tom Friel
Josh Billings
Henry Gribbohm
Daniel Kahneman
Tom Stafford
Hal Arkes
Dustin Hoffman
Daniel Shapero
