Too Hot to Cook

Too hot to do anything, really.
Every fan I have is set on three.

I'll save this for another day...


Cooking for Fynn
and Other Recipes

by MK Alexander




preface

Tractus Fynn is a time-traveling detective, and of course a fictional character; nonetheless, he shows up in my kitchen from time to time, and is more often than not, very hungry… I hope you enjoy these recipes as much as he does. For the record, I do not resent his oft-heard comment, “recipes for things you should never cook, let alone eat.”


Introduction

This cookbook presupposes very little:
1. You can read or be read to
2. Functioning tastebuds and a nose (sorry, Tycho Brahe)
3. Access to a kitchen (preferable someone else’s)
4. A fork, a knife and a runcible spoon
5. A non-functioning smoke alarm
6. A modicum of common sense and humor

(If none of the above apply, please return this book or drop me a line to receive a full refund.)

Optional Equipment:
Mass spectrometer
Calipers
Electron microscope
20 gallons of liquid nitrogen
A large Hadron Collider (microwaves can vary in output)

Please keep in mind what I said earlier about common sense

***

Most of these recipes have been passed down through the family for eons (thanks, mom!) They are legacy recipes, heritage recipes, heirloom meals, or what ever trendy term you’d like to use. Some recipes have been provided by Tractus Fynn himself, back from his travels; notably, Bear Steaks, Plague Stew, and the all-purpose Chateau D’If Sauce.

Sadly, some recipes did not make the cut:

Haggis Soufflé
(getting it to rise proved to be a real challenge)

Birds’ Eye Fondu
(the great unsolved dilemma was of course whether to use melted cheese or hot oil)

Chicken Beak Salad
(not as poplar as it once was)

Ragnarok Ratatouille
(best to avoid this nordic apocalypse)

Death by Gazpacho

Deep fried frog lips
(my supermarket no longer carries fresh frog parts)