The guy who reads your sermon notes.
The best pen in the world is the Uniball micro vision. That's not a statement of opinion; that's a fact. And suggestions contrary to that statement will not be entertained. If you disagree, I'm sorry. You've been using an inferior pen for most of your life and are confused.
I use the Uniball micro vision for everything, including my sermon notes at church. Cause it's the best and I take the best notes. But recently I noticed something disturbing happening.
The guy next to me kept reading my notes.
I don't mean my fill in the blanks. I can accept that and should probably write a post about the best way to sneak a peek at someone's answer if you missed one.
I can accept that, but this guy was reading the personal notes I was taking down. The first time it happened, I thought, Oh, OK. Probably just checking out my penmanship. I can respect that. I took a calligraphy class in middle school because I'm pretty sure that's what all the cool kids were doing.
The second time it he did it, I thought, Maybe he wants to borrow my pen. That's clearly not happening.
The third time I thought, This is getting annoying. What if I want to write something private and personal about how the sermon is hitting me? I think this guy just became a post on Stuff Christians Like.
Which brings us to today.
Maybe this situation has never happened to you. Your penmanship might not flow like a cold mountain stream like mine does, attracting the watchful eyes of pew neighbors like bears to a salmon run. I'm not sure, but it might happen to you one day. And if it does, I want you to be ready. Here are 3 things to do if you catch someone reading your sermon notes:
1. Angle your paper.
This is the easiest move and should be employed first. Cross your leg at a weird angle and then move your paper away from your neighbor. Now if they want to look, they'll have to lean over and really work to see what you're writing down. Awkward for both of you? Definitely. Necessary? Sometimes.
2. Write crazy/small.
Jud Apatow, the director of movies like Superbad, once said that he started writing really small and really crazy because people on airplanes kept reading his notes. He didn't like the idea that strangers might see his ideas, so he taught himself how to write in an indecipherable script. Time consuming? A little. Worth it? Definitely.
3. Tolkien your notes.
The Lord of the Rings author Tolkien took the Apatow approach to new levels. He actually created his own language. It was called Elvin or Elfin or Elvish or someone will heatedly correct me in the comments section of this post. (Bonus points if the correction is in written in Elvin.) Maybe you can create your own sermon notes language. Will it take you a few years? Probably. Worth your privacy? You tell me.
Hopefully those three tricks will do the trick. But if not, there is one last ditch, desperate move you can do. If you've tried all three of the tricks above–if the person ignored your angle idea, has such great eyesight they can read your tiny script, and somehow knows how to read the secret language you created–guess what it's time for?
A prayer request.
In your notes, in large, legible font, write the following:
GOD, PLEASE JUST HELP THE PERSON NEXT TO ME JUST RESPECT MY PRIVACY AND STOP READING MY SERMON NOTES CONSTANTLY. YOU ARE A BIG GOD AND WILL SURELY HANDLE THIS SITUATION IN THE BEST POSSIBLE WAY, BUT PLEASE DON'T AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME A STRATEGICALLY PLACED LIGHTNING BOLT WON'T DO THE TRICK. IT MIGHT. IT REALLY MIGHT. AMEN.
Extreme? A little. Effective? Without a doubt.
Question:
Do you take notes during sermons?
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