Reader Question: Should You Let Unmarried Couples Share a Room when Visiting?
Every Monday I like to post a reader question, and this is a thorny one that I don’t think has an absolute yes or no, so Rebecca and I are just going to discuss it in a video!
Here’s what the reader wants to know about how to host a couple that is living together and they visit–can you have separate rooms?
When I married my husband, we were both older, and he was divorced with kids. Those kids later went on to have children born out of wedlock. We felt strongly that they were wrong in this (to live together before marriage), but by that time they were out of our home and adults and there was little we could do. Both kids later married the parents of the babies and are still married and apparently happy and we love our in-laws. But this was awkward, hospitality-wise when we had them over (we have a lake home they enjoy visiting) as we both (or at least I) felt we should stand by our convictions and not let dating couples share a room in our home – but it only came up once after the babies were born, I think, and I think we did let the young family share a room.It just seemed ridiculous at that point as they were planning to be married. But the PRINCIPLE of it – still bothered me. After all, I had often gone to this lake house when we were dating – with my boyfriend/fiancé (later husband) but was always careful to bring other people and sleep in my own room. And I still have mixed about it, feeling very Pharisaical making a loving, committed (??) couple sleep in separate rooms because of my strong convictions about sex before marriage. Now we have friends who want to visit, in the same situation. They are 60-something, but our house will be full that weekend so they’re staying at the resort next door. I think she knows better than to invite herself with her live-in “boy”friend to share a room at our house. And part of me feels bad about that. What if we DID have room? What do you say? I just want to stand for civilized, Biblical living in a world that is fast becoming a godless world I don’t recognize. Marriage is important. It’s a Big Deal, not just for people but for our civilization.
I totally understand what she’s saying. Marriage IS different from cohabitation, and certainly just from dating. Marriage DOES matter. Marriage should have its privileges.
And we do believe that sex before marriage is wrong, and so letting people share a room seems like you’re endorsing wrong behaviour.
So what do you do? I don’t think there’s a perfect answer to this, so Rebecca and I go back and forth on it here. The main takeaway? In everything, act in such a way to preserve your influence over people. Here we go:
Again, I do think there’s a difference between kids and peers. And I do think it’s okay to enforce your own standards in your home, especially with those close to you. But there also comes a time when the relationship becomes paramount.
This is a really hot button topic and I’m sure many of you will disagree, so have at it in the comments!
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 26 years and happily married for 21! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.Find Sheila Here:YouTube
Sheila's Favorite Posts on To Love, Honor and Vacuum:
10 ways to initiate sex
10 Effects of Porn on Your Brain, Marriage, & Sex Life
Why So Much Marriage Advice is So Trite
How can Sex be Hot and Holy at the Same Time?
Check out some of Sheila's Books:
The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex
31 Days to Great Sex
9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage
To Love, Honor, and Vacuum
Check out Sheila's Courses:
The Boost Your Libido Course
The Whole Story: Talking to Your Daughter about Sex, Puberty, and Growing Up
The FREE Emotional Intimacy E-Course
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